It’s been a full ten months going eleven of being a Primary One kid’s mom. And while I am conscious of the fact that my firstborn is growing up fast and would soon take issue with his school life shared on a public domain, I can’t resist the thought of penning some of the darndest things he’s said and done.
It’s ok, son. It’s ok to be naughty. Mama’s got your back covered for now.
Losing his spelling list
Ben: I can’t learn my spelling. I lost my spelling list.
Me: Then go ask your teacher for another one.
Ben: I can’t! She’ll scold me!
Me: Why can’t you? Just tell her you lost it!
Ben: I can’t lah. Nevermind I have a plan.
Having a plan
Me: (walking him to the bus stop to wait for school bus) So, tomorrow’s your spelling. Have you learned it?
Ben: No. I don’t have the list.
Me: So what is your plan?
Ben: I’m going to borrow from a girl. A girl will sure have her spelling list. I’ll copy the words down.
Me: Great idea.
At the 1st Parent-Teacher Conference
Ben’s teacher: I wanted you to know something. Ben cheated for his spelling test last week.
Teacher: Last week, during spelling he was looking down under his table and I found him copying the words from his partner’s spelling list.
Me: Is his partner a girl?
Why did you copy?
Me: (back at home) Why did you cheat?
Ben: I didn’t.
Me: Your teacher said you did. You copied from your friend’s spelling list.
Ben: Huh. That was my plan!
Me: You are not supposed to copy! Spelling test means you learn the words by heart and spell them without looking at them. What did you think a test is?
Ben: Huh. I thought I lost my list so my plan is to borrow from a girl to copy!
No handphone, public phone can?
Ben: Mom, can I have a handphone?
Ben: If I have one, then I can play Mine Craft and Pokemon like my friends.
Me: I want you to be immersed in the world of books and wonderful stories.
Ben: Huh. But I want a handphone. I want to call you.
Me: Come here. I give you ten cents. If you want to call me, call me on a public phone. It does the same thing.
Canteen Fun, I
Me: Did you do anything naughty today? I’ll be asking you that every day since your teacher has been telling me you and your friends are quite naughty. Talking during National Anthem and running around the canteen during silent reading.
Ben: Hmm. Uhmm. I did.
Ben: You know right, today, we all did an experiment in the canteen. My friend bought a fizzy drink, and I added ice cream, and someone else poured something in – I don’t know what lah, maybe his soup – and we dared one another to drink it.
Canteen Fun, II
Me: Did you do anything naughty today?
Ben: Uhm, yes!
Me: What is it?
Ben: You know right, today, we all did another experiment in the canteen. A friend bought a fizzy drink and someone else added mentos and we shook the bottle until it exploded and it spilled all over the floor.
Me: Oh my.
Ben: And the best part was I told everyone to run away and we all did and we hid in the library!
Girls are our buddies, I
Ben: Mom, today our teacher gave us a buddy.
Me: Who’s your buddy?
Ben: I forgot her name.
Me: Ten months into school and you don’t know your classmate’s name?
Ben: She’s a girl lah, and I can’t be bothered to remember girls’ names!
Girls are our buddies, II
Me: So why do you have a girl as a buddy?
Ben: ALL the boys in class now have girls as their buddies. My teacher punished us with that.
Ben: We were being violent during recess. We played an “attack” game and H pushed me so I pushed him back and he fell and my teacher found out and she banned us from playing during recess. The girls are our buddies to watch us so we don’t play during recess.
Me: You’re banned from playing?
Ben: Yea, we’re not supposed to play. Only can eat.
Girls are our buddies, III
Ben: But we quickly found the solution to our girl problems.
Me: Tell me.
Ben: We trick the girls!
Ben: We all run to the toilet and hide from them, and then run out to play!
Postscript: Fatherkao believes boys would be boys and I shouldn’t be controlling too much or hovering around him and nagging him like a typical helicopter parent. “He’s a boy; let him do what boys do.”
Oh well, for now I’ll just laugh it off.