It’s been really busy on the work front, now that I’ve started working. You know the thing about being a work-from-home + run-around-everywhere-when-you-need-to + full-time-mom-that-still-needs-to-ferry-everyone-around + run-a-business kind of mom is that she’s still a mom, and there are three little humans still needing her very much. The Kao kids are seeing me less – or rather, seeing me in front of the computer whenever I am home more, and I am trying every day to make the best of my time whenever I am with them.

This can sometimes go south very quickly, because depending on my mood (flustered, foul and jittery, usually) and the length of my to-do lists, I sometimes end up correcting behaviour and piling expectations, complete with hollering from needing to undo all the wrong behaviour and habits that they managed to pick up or slip back into whenever I am not around, instead of making good use of our time together to affirm, motivate and encourage.

Yes, yes. I have been helicopter mom (hovering, hovering, hovering) for sometime now, if you didn’t already know.

I know that if poor behaviour from my children manifests whenever I am not around, then the proper attitude was never learned in the first place. It takes lots of filling up love tanks and nurturing the relationship to get the kids to do right. And sometimes, hard-pressed for time as I am, I often choose the easier route – to scold, to blame, to instill fear through yelling – instead of bending down, looking at them in the eye, and correcting them as a loving mother should.

I’m not sure if it’s really because my kids are getting naughtier, wilder and more disobedient, or if it’s because I haven’t been pouring much to fill up their love tanks. If I were to do some reflective thinking here, it’s definitely the latter.

And as I am writing this post in the dead of the night while the whole house sleeps (which happens to be the time I start work on most days), I’m wishing that I did more things right today. As I wish for every night.

Like giving more hugs…

Saying kinder words…

Dishing out more patience…

Making more eye contact…

Having more self-control…

Being more present in every way possible…

And every night as I tuck my babies in bed and endure a full night of farts and kungfu fighting and water-cooler-turn-on-tap-nursing and talking in their sleep and sneezing and snoring and sleepwalking (yes, all of these happen!) while being in the same room as them, I sigh to these children and myself, and say:

Mama will be a better Mama for you tomorrow than today.