So we’re back to more madness these days for reasons of another kind.

My capable domestic helper has left us.

Excuse me while I go lament the fact that I’ve never had my domestic helpers stay to finish their contract for 2 years.

We first got our domestic helper when I was pregnant with Becks. We decided – despite our extreme reluctance to get live-in help – that we would give up our privacy for more time with our kids. We will outsource the washing, cleaning, cooking and packing to the helper while we will give (the remaining of) our energy to play with the kids. We were both working full-time then. The last thing we wanted to do after a day’s work is to labour in front of the sink or to hang out the laundry.

Our first helper lasted about one year nine months because I discovered she was lying to me. She was using our house phone to chit chat in the day – and with men – and vehemently denied when I questioned. I later found out from our neighbours, after sending her home, that she would scoot off  downstairs in the day while Ben was at childcare to chit chat with different men. I value honesty and integrity more than competence, and so she was history.

Our second helper was a godsend. She was the rich young thing I wrote about in 2012 here, here and here and she came to Singapore to experience new things. She said it was better than bumming around jobless, and she was a tough and earnest cookie, this one, all enthusiastic and ready to learn and work. Unfortunately, she also suffered some pain in her ears after a year of working for us, and after consulting a couple of GPs and two ENT specialists and burning a hole in our pockets, I had to send her home to seek treatment on her own. She was well-to-do anyway and could well afford a CT scan which we can’t afford for her. Ben and Becks remember her till this day because she was such a sporty ‘Aunty’ who would piggyback them, teach them all the Korean she knew from watching Korean dramas and make them laugh with her horrible English.

Our third one lasted no more than four days with her poor attitude. I wrote about how angry I was with myself for choosing her – the fair-skinned one instead of the dark-skinned one – and ended up having to send her home. I eventually got the dark-skinned one and this helper was the best we’ve ever had. She’s a workhorse and a terrific cook. This was one woman who single-handedly cooked up a feast for 30 people for Becks’ rainbow party and the same one who would make the yummiest curries from fish and chicken to beef and vegetables. We’ve had friends over for countless curry pig-outs, thanks to her. She also does a great job massaging my children’s soles every night like a pro, and making delicious lunches for the littlest every day from fried bee hoon to sliced fish soup and bolognaise.

Her mother was gravely ill last year and we did let her return home to take care of things like hospitalisation and surgery, and that was when I played the ‘Maidless in the Kao Household’ Game version 1. Those were very tough 5 days, I tell you, having lived with very capable help for about a year or so.

Last week, the poor girl told us regrettably that her mother was gravely ill and it seemed like there was no hope. She said she needed to return home. The kids were saddened, and so was she as she had hoped to work another 5 years for us; and Fatherkao and I felt extremely sorry for our stomachs, and her mother, of course.

We miss her cooking so much.

I am working a lot more from home these days and it is indeed a blessing to have efficient live-in help who can pretty much run the household while I need to be working. With her, I could pretty much leave her to take care of the physical needs of the kids while I prepared homelearning lessons, did my freelance writing, blog and design the preschool curriculum for my business. And now with her departure, I am back to square one of having to train the new helper and keep an eye on her until I can trust her to be on her own.

First-world problems, I know.

My new helper is settling ok. She’s enthusiastic, loves children and has a positive attitude. Except that she CANNOT COOK FOR HER LIFE. I am devastated. I’m back in the kitchen again, organising the larder and planning lunch and dinner and I am missing good food in the house.

Finding a helper is like buying a pair of gloves. I have only had the opportunity of buying gloves twice to vacation in winter, and even then there were so many things to consider. You want a good fit. You want to be able to move your fingers freely. You want to feel comfy and not scratchy. You want those gloves to keep you warm yet not have you perspire profusely in between those fingers. And. Do you want it floral? All chic black? In satin? Wool?

We’ve all got different needs, preferences and priorities. I need my helper to look pleasant and smile often, because the kids need to know we didn’t kidnap a slave to work for us. I need her to be particular about hygiene. And speaking of which, you can do absolutely nothing if your helper smells, as I have discovered. It’ll be mean to send her back for this reason. And the only thing you can do is get her lots of deodorant. I also need her to be able to handle stress taking care of three young kids, especially when we’re rushing or when the kids are unwell and be an extended pair of hands and legs. I need her to be able to operate appliances as we automate quite a fair bit in this home. Aack, I need her to be so many things. I need her to be able to cook so it frees me up to work in the evenings. Sadly with this one, it ain’t happening.

Hello everyone, I’m Motherkao and I’m going to be Mom Maid again, at least for a while.