Years ago back when I was in secondary school, at a personality profiling workshop, I surprised myself with my own results. While my friends and peers had a mix of different personality traits, mine came from only one dimension, with nary a hint of variety.
I don’t think you need to guess hard whether I was an all D or I or S or C.
Yea, I was one-track mind and one dimensional then back in school. I was a ‘D’, which means I demonstrated my emotions based on the ‘Dominance’ behaviour type. As a ‘D’, I’m task-oriented, opinionated and pushy. As a ‘D’, my to-do list is more important than anything else in the world.
I am pretty sure I still am all that the profiling assessed me to be, even till this day.
Which makes me a really big a**hole on most days nowadays because my to-do list is almost ten miles long and my natural tendency is to put tasks before relationships and get things done at any cost, and my greatest satisfaction is to have checked something off that ten-mile long to-do list.
Which means I would ignore my kids when they come to me, whether with genuine needs or not, because I.am.so.going.to.finish.up.writing.this.curriculum.unit
On most days, I don’t just only ignore them. I holler at them for disturbing me. I scream at them for making me lose my train of thought. I yell at them from afar to stop fighting/whining/complaining/playing a fool/acting like monkeys. I sometimes shut myself in the room for a long time so I can work.
Someone please tell me how do I make this work-at-home-motherhood gig work? This is more insane than I thought.
But despite me being the greatest jerk of a mom these days because we’re at the final lap of ironing out the kinks of the business (and there’s just so, so, so much to do), my children – my lovely children – are still making so much room in their hearts for this domineering, dominating, overbearing task-oriented mother.
Every day they send little drawings and notes my way to tell me how much I am loved.
These are beautiful children with so much to give in their hearts.
It’s amazing how a person who’s all ‘D’ married someone who is so balanced (Fatherkao is more ‘I’ but has bits of ‘D’, ‘S’ and ‘C’) and gave birth to children who are so giving and forgiving.
I think God gave us children to teach and remind us that it is in them we find balance in life.
And God gave me these angels from heaven to tell me that I am loved, and that the way to find the balance back in my life is to love them back with all that I have.