What’s your bragging right?

May 10, 2014

Are you a mother? If you are, you’ve definitely earned your right to brag. To celebrate motherhood this Mother’s Day, I’m featuring some of the most awesome mothers I know who’s got every entitlement to boast about the person they’ve become and the things they have accomplished ever since becoming moms.

And because it’s Mother’s Day, let’s give it up for these wonderful women who tirelessly labour to love their children and who’s taken on this challenging role of nurturing relationships within their families… *APPLAUSE PLEASE!*

~~~

1. Adeline Oon – blogs at The Accidental Mom Blogger, mother of two, aged 14 and 12

“I used to be rather meek before I had children, you wouldn’t have possibly known that I can amplify my voice ten times more when I lost sight of my kids at the mall, when they were much younger.”

2. Joey Wong – blogs at Joey Craftworkz and mother of two kids, aged 4 and 1

“I used to be timid and shy in crowded places and hardly spoke out loud. After I became a mom, my skin ‘thickened’ so much more and I’m not embarrassed when the kids cry out loud. I am also able to nurse publicly with a nursing cover inside train.”

3. Mabel Lee – blogs at Amazingly Still and mother of two kids, aged 3 years and 17 months

“I used to be very dependent on external help, but certain things and people can be very unreliable. So when push came to shove, I realized I can do just about anything, as long as I want to. My motto ever since I became a mother is ‘Cannot also must can!’ Even when it means surviving on 1-2 hours of sleep (should it be called naps instead?) or on instant food daily in the earlier stages of motherhood.

Oh, and… I didn’t know I have super human strength until I brought both kids to the park on my own, and had to carry both home by the end of it. And that was just the start of carrying them both on my own while we’re out cos’ Blake says, ‘Mommy so strong. Carry!’ “

3. Alicia – blogs at Beanie N Us and mom to 5.5 year-old Dumpling

“Ever since becoming a mom, I realised that I have quite a few super powers. I can multi-task: cook up a storm while shouting over my shoulder, listening to and correcting the kiddo while she practises on her violin. I am also a world-class nag and a full-time working homeschooling mum who teaches the little one English, Math and Science, in the evenings, while revising Chinese with her whenever we can.”

4. Klessis, mom behind The J Babies and mother to two beautiful girls

“For a period of three years when my first daughter was three months old till she was three, I would push her in a stroller to my office (where her nursery was). I would take a 15-minute walk from home to MRT station, take a 50-minute train ride then walk another 15 minutes to reach office everyday. The walking journey to office covers a total of 6 escalators and the escalators were often faulty! My arms became very muscular during that period of time from carrying the strollers up and down the stairs! That was the most tedious thing I’ve done since I became a mom.”

5. Janice, mom blogger at Mish.Mash.Mess and mom to 2.5 year-old Little K

“Being a mom made me realise my potential hidden in the abyss which I wouldn’t have known if not for this role. The extent to which I can go for the kid – breastfeeding, sleepless nights, preparing homeschooling materials till past midnight and waking up early next day, cook lunch, chauffeur kid to school before heading to work… all this made even more difficult with a bun in the oven and very little help around. It’s exhausting but rewarding.”

6. Dominique – blogs at Dominique’s Desk and mom of three kids, aged 10, 7 and 3

“I’ve developed many wonder powers since becoming a mom and they multiply each time a kid is born. I can cook a five-course meal within an hour while at the same time supervising the kids while they are doing their homework in the hall.”

7. Connie, mom of two, aged 7 and 2 (plus one more on the way!), blogs at RayConnieBaby

“My threshold for pain… I chose to give birth to my two kids without epidural and what’s more, gave birth to my daughter without medical help right in the hospital!”

8. Waiwai, mom behind Peipei.Haohao, and mom to the two kids her blog is named after, aged 4 and 5

“Prepare a meal, guide my daughter to revise for spelling test, build a Lego house for my son, go to toilet to do ‘big business’. All done in 30 minutes.”

9. Li-Mei – blogs at Finally Mama and mom to a two-and-a-half year-old boy

“After miscarriages and setbacks, I am a happy mama to a 2.5 year-old boy, a 1.5 year-old company called ‘The Whiz Times’ and praying for baby number two to come soon!”

10. Ling Siew, mom behind The View from Mama’s Desk and mom to two active boys aged 3 and 4.5

“Ever since I became a mom, I became better at multi-tasking: I can cook lunch, arbitrate fights, listen to two separate conversations, supervise homework, get the washing machine going all at the same time; and getting lunch on the table in under 20 minutes.”

11. Cen-Lin Ting, mom of two boys, aged 1 and 4.5 years old and blogs at Miracule

“Many cannot believe I can be a SAHM and even family members are worried if I can cope, but here I am, a mom of two, and I single-handedly manage the household chores on my own too! I also took up gardening at the community garden! I am proud to tell others I am the week-day driver, cook, maid, mom, educator and farmer!”

12. Mrs Kam, mom behind The Kam Family and mother of two, aged 4.5 and 6

“One of the many things that I embark on to achieve healthy living, is that my children go medicine-free. Both of them have been medicine-free for almost four years – no fever medicine, no cough medicine and antibiotics – they fight all the bugs naturally and recover very fast.”

13. Jenn, mother of a 7.5 year-old boy and blogger at Mylilbookworm

“Being career-minded, I never knew I could give up my promising job for a baby. I enjoy my current lifestyle so much that, after 7 years, I wouldn’t want to go back working in the corporate world anymore.”

14. Serene, mom blogger at Xavvylicious and mother of two, aged 6 years old and 9 months old

“Given my ‘cannot sit still’ character, I hated to stay in a place the whole day, not to mention staying at home! Even jobs that I used to have had me running on the ground. I have never imagined myself as an SAHM and am proud to tell everyone I DID IT! From things which I have never done in the first 26 years in my life to being able to perform it well with minimal help – cooking, homeschooling, crafting, baking, blogging, breastfeeding anytime, anywhere and being always out andabout with a pram and a diaper bag, with two kids!”

15. Elizabeth Soh-Teo, blogger at The Little Bow Girl and mother to 6-week-old Sophie Rose

“Less than two months ago before my baby arrived I was a different person – very vain and also very awkward about making friends. After becoming a mom (albeit a super new one) I can tolerate milk, vomit, spit, poo all over my new clothes without blinking an eyelid and give my baby a kiss instead. I now dare to make friends everywhere I go, from nursing rooms to baby clothes departments. Since being the grateful recipient of a disposable diaper from a stranger (we had packed too few), I try to pass on the favour and offer diapers/wipes/ a helping hand whenever I see that other changing room mummies have run out or struggling with an extra child. It’s a whole new world.”

16. Cherie, full-time working mom of two boys aged 3 and 1, and blogs at Cherieladie

“I never liked kids. I cannot bring myself to coo at any baby, or carry them and I would try to stay as far away as possible whenever I can. But I knew that I would definitely want my own kids some day. Now, with two kids. I guess I somewhat “survived” but I still cannot stand the noise they make.”

17. Hui Ing, mom behind Ingspirations, and mother of three, aged 8, 6 and 3

“I was a clean freak until I became a mom. Now, wiping poo, cleaning up vomit, even catching vomit with my bare hands is no big deal. On a less gross note, I discovered my multi-tasking powers which I never knew existed!”

18. Angie S, mom to Dana, aged 6 and blogger behind Princess Dana Diaries

“Being a mom has helped me become more aware of my own inadequacies and character flaws. It amplified my need to become less self-reliant and more dependent on God’s grace, wisdom and favour to parent this daughter whom He has blessed us with. It has made me a better person. From someone who was independent all her life since primary school, it’s been a great ride and I can say with all my heart that I would never trade being a mom for anything in the world.”

19. Amie, full-time working mother of three kids and blogger at Mamamie’s Thots

“Before I became a mum, I dislike driving and I’m very bad at remembering those road names or places I’ve been to. Ever since these three kids came into my life, I have to learn how to overcome my problem by being their full-time chauffeur and fetch them to and from school and enrichment classes.”

20. Jiahui, full-time working mom of three kids, aged 9, 7 and 6 and mom blogger behind Mum’s the Word

“The last nine years taught me that there is really power in my words. Everything I say is caught by the kids, my words taken ransom, my promises brought to remembrance, my theories stripped apart. I learnt to use my words to speak life into my kids, speak blessings and hope. They taught me to slow down and think before I speak. They showed me that words can shape lives.”

21. Jac, blogs at The Little Mom and mother of two

“I never knew I can smell someone’s butt in public or “study” someone else’s poo. Or striking a conversation with another stranger to share some tips. Or worst sharing my ice-cream with not one but two persons until I became a mom!”

22. Edlyn, mother of three and blogger behind Mummy Ed

“I have not slept in six years.”

23. And last, but not least… Motherkao, mother of three kids aged 5, 4 and 2 and blogger behind this blog you’re now reading

“I did three kids in four years and my body has never really gotten any rest since 2009. I chauffeur, cook and clean. I’m totally hands-on. I left my job to be there for them every minute of their lives. I am now with them 24/7 (almost!) and have never once missed a single tuck-in. No, not even one night.”

~~~

What about you? What’s your bragging right? Go on, I’ll let you brag – share them with me in the comments below!

“If I had no children, my house would be clean and my wallet would be full; but then my heart would be empty.”

Picture credit: comicbookschool.com

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Close encounters with the maid kind Family life as we know it I ♥ lists The Kao Kids The real supermom Thunderstorm days

3 lists, 30 things, 7 days

May 6, 2014

It’s Day 7 since I sent the helper back to the agency after she demonstrated how weak-willed and unwilling to work she was. It’s the longest I’ve ever been without a helper since I’ve had three kids, and it’s going to be this way a while more at least.

There’s just one word to describe it all.

EXHAUSTING.

On the brighter side of things, I now have a list of 10 things I never really say but now say so very often, 10 things I’ve discovered since maid-less, and 10 things I am eternally grateful for. I’m exhausted, but that ain’t gonna stop me from making lists, and more lists.

~~~

10 things I never really say, but say so often now:

1. “I’m ONLY ONE person now, kids. So please (fill in the blanks).” Usually it’s “cooperate”, “do it yourself”, “help me out here” or “follow instructions quickly”.

2. “Do I look like I’ve got an extra pair of hands or legs?” This is usually in response to the kids making requests like finding a lost toy or picking a book off a shelf they can’t reach – and always at a time when I am unavailable to help. I now make them solve their problems – by taking a stool, using a torch, and getting help from the other siblings.

3. “My back is breaking.” Self-explanatory. Said whenever I feel my back is breaking. Which is very often.

4. “Seriously. Like seriously.” Said whenever the kids start fighting for my attention or squabble amongst themselves whenever I am at my busiest.

5. “Sorry I can’t sayang / hug / cuddle / kiss you now. My hands are full of soap.” The kids always seem to have a boo-boo for me to kiss whenever I am washing the dishes.

6. “Can you please wait? I can only do one thing at a time.” I can’t dry three wet kids at the same time but it’s always the same time they want to get out of the bath. And they get really upset who gets to be towel-dried first.

7. “Want to watch TV?” I usually never offer much but ever since we became maid-less… It was something that had to be so that I can cook / hang the laundry / do the dishes / wash the toilets. SIGH.

8. “Aunties are a privilege. Now no Aunty so please do it yourself.” Said to the kids whenever they revert to suddenly not being able to do what they can do on their own and asking for help, like wearing their socks and shoes and bringing things back to the kitchen.

9. “Too bad! No Aunty!” Said as a taunt after #8 and when a tantrum is thrown for not getting help.

10. “Are you going to give me problems? Are you seriously going to give me problems now?!” This can be said in an exasperated tone, in a furious manner or in a totally resigned style when the kids start to act up or refuse to do the things as they are told.

~~~

10 things I discovered, since going maid-less:

1. If children don’t test boundaries, they won’t be children.

2. If children don’t make a mess, they won’t be children.

3. If children can learn instinctively how to clean up, sort and organise, they won’t be children.

4. That children CAN be taught to clean up, sort and organise, and they HAVE TO BE taught; and this ability comes with age and a sense of responsibility.

5. That Ben is as OCD as I am, and I can always count on him to pack in the OCD way I’ve trained him to.

6. That going on all fours to mop to the house with a cloth and a pail of water is faster than using the vacuum cleaner and then the mop.

7. That it’s OK to wash the children’s laundry together with ours.

8. That if I told the children I’m gonna be turning into a monster they would do as quickly as they are told.

9. That the children can watch Frozen or Lego Star Wars: The Movie again and again, and be completely engaged even if it’s their 18th time watching it because they are really watching it to repeat the lines after each character.

Although I don't agree with the "No right, no wrong, no rules for me - Let it go" and some other parts of the lyrics of the song, the kids love, love, love this movie. Especially Becks.

Although I don’t agree with the “No right, no wrong, no rules for me – Let it go!” and some other parts of the lyrics, the kids love, love, love this movie and the theme song. Especially Becks.

10. That even if Frozen or Lego Star Wars: The Movie is on, the littlest will still come and hug my legs and not give me a break; either that or he will be up to some mischief somewhere in the house, like wetting tissue papers at the basin, flipping his (cloth) “roti prata” up the ceiling or colouring the switches in the house with crayons. Why am I not surprised. The most he can sit through is the ‘Let It Go’ song.

~~~

10 things I am eternally grateful for…

1. Forgiving and accepting children, whom I can always count on to remind me not to yell.

2. Helpful children who will try to help out as much as they can.

There’s clean clothes to fold every single day, and on most days the kids are enthusiastic

3. The husband, who’s a solid rock for the family and me, and who would gamely whip up a three-course dinner in a stuffy kitchen complete with jazz music and a glass of red, and then help to clean up and put the kitchen back in order.

The photo on the left had 113 likes after I shared how this man would cook a meal, do everything and still smile at the camera. I would've bitten everyone's head off if they stepped into the kitchen if it were me.

The photo on the left had 113 likes on FB after I shared how this man would cook a meal, do everything and still smile for the camera. I would’ve bitten everyone’s head off if they stepped into the kitchen if it were me.

4. Kitchen appliances that help automate processes and simplify things. I officially love our bread machine, washing machine, Espresso machine, microwave and Philips Airfryer on a whole new level now.

5. This contraption from Tupperware (whoever who gave me this gift, bless your soul!) that allows me to dice my garlic and shallots in 30 seconds which I can store and keep in the fridge for later use. You know how troublesome it is with Chinese cooking, with all the garlic, shallots, ginger and all.

It’s a spinning dicer of sorts and it’s small, handy and easy to clean!

6. Supplements that give me a little extra ounce of energy and makes me feel more recharged every morning.

I used to never take any supplements but now I’m liking what I’m taking (from L to R): I’m getting sponsored to try out Forever Living’s Arctic Sea; Focus Point (by Root King) from my MIL who insists that I take these for my brain and cholesterol; Longevity from YL which lets me swallow Frankincense, Clove & Orange oil in a capsule; and a multivitamin from Nature’s Way which the husband makes me take

7. This wonderful invention called the jigsaw puzzle which keeps the kids engaged for at least 10 minutes. A few minutes of silence is always a good thing.

Thank God for jigsaws!

8. Educational resources like these which I use to keep kids occupied and improvise for our homelearning (no time to create and make new things!): flashcards, magnetic word and shape strips, counters and activity books with colouring, mazes and word search.

I buy at a sale and keep these in my stash. Very handy indeed.

And these 3 for $10 activity books are great value-for-money and lets the kids go gadget-free while waiting for their food outside

And these 3 for $10 activity books are great value-for-money and let the kids go gadget-free while waiting for their food outside

9. Community libraries all over Singapore. We can always pop in one of those in the day to escape from the sweltering heat, nestle into one of those comfy couches and read away.

Hanging out at the library

10. Young Living’s ‘Peace and Calming’ Essential Oil. This blend magically calms me down and helps me unwind. At first it smelled really strange. But then I grew to like it so much I need it to help me sleep. And I sleep very well because of it.

Also linking up with Mum in the Making‘s Thankful Tuesdays:

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Close encounters with the maid kind Family life as we know it Milestones and growing up Re: learning and child training The Kao Kids The real supermom Thunderstorm days

An unexpected trickle of happiness (nope, not because the new maid is here)

May 2, 2014

I’m bone tired and beyond exhausted, but you know what?

I’m actually very, very happy.

I’ll tell you why I’m happy. First reason.

My kids. It’s beginning to look like they are going to be well-trained.

The new helper was sent back a few days ago, and other than witnessing on the same day their mother morphing into a monster and militant ready for combat right before their eyes – complete with aggressive hollering, arms flailing and the crazy quivering; oh yes, and the often sung refrain at 140 decibels equivalent to a jet plane take-off “I AM ONLY ONE PERSON, THERE’S NO MORE AUNTY OK!”, the kids are pretty much well-adjusted to the fact that there’s only one pair of adult hands, eyes and feet in the day, at least before their father returns.

I think that seeing me react so violently under the stress of suddenly needing to handle everything alone from the moment we wake till the minute everyone hits the sack made Ben and Becks realise that things can’t be what they used to be any more.

The afternoon the helper left, we came home and I started putting things in order. I tidied up, I bathed them, I gave instructions clearly and I prepared dinner. Then we had dinner – and they had to eat every single thing I cooked with no complaints, I washed the dishes, prepped everything ready for school the next day, cleaned them up and tucked them in bed. Things didn’t go smoothly, of course. Nat stuck a Yakult straw in his ear. Someone left the tap running while I got busy. Becks left some pee on the toilet seat. Ben splashed water everywhere showering himself. They made faces at the meal I cooked. Crayons were strewn all over the living room floor. My legs were hugged while I was stir-frying. Nat begged to be nursed while kitchen fumes filled the house. Becks whined for an apple while I was chopping garlic. Nat tried to reach for knives. I could list 50 more things that happened but I don’t want to bore. Basically just three words: the kids happened.

But in the midst of the chaos, the kids happened! Ben took on his role as big brother readily and (sometimes) helped me watch and distract the mischievous littlest. They asked how they could help and by the end of the day we were all at the sink, with me doing the washing and the kids drying the plates and cutlery. All three of them, yes! They promised to help more. They offered to make less of a mess when they played or coloured or drew. They agreed to respond quickly to my commands so that I don’t have to turn into something ugly and start yelling.

By the second day, they were offering help in every way – from folding the clothes to picking up eraser dust and handing me the clothes pegs. They moved quickly when I called, got ready for school without needing help with socks and shoes. They carried their bags and heavy water bottles with no whining, and brought everything back to the sink whenever they were done with drinking and eating. We cleaned up in record time – Lego blocks were picked up and sorted, books were returned to the shelves and crayons back in the basket on the easel.

We conquered mountains (of clothes) together

When we headed out, they held hands and told me not to worry.

The car was at the mechanic and we were bus-ing to school – and this happened!

Can somebody first give me a pat on the back before applauding for these kids?

I’ll tell you the second reason why I’m happy.

The maid’s departure gave me a chance to be my totally OCD self. She came, whirled through my kitchen and made a big mess with my children’s wardrobe. Now that she’s gone, I singlehandedly sorted and organised my children’s clothes – sleepwear, underwear, home wear, going out wear, swimwear – and even managed to categorise everything according to clothes type, colour and size. I turned every single spoon, fork and chopstick in the cutlery tray in the same direction, bundled bedsheets by sets, cleaned out the fridge for expired items and hung out the laundry the way my OCD self would be happy doing. I’m a strange person to be feeling merry just rolling socks the way I want them paired and scrubbing toilets with just one toothbrush, but yes, I am merrily, merrily doing all these.

Now, this is what I’ve been dreaming about, albeit with much muscle ache and terribly wrinkled hands – a house in order at last.

Just proves one point: who’s the BEST maid for my house?

Me.

But that doesn’t mean I am not going to decide against hiring a helper. I’m bone tired and beyond exhausted, remember?

I think this absence of a domestic helper is doing the kids who have been taking many things for granted a whole lot of good. We’ve got two weeks to shape up before a new one comes and I have a feeling we’ll be doing even better by then – to the point that we’ll have a relationship with her that’s interdependent and not dependent, and that is the third reason why I’m happy.

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Close encounters with the maid kind Family life as we know it

Maid woes, Part 5

April 30, 2014

What?! I am not believing this. I’m writing a Part 5?!?!

%^!@#$%*!!@#$%&*^%$?!

So.

The new domestic helper came and was settling ok. Other than the fact communication broke down a lot due to a lack of language proficiency, I thought I caught a glimpse of this girl really trying. I mentioned in an earlier post that she couldn’t cook for her life – and even made my littlest some soup noodles that resembled gooey puke – but that, apparently, became history.

I passed her some cook books, and wa la! Like magic, she suddenly was able to cook a decent meal. Even the kids liked her cooking.

Of course, she’s got huge shoes to fill with the previous helper being way too capable – and stronger physically. She’s all bones and looked a lot paler than the previous. Ok, anyone would look pale standing next to our previous helper if you’ve seen the previous. She did also appear a little too stressed out handling a chaotic household with three kids, plus having to understand a new language and adapting to our lifestyle. I kept having to worry for her because we rushed a lot from place to place and still wanted to eat in more than out (which means meal planning is essential at the start of each day). There’s always two huge baskets of laundry to do, too many clothes to fold and sort, toilets to scrub (my son aims quite poorly and my daughter sometimes jump off before she’s done, and I’m not even going to try toilet training the littlest yet) and plenty of things to carry from groceries to bags to water bottles. She did look like she could crumble under the weight of things, literally.

Because she was like the fourth kid I had to mind, guess who ended doing the bulk of the chores?

During the second week, she began to display signs of a lack of mental resilience. And then I also found out that she constantly felt tired and was also much younger than what the papers said she was (I wonder what her intention was by coming clean). By the third week, she seemed unable to cope, and I often had to nag her about keeping well and staying physically and mentally strong to help out in a household with three kids. She started – on an on and off basis – telling me perhaps I should go look for another helper and hinted that she may be better off caring for one child or an elderly folk. I made a mental note of her hints and started asking for recommendations from friends who hired domestic helpers of another nationality.

Now, she began to really annoy me a few days ago doing the “I-want-to-work-for-you-I’m-not-sure-I-think-you-should-get-someone-better” dance. Maybe she was feeling insecure, maybe she felt she needed more compliments than criticisms, but whatever it was, I did what she suggested: look around for someone of a better fit than her.

Long story short: she found out two days ago of my decision to not keep her after a month was up, and suddenly, she had breathlessness, tiredness and pain in her heart. She claimed she wanted her misery to end and asked me to send her back immediately yesterday. And it wasn’t even a month yet! Needless to say I was furious and demanded that she be counselled by her agent. The agent cajoled her and convinced her to work her keep of a month’s salary and after the phone call ended, she apologised for her immaturity.

Despite solo parenting yesterday with three kids in tow, I was so turned off by her childishness I refused the apology and sent her back to the agency by a taxi yesterday afternoon.

No way am I keeping someone like this in my house. Good riddance anyway.

A good domestic helper in Singapore is really hard to find. I’m not sure if everything will go well with the new new helper, and if we will all be a good fit for each other. All I’m asking for is an extra pair of hardworking and honest hands to help me out while my little children still need to be minded and cared for, a peace of mind when I leave them with her when my work needs to get done and a humble attitude to learn and adapt. Not very complicated, isn’t it?

I just need an acceptable fit!

Until then, I am Mom Maid again. And I’m hoping not to ever write a Part 6 on this space, which has become a series in itself already with a Part 1, 2, 3, 4 and now this. No thanks to all these foreign domestic helper woes, I now too experience breathlessness, tiredness and pain in my heart (for the money we have to part with).

Going to have to train and ready those little troopers, I say. And get ready to play MITKH* v.2!

If you have any maid woes, I would love to commiserate with you. Share them with me in the comments below!

—

*Maidless in the Kao Household (read about version 1 here)

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The Kao Kids Thunderstorm days What to Expect... As a Mother

The day has already ended for me

April 29, 2014

Dammit.

It’s 9 am that I’m writing this and the day has already gone downhill. I am angry and exasperated. My blood’s reached boiling point and I am so ready to call it a day, curl up in bed and wake up the next morning.

So I thought I should start waking up consistently earlier a few days a week to get some work done. I’ve been following this blog and getting inspired to make some small changes in my life. I’ve been waking up with the kids (I sleep with them in their room) or sometimes later than them (if I stayed up to catch up on Running Man which I am currently addicted to) ever since Fatherkao started making the huge sacrifice of taking public transport and letting me sleep in instead of having me send him to work. I used to wake up at 6.30am to send him to work and every time I did that, the kids would also be up by 7 am bawling their eyes out. Don’t ask me why. It’s probably because they can’t find their mother and can’t go back to sleep without her. But if I slept till 9 am with them, they would usually all wake up fresh, happy and contented.

Waking up together with them has guaranteed me well-settled kids for the good part of the morning, except that now that I work from home, I’ve essentially gotten zero work done on most days. I try to stay up to do my planning and writing but I usually get so exhausted I just want to tune out, watch something on my iPad to wind down and go to sleep. It’s been a real challenge trying to find time to work while being constantly there for the kids and sometimes this becomes impossible.

Like today.

I got up at 7, saw that everyone in the room was sound asleep and crept stealthily out of bed to shower and get ready. There was editing to do, programme write-ups to think about and blog posts to plan for and I am all ready to lock myself in the study for an hour of productive work.

Then I got out of the shower and saw the little girl sprawled in front of me, awake but groggy and wanting all my attention. She whined and refused to get on with the routine for brushing teeth and having breakfast. Worse still, Nat also sensed the mom absence in the room and woke up upset and clingy. They both hung around the study, threw crayons and colour pencils (and whined some more while at that) and started squabbling. The new helper was completely helpless and totally incompetent in handling children (more on her soon in another post) and had no ability whatsoever to get the kids to listen to her.

Recipe for an explosive outburst from me there, I say.

At the breakfast table which I made everyone sit, they were making faces at the bread I bought from Crystal Jade last night and whining non stop for me. I tried two rounds of calm, patient talking and told the kids that they needed to eat and I would need to get some work done but MORE whining ensued, complete with legs kicking, chairs falling and hissy fits. Before I knew it, I morphed into my monster self, screamed at Nat and Becks for their poor behaviour and the maid for just sitting there not being able to handle the situation.

I only needed one hour. One hour to be productive. And it can’t even happen.

And then Ben woke up from all this commotion and things started happening on an even bigger scale. So after Mom’s outburst they were all suddenly cooperative and eating their breakfast and then decided that they wanted to play together. For a total of 5 minutes before the eldest started to complain about everyone else, namely his sister for eating into his space and his brother for throwing things and then more fighting ensued as they started to snatch toys and push one another. Now I have three kids fully awake, giving each other dagger stares and exasperating me to the point I want to scream in their faces and tell them all to go back to bed.

I only needed one hour. One hour to be productive. And it can’t even happen.

It’s extremely annoying that these kids can’t continue to sleep without the mother presence. It’s even more annoying that they can’t seem to share and play together peacefully and happily ever after. In days like these, I often question if I’ve gone all wrong with the way I parent them; if I made the wrong decision to have more than one kid (one kid = nobody to fight with = peace in the house); if I made the wrong move to do three kids back to back; if I had done the stupidest thing to co-sleep; if I had pursued the wrong cause of wanting to start something of my own; if they are like this because I stayed home.

I only needed one hour. One hour to be productive. And it can’t even happen.

And I’m the one all ready to bawl my eyes out now.

Ecard credit: thelaughingstork.com

What about you? Do you have days like these? Misery loves company, so hit the comment button and share your misery with me!

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Close encounters with the maid kind Family life as we know it

Maid Woes, Part 4 (Didn’t think I would need to write one after so long!)

April 17, 2014

So we’re back to more madness these days for reasons of another kind.

My capable domestic helper has left us.

Excuse me while I go lament the fact that I’ve never had my domestic helpers stay to finish their contract for 2 years.

We first got our domestic helper when I was pregnant with Becks. We decided – despite our extreme reluctance to get live-in help – that we would give up our privacy for more time with our kids. We will outsource the washing, cleaning, cooking and packing to the helper while we will give (the remaining of) our energy to play with the kids. We were both working full-time then. The last thing we wanted to do after a day’s work is to labour in front of the sink or to hang out the laundry.

Our first helper lasted about one year nine months because I discovered she was lying to me. She was using our house phone to chit chat in the day – and with men – and vehemently denied when I questioned. I later found out from our neighbours, after sending her home, that she would scoot off downstairs in the day while Ben was at childcare to chit chat with different men. I value honesty and integrity more than competence, and so she was history.

Our second helper was a godsend. She was the rich young thing I wrote about in 2012 here, here and here and she came to Singapore to experience new things. She said it was better than bumming around jobless, and she was a tough and earnest cookie, this one, all enthusiastic and ready to learn and work. Unfortunately, she also suffered some pain in her ears after a year of working for us, and after consulting a couple of GPs and two ENT specialists and burning a hole in our pockets, I had to send her home to seek treatment on her own. She was well-to-do anyway and could well afford a CT scan which we can’t afford for her. Ben and Becks remember her till this day because she was such a sporty ‘Aunty’ who would piggyback them, teach them all the Korean she knew from watching Korean dramas and make them laugh with her horrible English.

Our third one lasted no more than four days with her poor attitude. I wrote about how angry I was with myself for choosing her – the fair-skinned one instead of the dark-skinned one – and ended up having to send her home. I eventually got the dark-skinned one and this helper was the best we’ve ever had. She’s a workhorse and a terrific cook. This was one woman who single-handedly cooked up a feast for 30 people for Becks’ rainbow party and the same one who would make the yummiest curries from fish and chicken to beef and vegetables. We’ve had friends over for countless curry pig-outs, thanks to her. She also does a great job massaging my children’s soles every night like a pro, and making delicious lunches for the littlest every day from fried bee hoon to sliced fish soup and bolognaise.

Her mother was gravely ill last year and we did let her return home to take care of things like hospitalisation and surgery, and that was when I played the ‘Maidless in the Kao Household’ Game version 1. Those were very tough 5 days, I tell you, having lived with very capable help for about a year or so.

Last week, the poor girl told us regrettably that her mother was gravely ill and it seemed like there was no hope. She said she needed to return home. The kids were saddened, and so was she as she had hoped to work another 5 years for us; and Fatherkao and I felt extremely sorry for our stomachs, and her mother, of course.

We miss her cooking so much.

I am working a lot more from home these days and it is indeed a blessing to have efficient live-in help who can pretty much run the household while I need to be working. With her, I could pretty much leave her to take care of the physical needs of the kids while I prepared homelearning lessons, did my freelance writing, blog and design the preschool curriculum for my business. And now with her departure, I am back to square one of having to train the new helper and keep an eye on her until I can trust her to be on her own.

First-world problems, I know.

My new helper is settling ok. She’s enthusiastic, loves children and has a positive attitude. Except that she CANNOT COOK FOR HER LIFE. I am devastated. I’m back in the kitchen again, organising the larder and planning lunch and dinner and I am missing good food in the house.

Finding a helper is like buying a pair of gloves. I have only had the opportunity of buying gloves twice to vacation in winter, and even then there were so many things to consider. You want a good fit. You want to be able to move your fingers freely. You want to feel comfy and not scratchy. You want those gloves to keep you warm yet not have you perspire profusely in between those fingers. And. Do you want it floral? All chic black? In satin? Wool?

We’ve all got different needs, preferences and priorities. I need my helper to look pleasant and smile often, because the kids need to know we didn’t kidnap a slave to work for us. I need her to be particular about hygiene. And speaking of which, you can do absolutely nothing if your helper smells, as I have discovered. It’ll be mean to send her back for this reason. And the only thing you can do is get her lots of deodorant. I also need her to be able to handle stress taking care of three young kids, especially when we’re rushing or when the kids are unwell and be an extended pair of hands and legs. I need her to be able to operate appliances as we automate quite a fair bit in this home. Aack, I need her to be so many things. I need her to be able to cook so it frees me up to work in the evenings. Sadly with this one, it ain’t happening.

Hello everyone, I’m Motherkao and I’m going to be Mom Maid again, at least for a while.

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Becks Kao Ben Kao Invites & Tryouts Motherkao loves...

Connecting with Canon & scrapping for a special someone

April 3, 2014

You all know by now I hardly allow craft at home. The moment the kids start painting / cutting / scrapping / peeling / glueing / sticking, I start cleaning up.

So I almost never say no to any opportunity to craft outside of home. And when Canon Singapore invited us to connect with them at EatPlayLove Cafe, we were raring to go. It would be our second time there. The first time we went, the kids had so much crafting with the free flow of art and craft materials from egg trays and pasta shells to ribbons and stickers. They remember the experience, and were more than thrilled to be going again.

This was last June!

Last Friday, we were invited by Canon to create photo art using the latest Canon Selphy 910, as well as their latest cameras. And have a yummy buffet feast and connecting with other mom bloggers while at that! So while I was doing that – chatting with mom blogger friends and eating my basil rice, that is – my kids swallowed their dinner quickly and were found at the craft corner getting all creative:

Can’t wait to start crafting – these are deprived children, I tell you

And we’ve not even received instructions on our “task” yet!

Our “task” that evening was simple: bring an SD card filled with beautifully-captured family moments and print them on the latest Canon Selphy 910. Then grab a canvas and scrap away with all the craft materials available to make something for keeps.

I got started while Ben and Becks were busy playing with papers, stickers and glue and had fun printing our family pictures with the Canon Selphy, which also allows users to print wirelessly from their mobile devices.

Printing fun!

I especially loved the idea of having the printer shuffle my pictures and churn out a collage! This was what it did, and I’m definitely going to be framing this:

You can get the Selphy to churn out a collage for you too!

Ben, Becks and I got going that night with the canvas to make something for their grandfather (my dad) who’s recovering from a stroke. We’ve been wanting to give him something to lift his spirits, and so we had a couple of pictures printed, grabbed some stickers and washi tape and scrapped away.

After a while of arranging, cutting, glueing and pasting…

…we have this to present to him!

We had ourselves a meaningful time that evening indeed, and we now have more happy pictures of our family to frame and a handmade gift for Grandpa. What a great way to be spending our Friday evening! And the best part ever for me – no prizes for guessing right – NO NEED TO CLEAN UP! YAY!

Thank you, Canon Singapore for inviting us to connect with you; and EatPlayLove Cafe, for cleaning up after us!

Disclosure: We were invited to connect with Canon Singapore at EatPlayLove Cafe. No monetary compensation was received for this post.

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(Self) Examination Happy days

So 33 is NOT the new 22 afterall…

April 2, 2014

I don’t remember what I was doing at 22 but I was pretty sure life was terrific then with youth on my side. I probably had nary a care in the world and was bumming through my days in university.

I was dating a special someone then and we would spend our weekends watching copious amounts of DVDs from dramas to movies. We would sit at park benches at night and look up to count the stars. We would take long walks by the beach just listening to the sound of waves. We would go on food trails to explore hawker centres and eateries around us, and detox ourselves silly stuffing claypot gong bao ji ding (diced chicken with dried chillies) at Toh Yi Market. It was a form of detoxification because we were guaranteed at least a full day of diarrhea after we ate it. Yet, since we were also still young – and silly – we were mad enough to go back for the experience again and again.

Those were carefree days at 22.

Fast forward 11 years later.

I wished I could declare to myself that 33 is the new 22 as I’ve recently hashtagged on my Instagram but who am I kidding? I don’t get to laze around any more and as long as the kids are in bed by 10pm I don’t really care how many stars there are in the sky. There are more cares on my shoulders today than 11 years ago, and I sometimes worry a lot about how the kids are turning out and how I am burning out. I no longer get to go on food thrills and trails; most of the time I function like a mobile dustbin finishing up what the kids can’t, and the only trail I get is food bits on the floor and ants coming a-marchin’ into our house.

So today, whilst I truly wished I could say in total abandonment and shout it out loud that “33 IS THE NEW 22, YO!”, I would keep that silly notion to myself and wish myself a very blessed 33rd birthday instead.

I am blessed to have enjoyed a little more than 3 decades of life surrounded by people who have poured selflessly into my heart.

That, is all that matters to me, this year.

This year, as I blow out the candles, my birthday wish is for that one man who has given his all to raising me, loving me, putting up with me, coming to my rescue time and time again, and driving me around tirelessly before I met the one I married – for him to never ever give up hope in living and loving life. Let’s celebrate living life together, shall we?

This year, I’m making a wish for Dad

Happy birthday to me!

P/S: Thank you for pampering me silly today, Fatherkao. What a surprise to get a foot rub, a nice dinner out at my favouritest place to eat at T3 and something so charming on my wrist. Even though we no longer take long walks and listen to the sound of waves at East Coast Park, I’m just really happy to be listening to the sound of silence with you every night after the kids have gone to bed. 11 years later, I am still thankful to be able to be doing so many things with you.

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(Self) Examination Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids

A post to say I love you, and thank you

March 26, 2014

My ability to cope with stress is amazing.

Amazingly non-existent, that is.

I hyperventilate on a daily basis and I think my blood pressure shoots up by a few notches whenever I do that. I yell and fluster whenever I feel that I have lost control. I have an incessant need to be in control all the time.

Which is why I think it’s a pretty tough thing being my kid. It’s really not easy living with Mama who’s pretty much all flailing arms and high-screechy-pitched mad on any given day.

And I think my kids are doing an amazing job loving and accepting me as mom despite some of the terrible things I subject them too, like SO MUCH hollering, threatening and explosive outbursts. They love me with no questions, no judgement and no conditions. Every day – whether a good one or bad – they still want me and would unconditionally forgive me and love me for who I am.

I’m a blessed mother because of these children in my life, I tell you. I am grateful to be experiencing kindness and goodness in its purest from these people every day.

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Becks Kao Going Out! Happy days Invites & Tryouts Milestones and growing up

A post (finally!) on girls and dolls [Part 2]

March 12, 2014

So I gave in and bought my daughter her first Barbie doll, and this is the post to explain why.

Last week we were invited by Mattel to celebrate 55 years of imaginative play with Barbie®, the world’s most popular fashion doll.

When I got the invite, I did the to-go-or-not-to-go in my head for a long time. Going would mean that Becks, at three-half, would enter into the dream world of fashion and style; afterall, Barbie’s the original fashion icon that’s played muse to designers all over the world and inspired fashionistas worldwide.

In other words, tis’ the start down the road of vanity.

But not going would mean that the Barbie fan in this Mama would miss out on the celebration. I go a long way back with Miss Barbara since the age of 5, having spent much of my childhood pretend playing with her, her on-off boyfriend and her friends at the beach, by the poolside and at her pretty home. Back then my aunt would buy me dolls whenever she returned from the States, and my godfather would buy me houses, accessories and various scenario sets. Those were fun times I’ve had with myself, my sister, and our imaginary friends.

In other words, I was the one itching to go lah.

And so we went. On a mother-daughter date on a Saturday morning to United Square, to join other girls and their moms in the “With Barbie®, Anything is Possible” Roadshow.

All dressed in pink!

Even the drink was pink

We participated in 3 out of the 4 activities lined up for us at the celebration. First, Becks went to the Barbie Style Icon Photobooth and played dress up:

At the Photobooth

Then, we designed our very own Barbie dress with fabric markers, glitter stickers and stencils. This was our favourite activity!

Becks designing a dress

We also tried the Style Icon Dream Closet Augmented Reality Experience where Becks got to play “digital dress up”. She wanted to be a princess – oh who wouldn’t – but somehow became a vet instead.

A veterinarian’s a good career choice, my dear. Better than princess, any time!

The activity which we skipped was the catwalk and runway experience. I’m keeping that away from her for as long as I can. No, make that forever.

I did wish that the celebration (which was of course, in an overdose of pink) would engage girls in more pretend play than dressing up. Like having a few scenario sets out (bring out the vet clinic, the Malibu Dreamhouse, the fashion wardrobe with all the clothes and shoes to change, and the Glam Pool Set, I say!) in a little play corner for the girls, like how there would always be a corner with plenty of blocks and bricks at any Lego Roadshow. Already the poor doll’s been parodied and criticised enough for her unrealistic idea of a body image and her lifestyle choices – so shouldn’t we play down on the dressing up and vanity bit and emphasise more on a doll’s role in inspiring creativity through pretend play through scenarios and adventures?

Which brings me to the reason why I bought my daughter her first ever Barbie doll. We chose a mermaid together, and I wanted her to enter the world of imaginative play with it since she’s already into the princess-happily-ever-after phase anyway. I’m happy to be paying $27.90 for something which can be part of her mythical pretend play of all the whatever that’s Under the Sea – mermaids, mermen and what-nots.

I also told her that she’s got to hold on to this doll for a long, long time and that some day, she should show her little girl how her love for dolls began, beginning with this Barbie mermaid from her Mama.

Her first Barbie doll from Mama!

***

Join Barbie® as she celebrates 55 years of imaginative play at United Square with Toys ‘R’ Us from 6 – 23 March 2014 from 11am to 9pm daily! To participate, obtain 1 stamp from every SGD$30 spent at Toys ‘R’ Us for an opportunity to take part in 1 of 4 activities.

Disclosure: We were invited to the celebration and received a gift bag with a Barbie doll in it. No monetary compensation was received and opinions here are all mine.

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