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Happy days Holidays! Motherkao loves... The Kao Kids

Ten things we loved about our recent vacay

June 24, 2014

I can’t believe I savoured a piece of heaven last week and I’m still feeling a little dreamy about that wonderful place we had our short getaway. You would think that you’d only find such tranquillity and untouched beauty in Bintan, Bali, Boracay or the Maldives (and those by the way, are in my bucket list). But no.

We were in Batam.

Say what?

And although the run down Batam Ferry Terminal, the army of mozzies and the putrid stench of diesel and cigarette smoke lingering in the cabin were the less than perfect things that threatened to mar the perfection for just a wee bit, one only needs to endure it for half an hour (ok, maybe 45 minutes plus the waiting and all) before one arrives to witness this:

View from our villa

Everybody say,” Omm…”

This is Montigo Resorts at Nongsapura. It’s a 30-minute ferry ride from Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal followed by a 5-minute drive to the resort. I’m a sun, sea and sky person, so to be taken away from the madness that goes on in our home to be right here made me a very happy person.

Here’s a list of ten things that made me really happy being there:

1. A&W at Nagoya Hill

We gain an hour being at Batam, so when we arrived at 12.45pm, it was only 11.45am Batam time. Since check-in was at 3pm, we paid about SGD40 for a 45-minute taxi ride to Nagoya Hill.

To do what is the most important thing to do when in Batam.

Eat here:

A&W

But is it me or does the food not taste as wow as when I was a kid? The root beer float tasted kinda funny.

Still, it was nice being there, and I was happy to introduce what our childhood was like to the kids. Well, at least for me, this fast food restaurant was memorable because I got to eat curly fries and have a root beer float as a treat if I did well in my exams.

2. Spa, spa, and more spa

At Montigo, I was pleasantly surprised and extremely touched that I had my spa booked in advance. My husband gave me orders to disappear into the spa and emerge a happy person.

I obeyed.

I went for a Javanese Lulur Spa Experience, which involved some deep tissue kneading and a scrub, had a pedicure and a traditional facial the day after.

It was all very rustic, calming and soothing – being there, walking on bamboo and listening to gamelan playing from the speakers with the sound of waves not too far away. I also repaid a few hours of sleep debt.

Spa

Four words about the pedicure though: Cannot expect too much. It was basic and the Spa Ritual polish they used were inferior compared to the OPI I am used to. And it was a good thing I didn’t go there with gelish nails. They wouldn’t be able to soak it off at all.

3. Private infinity pool

Oh need I say more? We went into the pool in the villa whenever we wanted to, however we wanted to. We soaked, we splashed, we swam.

Infinity pool

I jumped. And played a fool.

Jumping Mama

Jumping Mama again

Jumping Mama again and again

And made the kids laughed.

Their father? He dunked them all with clothes on in the still of the night.

In the pool with Dada

And then there was laughter everywhere.

4. Showering under the clouds

I’ve never done this. Have you? Sit in a shower and look heavenwards towards God. Most amazing experience ever.

View from the tub

Most humongous tub I have seen ever.

Bath room and bath tub

5. In-villa private BBQ

We had a chef come in the second evening and fill the whole villa with smells of barbequed seafood and meat. It was another first for the family, sitting by the poolside, enjoying food grilled and served to us on the spot. We ate and ate till we were bursting in the seams, and then we ate some more.

Something's smoking

In villa dining

BBQ Yum

What a life!

6. Cooking while watching the kids swim

Kitchenette

There’s a kitchenette in every villa, and some really basic utensils for cooking over an induction cooker, so we thought we’d do some cooking. There’s only a medium-sized frying pan and a small pot (and they were all badly scratched and no longer Teflon coated) but we managed to make aglio olio, french toast, creamy pasta and wok-fried instant noodles which meant we settled four meals in the villa. We brought a pair of kitchen scissors (should have also brought a paring knife), canned tuna, 3 packets of pasta and our own salt and pepper. While at Nagoya, we grocery shopped for garlic, tomatoes, onions, fresh milk, cheese, ham, bread, Indomie and eggs. There’s only a bar fridge in the villa, so do plan purchases wisely. I thought there would be a freezer and ended up throwing away a box of mini Cornettos I bought for the kids.

It was all very satisfying to be making simple meals and looking out at the pool and the sun, sky and sea those days I was there.

7. Free wifi

I guess if you’re not living under a rock, free wifi is going to make you happy. All our thumbs got quite busy and it was satisfying to be able to stream videos (we watched Running Man on the first night, heh), check FB and post pictures on Instagram.

8. Beautiful sunsets

I shared in an earlier post that witnessing the sun setting and disappearing into the horizon was one of the most magnificent moments I could share with my kids. And you know what I got them all to do? We closed our eyes and pretended to paint the sunset, “ate” cotton candy clouds and imagined the clouds to be what we thought they could be.

Sunset 5

How many moments like these would I be sharing with the kids in my lifetime?

9. Sky terrace

The third floor of the villa leads to a sky terrace that has plenty of space to run and look out into the hues of blue that’s before our eyes. Here, we take deep breaths and say a million wows, just like being on top of the world.

Sky terrace

10. Happy kids, happy husband, happy helper, happy me

Needless to say, we’ve all had a great time (even the helper had fun) and this goes down in our memory bank as a beautiful vacation that we’ll remember for a long time.

P/S: This is not a sponsored post nor a review of Montigo Resorts. This is me reminiscing the vacation, feeling grateful for everything and sharing with all those who’s been asking us to tell them more about that wonderful place.

PP/S: For more pictures of sunsets captured by the husband, see them all in my first post here.

Going Out! Happy days Holidays! Motherkao loves... The Kao Kids

Of sunsets and beautiful moments

June 23, 2014

We just returned from a short getaway at a place you would least expect a piece of heaven.

There, at our vacay villa, we witnessed the most gorgeous sunsets for three evenings in a row, watching the golden sun dip into the horizon right before our very eyes.

We’ve learned the last three days that no two sunsets are ever the same. That’s how marvellous the God who created all these would paint each of His masterpiece.

Sunset 1

Sunset 3

Sunset 2

Sunset 4

We were very blessed to have someone so generous towards our family extend an offer to stay at this beautiful home away from home for four days. Who would have expected to find this piece of heaven just half an hour away from bustling Singapore?

For four days here, we made beautiful memories as a family together.

In the pool with Dada

Good times

Great times

Food, glorious food! Happy days Invites & Tryouts Reviews The Kao Kids

Homecooked goodness this Father’s Day’s [Gu Ma Jia (姑妈家) Review]

June 15, 2014

I’ve been reading a steady stream of rave reviews of Gu Ma Jia (姑妈家) from the food blogs I follow and the parent bloggers that I know. These folks who’s been to the popular restaurant which has been awarded ‘SPH Best Voted Top 10 Favourite Restaurant’ and serves one of the best Assam fish head have all written about how homely 姑妈’s food tastes and how warm they feel eating at the casual restaurant with their families.

Gu Ma Jia Restaurant

Gu Ma Jia: 45 Tai Thong Crescent Singapore 347866

Their posts here, here, here, here, here, here and here were enough to make me salivate and begin planning for a grand extended family outing since last year.

Of course, the main draw, (besides being guaranteed of great food) was the fact that in our world of exorbitant dining out prices complete with GST and service charge, there would be food that’s affordable and NO service charge and GST.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t make a trip down to Sennett Estate located along Tai Thong Crescent (where I also had many fond memories of turtle soup) for any special occasion this year because my father had a stroke. For months he spent overcoming the trauma and slowly recuperating, first at a hospital and then at a community hospital for rehab. He finally returned home last month and is gradually recovering. However, going places like the doctor’s would often leave him feeling dizzy and unwell which also means he’s pretty much home-bound and going out would be more of a torture for him.

So guess what the wonderful people at Gu Ma Jia (姑妈家) did? If we can’t go to the restaurant, they’d bring the restaurant to us! I am so touched by the lovely gesture of the lady boss (姑妈 herself!) who prepared food to be taken away so my family can have a homely Father’s Day dinner with my dad in the comfort of his home.

So yesterday, I brought these back for my father:

Sumptuous spread

Glorious, sumptuous spread!

The food may not look picture perfect in these takeaway boxes but I can assure you the food tasted awesome. We ate it the moment they were brought back and it was still piping hot, deliciously fresh and delightfully wholesome. There were no traces of MSG, no choking saltiness as with most tzi char and no cloying stickiness from starchy gravy sauces. Even my dad, who always seemed to have no appetite for anything said that he liked what he was eating.

We had the Special Tofu with Lingzhi Mushrooms and Eight Treasures Vegetables, which my kids loved…

Tofu with Mushrooms

Special Tofu with Lingzhi Mushrooms [$12]

Eight Treasures

Eight Treasures [$12/$18/$24]

It was their first time having crispy lotus root slices, and even though with the taking away the lotus slices weren’t so crispy anymore, they ate them all up and saved nothing for the adults. Bah, these kids.

We also had their Chicken with Ginger and Sesame Oil and I was half expecting a typical black and oily 麻油鸡. Only that I was so wrong about what 麻油鸡 is from 姑妈家. It was my favourite dish last evening and I could drink up the gravy-soup till its last drop. The chicken was cooked in thin slices of ginger, black fungus and chinese coriander, together with the most fragrant Chinese wine. Very, very nourishing indeed.

Chicken with Ginger and Sesame Oil

Chicken with Ginger and Sesame Oil [$15/$22/$28]

Two of the most popular dishes with the adults last evening had to be the White Pepper Crab and their acclaimed signature Assam Fish Head. If you’ve not tried them, I think it’s time to add these two items to your food bucket list. I’ve never tasted anything so fresh, so delicious, so addictive.

The White Pepper Crab at 姑妈家 is cooked using only white pepper from Sarawak and tasted gorgeously sweet and fresh.

Spotted: White pepper from Sarawak at the restaurant counter

Spotted: White pepper from Sarawak at the restaurant counter

Why, but of course. I hear 姑妈 heads down to the market every day to pick the best ingredients for her food instead of having them delivered to her by a supplier.

White pepper crab

White pepper crab [seasonal price]

Which also explains why the Assam red snapper head tasted so heavenly because the flesh from the fish was absolutely firm and fresh. The Assam curry packed a punch with a good balance of spicy and sour although with my first slurp I found it too smartingly acidic! But the curry grows on you, and soon you find yourself drowning your grains of rice with every bit of Assam curry like addiction.

Assam fish head curry

Assam fish head curry [$28]

This, last night, was also Dad’s favourite.

It was truly enjoyable to be eating dinner at the comfort of the home with food that didn’t have its quality compromised despite them being taken away. We were all very happily eating last night, and even my cousin who came with her family to visit tasted and raved about the (leftover) food which still tasted fresh and good two hours later.

Two thumbs up for this homely restaurant with good food. What a gem. What a place with heart.

P/S: Happy Father’s Day, Papa! I hope the food made you glad!

Of daughters and grandchildren

Of daughters and grandchildren

My loving mom and dad

My loving mom and dad

Disclosure: We had the privilege of having this meal, with compliments from Gu Ma Jia (姑妈家) for the purpose of this review. No monetary compensation was received from this post and all opinions are my own, with feedback from the rest of the tasters in the family.

***

PP/S: I’ve linked up with some of the most awesome parenting and food blogs I follow so you can also read their reviews of the restaurant, which include Andy’s Sengkang Babies (the man’s got four kids!), Irene’s Singapore Mom Blogs, Mabel’s Amazingly Still, Estella’s So Oddly DreamlikeSeth Lui, Derrick’s SG Food on Foot and The Domestic Goddess Wannabe, who bakes and cooks and shares some of the most mouthwatering recipes, and whom I have the privilege of being acquainted with. I’m still waiting for her permission to worship her. Yes, Diana? Say yes!

(Self) Examination Invites & Tryouts The real supermom

Running to live great

June 11, 2014

I don’t run.

Not even to catch the bus. I usually wave my hands frantically and hope the bus driver notices me.  When I was in school, I never ran at cross country meets. And just so you know, I’ve never succeeded in passing my 2.4.

I’ve got friends who take part in races and marathons, and while I am in awe of them for finishing 21-km- and 42-km-runs, at the back of my mind I’m thinking that I have better things to do. Like vacuum the house, scrub the toilet and teach my children. Won’t that all work out a sweat as well?

When it comes to exercise, I am the most sedentary person you can ever meet.

But being sedentary has its price to pay. You feel lethargic and unfit all the time. You’ve got no outlet to vent your stress and all you end up doing is lashing out at people around you and screaming in their faces. And if you’re sedentary, busy with full-time motherhood and not watching what you eat, you’d end up face to face with a doctor who looks at you with great astonishment in his eyes.

At your age, you shouldn’t be having cholesterol this high, he tells you.

Cholesterol Level

This. This was my medical report last year.

You ought to start some serious exercising, he adds.

And I did. I tried. I tried swimming with the kids and running in circles round our void deck. I tried playing games on Xbox Kinect that involved vigorous movements.

I still feel horrible, unfit, easily exhausted and toxic.

So when the folks behind the Great Eastern Women’s Run (GEWR) 2014 approached me to join their ‘Run To Live Great’ Programme as their “influencer” to encourage more moms like me to stay fit and healthy, I decided this was the perfect opportunity for me to start somewhere. Actually, it was also decided because my husband kept on saying I need to go run and get some stress out my system, and a friend who runs at least one race a month has kindly agreed to buddy me for this.

At the Event Launch on Saturday @ 313 Somerset: Between me and my buddy, we have 6 kids!

At the Event Launch on Saturday @ 313 Somerset: Between me and my buddy, we have 6 kids!

Clowning around the photo booth!

My running buddy and me: Clowning around the photo booth!

It took a lot from me to say yes. A lot from me to put on those running shoes. A lot from me to finish those 3 kilometres last Sunday as part of the GEWR 3km-Run-Around-Town Event Launch. You’re looking at someone whose last run was 15 years ago on the school track and whose last strenuous thing she did was pushing a baby out.

But I did it.

Yes! I ran with all these lovely ladies on Sunday morning along Orchard Road! (Photo credit: GEWR 2014)

Yes! I ran with all these lovely ladies on Sunday morning along Orchard Road! Photo credit: Great Eastern Women’s Run 2014

So we stopped at the traffic light crossing and posed for a picture! (Spot Super Tired Me!)

So we stopped at the traffic light crossing and posed for a picture! (Spot Super Tired Me!) Photo credit: Great Eastern Women’s Run 2014

Hurray!

So here I am, standing on the other side, and saying this to all you sedentary moms out there: “It’s not easy but it can be done!” Just look at super-unfit-high-cholesterol-me.

We can all take small steps to keep fit. Wanna join me to do so for the Great Eastern Women’s Run 2014? It’s in November and we still have time. We can all work towards a healthier us together!

More details:

GE_BANNERRUNTOLIVEGREAT

  • Asia’s largest all-women run returns, underlining Great Eastern’s continued commitment to helping women live well and stay healthy. This year’s run sees the introduction of a new programme, #RuntoLiveGreat, to encourage non-runners to take that first step towards healthier and better living. The full-fledged programme will challenge 50 pairs of women to step forth and commit themselves to a healthier lifestyle by attending various training sessions, fringe activities and eventually complete a run of any race distance on event day.

 

  • To participate, simply need to submit a photo of yourself and your running partner, telling the organisers what Live Great means to you and your reasons for participating in the #RuntoLiveGreat Programme together. In return, each of the participants will receive a complimentary #RuntoLiveGreat kit worth up to S$350, comprising an adidas workout T-shirt, a pair of New Balance running shoes, a Polar Loop activity tracker and tailored exercise programme including complimentary all-access to three pre-assigned Great Eastern Women’s Run fringe activities.

 

  • This year, the Run will flag off and end at The Float@Marina Bay on Sunday, 9 November 2014. The Great Eastern Women’s Run will feature three race distances – 5km Live Great! Fun Run, 10km and 21.1. For more details on race categories, early bird discounts and promotions, and how to register, visit http://www.greateasternwomensrun.com .

(Self) Examination Milestones and growing up Parenting 101 Re: learning and child training The Kao Kids What to Expect... As a Mother

Parenting at 5, 3-half and 2 (Part 2)

June 9, 2014

It’s incredible what parenting does to you. You can feel a host of extreme emotions – like that of guilt and elation, anger and love, and fatigue and enthusiasm – all on the same day, and sometimes, almost at the same time.

That’s what parenting my 5-year-old Ben, 3-turning-4 Becks and 2-year-old Nat is doing to me.

My littlest exasperates every single day. Without fail. With his mischief and antics. Like sticking the Yakult straw in his ear and wailing non stop for ten minutes in shock and pain. Or aiming his p-part at me to do a wee on me like a rain shower while I bathe him. Or picking things up from the garbage and stuffing his mouth silly with whatever he thinks is edible and having me chase him around the house to stop him. I always feel I have a combo Speedy Gonazales, Tazmanian Devil and Bart Simpson on the loose with him.

Some people whom I recently met commented I’ve lost quite a lot of weight. I think I lost them all by sighing a hundred times a day and chasing after Nat who is thinking up mischief every waking minute of his life.

Hunky Nat

But he is also, at two years of age, the most endearing child of the three. He cries for you, laughs with you, hugs you with no restraints, and tries with all he has to bring a smile across your face. You can ask for a hug or ten kisses and you get them, with no questions asked. His clingy-ness is unbearable on days when I am exhausted but incredibly heartwarming despite that tiredness.

Sporty Nat

This is my boy at two.

***

His brother, on the other hand, is growing up a little faster than I had prepared myself for. But who am I kidding? I don’t think any mother is prepared for her child to grow up.

Ben is now often immersed in his own little world, talking and pretend playing with himself, his animal figurines, his Transformers and Lego people. His vocabulary is extensive, often a close imitation and mish mash of what he hears the adults say. He is sensitive and shows his emotions freely, and is now more a person who is eager to please and to be accepted.

It’s all about solving his own problems, working things out by himself and trying his best with him now.

Yea, that’s my eldest. My firstborn. My big darling that’s going through this phase of self-discovery right now.

Sporty Ben

***

The little girl. Ah, my princess. The one who is getting more girly as days pass. She now wants long hair. She loves dresses. She adores having hair clips and hair ties on her hair and pesters me to comb her hair every day. She has ‘babies’ and loves to play mommy. She even hides in a corner to nurse them, feed them and talk to them.

Yes, this little girl. I don’t know what happened to that tomboy.

Princess Becks

Becks is turning 4 next month and is looking quite the stunner with those pretty big eyes and icy smile. Every day, she’s discovering a whole new world and learning what it means to be her own person in it; complete with learning how to handle – and control – her emotions and tantrums. She’s learning that she’s not two anymore, and we’re not going to be accepting bratty hissy fits like we used to put up with when she was in her Terrible Twos. As she begins to understand what is expected of her as she grows up, my darling girl is also blossoming beautifully – both inside and outside.

My little girl Becks

***

We’re not so much done with growing pains and this is very much the beginning. I’m learning too that my life, as a mother and a person, must not and should not stop as I parent these children, and that I too, must grow, learn, unlearn and relearn to always be appropriate – as opposed to being redundant – in their lives.

The Kao Kids

(Self) Examination Parenting 101 Thunderstorm days

Confessions of a faithful mother

May 23, 2014

“My children shall be taught of the Lord and great shall be their peace.”

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

” Christ in me is the hope of glory.”

Devotional poster_God's promises

P/S: It has been amazing journey blogging and sharing my motherhood with you. After my last post was published (the one about the kids thinking I’m not great), I was overwhelmed to receive your messages, emails and love (you know who you all are). Many of you shared with me how you went through the same thing, how you coped, how you survived. And so many of you wrote me verses to encourage me and remind me that God is faithful and will be with us despite this journey being challenging and arduous. I’m so glad we can learn and lean on one another this way, and even more grateful to be at the receiving end of many kind words.

I’ve compiled something to remind myself to speak aloud everyday as my confession of faith, inspired by all the people who sent verses my way!

Invites & Tryouts Motherkao loves... Reviews

Getting a splashlight at the new Salon Vim

May 21, 2014

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you’d know that we’ve had a challenging three weeks being without live-in help and I’ve gone almost crazy handling the chores, the kids and myself.

So when the helper came and I saw that she was settling ok, I applied for leave from my boss to go get me some me-time. Of course, my lovely boss said yes, and took over my duties for an evening while I headed to the new Salon Vim at 313 Somerset. For a while now, my stylist has been asking me to come check out the latest L’oreal Spring/Summer 2014 Collection, and I have been seeing pretty pictures of gorgeous hair on Salon Vim’s FB page that I can only wish I have – because seriously, which stay-home mom has got time to colour + perm + treat her hair? It takes at least four hours for one of those, and the only time I get four hours to myself on a typical day is after 10pm after the kids go to bed.

Someone should totally start a 24-hour salon; they might get business from stay-home moms like me.

Anyway.

I happily scooted off to 313 Somerset with a rare opportunity of having four hours to myself and found the new Salon Vim at the same level they used to be at (Level 4). And my, their new place is HUGE. It boasts of double the capacity as compared to their previous place and a VIP room (which I was ushered into!) which is cosy, quiet and super comfortable. My stylist, Ymond, took a look at the condition of my hair and declared I needed a trim, a new colour and a hair and scalp treatment – and immediately got to work.

Salon Vim at their new home (Picture credit: Salon Vim)

Salon Vim at their new home (Picture credit: Salon Vim)

He also asked if I would like to go bold and try out the new look called splashlight, which involved selecting a portion of hair to be coloured with a loud, contrasting colour against a base colour. Something like this:

Making a statement with splashlights (Picture credit: Salon Vim)

Making a statement with splashlights (Picture credit: Salon Vim)

Oooh, that would add some excitement to my life, certainly.

He selected magenta red to be “splashed” under a tuft of hair on my left side, and mocha brown as the base colour. While he was mixing and prepping, I was praying I wouldn’t end up looking like Ronald McDonald or Marilyn Manson on a bad hair day. I mean, have you seen how red the dye is?

Magenta red in the making

Magenta red in the making

Clearly, my worries were unfounded, because this, ladies and gentlemen, this was the gorgeous result:

From aunty to chic

From aunty to chic

I like that it’s not-in-your-face loud. I’ve got nothing I want to prove anyway. I like it that, on me, it turns me from aunty-looking to sophisticated chic with a statement that’s classy not angsty.

I like. I like how this splashing of highlights turned out.

Photo time with the hair

Photo time with the hair

I also had a hair and scalp keratin treatment, courtesy of Salon Vim, after the colouring was done, and it was nice to be *finally* flipping through fashion and women magazines after so long. The last time I did so was when I went to Salon Vim for my sombre highlights and soft perm in January. It’s been a while.

Some pampering of the tresses is long overdue, I say

Some pampering of the tresses is long overdue, I say

All in all, it was a happy me-time I had with myself. I’m happy with time alone, happy with the change, happy to get some red carpet treatment and happy to have a bolder new look. Salon Vim is really the place to go to if you want experienced hands who’s skilled in stylish colouring techniques, and a place to check out for the latest trends and styles.

Thank you, Salon Vim, for once again inviting me, and for pampering a tired mother silly!

With Ymond Chin, the stylist that made it all happen!

With Ymond Chin, the stylist that made it all happen!

More details:

Starting from 26 May 2014 for 2 weeks, Salon Vim is offering a 50% discount off their hair and scalp treatment! For $125 (U.P $250), get fussed and pampered while your hair and scalp get royal treatment.

And just for Motherkao readers, Salon Vim is taking 15% off your bill* when you pay them a visit for any hair services! Quote [Motherkao blog] or [Elizabeth from Motherkao] when you make an appointment at 68847757 | 68847767 or email them at vimsalon@yahoo.com.sg. Connect with them via their Facebook page to check out the latest hair creations and get inspired.

Salon Vim by Chez Vous is at 313 @ Somerset Orchard Road #04-25/28, Singapore 238895

*The 15% discount is limited to first time Salon Vim customers only.

Disclosure: I was invited to Salon Vim to try out their services for the purpose of this review. No monetary compensation was received for this post and opinions here are my own.

(Self) Examination Family life as we know it Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids Thunderstorm days

My kids don’t think I’m great anymore

May 20, 2014

A few days ago, I hit an all-time low in my SAHM-hood. I was inconsolable (and still am now) and had to mope around for a couple of days before bracing myself to write this post.

It all started with this book:

I love my Mummy

I’ve read this book to the kids like what, more than 10 times at least, since we had it and the children enjoy the pictures and the heartwarming story in this book by Giles Andreae about all the reasons why the little boy loves his mummy.

The book ends with this, and usually, we’d end our reading of this story with a big group hug and the kids telling me how much they love me:

I love my Mummy_ending

Until a few nights ago when the kids told me, after the story ended, (and I quote Ben and Becks) that their mummy “is not that great” because “she canes us and shouts at us” and that their mummy is more “lousy” than the mummy in the book who is “so fun” to play with.

When I asked them to explain further and asked if their mommy caned and scolded them for no reason (I spoke as the third person), they said, “Our mummy cane us because we are naughty. But why must she do that? Just tell us nicely lah!”

And even after explaining that it’s a mummy’s role to discipline her children – and even the Bible says that sometimes we need to use the rod to chase foolishness away from a child – they still believed that kind of mummy is “not a good mummy”, not like the one in the book we read so often.

After being exasperated for a while, instead of breaking down as I should with tears already welling up in my eyes, I threw a big adult tantrum, told them to go to bed and to find another mummy. I hinted that I may go back to full-time work afterall, because it seemed like my being around them was not appreciated.

Both of them looked at me, with their eyes wide open, and asked me where they can buy a new mummy. Becks also asked if I could go back to work and hire more aunties to take care of them instead.

***

Quite a blow for the stay-home mum ego, isn’t it? Needless to say, I was horribly shaken by what the kids talked about, and what they could conceive in their minds – that they actually wanted to buy a new mum or even entertained the thought of getting others to replace their mum. At that moment I felt that my two years of sacrifice of staying home has all been for nought. Clearly, they are taking the mum presence for granted; they are seeing me around too much to be actually feeling some tinges of contempt that come with familiarity. I mean, if I were working full time, we’d probably treasure those few hours of seeing one another after a day’s work a lot more. I’ll probably scold them less, let them get away with a lot more things, and make the helper clean up after them more often than not.

Because of the fact that I’ve stayed home, and the recent episode of being maid-less for almost three weeks, they’re witnessing before their eyes how their own mother handles stress and adjusts to the unpredictable situations that life throws our way (which isn’t the best, of course); plus the fact that they are at the age where child-training has to take place so that they learn to be independent, I also tend to do more nagging and scolding than praising and encouraging (which is entirely the way I’ve been wired).

And have you seen the way the kids just complete ignore me whenever I give instructions like “Pack up your toys”, “Don’t litter Lego blocks on the floor”, “Please wear your shoes and get ready to go” and I get at least a whole ten minutes of lag time? Which is TOTALLY ANNOYING. I don’t know what else to do but to raise my voice and holler so that I can get things going.

So the kids think this is totally uncool and that Mama is lousy compared to the storybook mum who probably never yells at her kiddo and always smothers him with cuddles.

***

So, as I was saying, I moped around for some time before finally sitting down to write this. I did a lot of thinking after hearing what the kids said to me. It’s true, motherhood really sometimes brings out the worst in me. I scare myself on those days when I lose it; and I probably would never know this awful side of me if I hadn’t stayed home. It makes me wonder if this is all worth it. I could take the easy way out, spoil them silly and just leave the care-giving to full-day daycare. I mean, that is SO doable. I tell you, working (where I previously came from) is definitely much easier than being home with three young children. Why am I doing this, having to show my worst to the kids on crazy days where there’s chores to be done, disobedient children screaming the house down, tantrums to handle, crayons littering the floor, urine stains on the toilet bowl and toilet paper stuffed in every visible corner in the house?

What’s the point?

Of course, it is also silly to take the things that a five-year-old and four-year-old say too seriously. Why, they are children, and they’d say the darndest anyway. The adult at the receiving end should be bigger, in every sense of the word, and be the bigger, better person in handling the “feedback” and be tough enough to soldier on. Afterall, these are the things a mother has to bear.

***

The kids have assured me that they still love me, and Ben has, through tears, told me that he wants me to stay home still. He seems to fear that I might chuck him in childcare and never caring for him ever again; and I am mindful not to say things that would scar him. Becks still wants me to go back to work, because that to her will solve the “Mama has no money” problem, and so she says, which means I can buy her lots of things to eat and stuffed toys to play with, something which her present thrifty stay-home mother does not indulge her in.

I guess it’s still onward with this stay-home journey, albeit with a little discouragement. I’m choosing to believe that I can try to be a nicer person when stress gets in my way and that the kids were probably stressed out too the past three weeks of us being without live-help such that they don’t like the mother that has become the horrible-always-barking-Mom-maid that they are seeing.

It must have been also tough for them to have to put up with me the past weeks.

At least, I am still loved. Even though I am horrible.

Stay home mom motivator

Close encounters with the maid kind Family life as we know it Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids

No more maid woes (for now) – phew!

May 19, 2014

Life’s back to normal at last.

We’ve been without live-in help for 3 weeks and let’s just say, although it’s a good thing to be hands-on once in a while and do everything ourselves, there are mundane chores that can be outsourced so that time can be better spent doing more meaningful things. Afterall, what’s the use of folding clothes for the third time in the day with the kids, and having to re-fold what you tasked them to do because they still can’t do the folding properly just yet?

These 3 weeks have been nothing but exhausting. It’s not so much of the chores, if I come to think of it, it’s more of having to put up with the whining, the sticking (these are clingy children sometimes) and constant quibbling with NO ONE in the day to share your load.

I was supposed to be only maid-less for about a week, but something happened to the domestic helper who came recommended. She chickened out at the medical examination back in her home country; I heard she grabbed her suitcase and was never heard of again. So much for having cold feet.

After receiving this bad news, I looked through a couple more bio datas and interviewed some promising ones only to be rejected in my face. These days, for help that comes from a particular nationality, they choose you instead of vice versa. I seem to fall into the category of being the worst in the lot: three young children, no maid room to offer, employer (that is me) stays home (and so can watch her like a hawk); that plus I also requested that the helper be compensated for off days for the first year which made the search even trickier. Fatherkao was joking that we’d probably get people willing to work for us when our youngest turns 7, when we move to a landed property and when I return to a full-time job.

Bah.

So after some time of praying and hoping, someone finally agreed to come, and we were more than happy to have her. Our present domestic helper came last week and I am glad to say, she’s a great extension of my hands and feet. She came and cleaned and the last I know, everything from the kitchen larder to book shelves and toy boxes have been sorted and organised. There are no more communication breakdowns and I don’t have to teach her to do anything (she can read instruction manuals, labels, and knows how to operate appliances, thank God!). She can practically run the household now, and can even have conversations with the children and read them story books. Becks has been waking up early to be with her, asking her to tie her hair and reading her her princess stories, and although I have to share my children’s love with someone else now, it’s great to be doing my own things once in a while.

So excuse me while I go sip some coffee. I’ve been gulping my cuppas down for 3 weeks and it’s nice to be finally tasting my lattes.

Life just got better.

Life is good

I ♥ lists Milestones and growing up Parenting 101 The Kao Kids What to Expect... As a Mother

The A-Z Guide to staying home

May 13, 2014

This is the second year I’m staying home and it’s been nothing but crazy still. Many people have asked me how I survive on a daily basis, and what my secret is. I wish I could say vodka, but heh no, I don’t drink and have yet to give that to my kids to knock them out.

Although that’s a really tempting thought on really insane days.

Well, I’m still surviving (but barely breathing!) and I’m joining The Gingerbread Mum‘s blog train where she invited 31 stay-home moms to share their survival tips – one mom for each day for the month of May.

So here’s my very own tips – from A-Z – featuring all the things I do / use / need to make it through the madness. There’s no secret, really, but I hope some things in this list can help you make it through each day as they have helped me make it through mine.

You’re welcome.

Motherkao’s A-Z Guide to Staying Home: things you will need and places you must go

Activity books

Activity books can keep young children occupied for quite a while; even the littlest would colour away happily whenever he gets one. Value for money, and great investment in exchange for at least 5 minutes of silence (and longer if the kid is older). You can get these for less than $4 at fairs and mobile booths in shopping malls

I keep the kids iPad and iPhone-free with these

I keep the kids iPad and iPhone-free with these

Balloons

Believe it or not, I buy balloons from the party section in the supermarket. I buy many packets and use balloons to distract the littlest and to break up fights. I get the kids to choose a colour and they love to watch in anticipation while I blow each balloon, one by one, and then I make them volley the balloons and chase them. And while they do that, I can catch a shut-eye for a minute at least.

Chocolates

I stash a few boxes of After Eight in the fridge and sneak a few pieces in my mouth whenever I feel I’m losing it. You already know chocolates are a great cure for depression and insanity, right?

Disney Junior

Channel 311 on Starhub TV, oh, that’s a godsend babysitter. The kids like almost everything on it, from Doc McStuffins and Sophia the First to Jake and the Neverland Pirates and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Now that we’re without a helper, this channel gives me my toilet break and some me-time in the shower. For another awesome babysitter recommendation, refer to the Letter N.

Espresso machine

One of the best things in our kitchen and worth every single cent we sunk in. Think the smell of coffee filling the air in the mornings and freshly brewed lattes that are kind to the stomach. I’ve said goodbye to 3-in-1 and its horrible aftertaste forever since we bought one. If coffee makes you happy, consider investing. We use a Philips Saeco.

Foot rubs

I don’t get to go for these anymore at those koyok-smelling places in the heartlands. No time, no money to buy packages anyway. But I give myself these rubs on my feet once in a while with nice smelling essential oils for a perk-me-up. FYI: your two big toes are connected to your cerebrum so remember to rub hard and press in when you think you’re losing your head.

Grapes

Best.fruit.ever. to give to kids. No need to cut, no need to wash plates or utensils. Just give them a good rinse with skin on and kids get vitamins, fibre and natural sugar.

Husband!

This word deserves a thousand exclamation marks if space allows. He’s your tag-team partner and the one who has to bear all your complaints after a hard day of you staying home. Be nice to him (so he’ll be ready to listen and empathise), always ask how his day was first, and squeeze his shoulders for a bit before you unload.

H is for Husband, the best tag-team partner ever

H is for Husband, the best tag-team partner ever

Ikea’s Småland

Ever since Nat can enter this place (he’s finally 92cm!), I’ve been going there at least once a month to “deposit” the kids while I get at least one hour of me-time and some coffee. Sometimes, I bring a friend who brings her kids and both of us get some adult conversations while the kids play. The best part of this all: IT’S FREE!

Juice

Best “distracting” beverage for the kids – I pour this out a lot whenever they whine for something sweet or I have to throw away candies from goodie bags they get from school. I exaggerate the number of fruits / veggies that they can taste from one sip of the juice – blueberries! grapes! carrots! peaches! apples! – even though it’s usually ‘Mixed Berries’ that they drink (two 1-litre packs for $3.95 from Marigold) and the kids start salivating. Add some ice cubes to make it like a treat! Works wonders every time!

Kdramas

This keeps me going when the going gets rough: the thought of being able to catch one episode – any episode – of something from kdramaland with enough hotness in it after the kids are in bed (Lee Min-ho, I’m looking at you!). Many sites have come, and gone – and failed me – but I’ve found DramaGo and DramaFire to be the most stable for now.

Cannot miss the chance to put a picture of HOT on my blog like a crazy fan girl

Cannot miss the chance to put a picture of HOTNESS on my blog like a crazed fan girl

Library

Place to go where you don’t have to put the books back and organise them by genres (me to OCD self). Place to go when you need to escape from sweltering heat. Place to go so kids can be awed by just how many books there are and to sit comfortably to read. Best place to visit during the school holidays to keep kids occupied.

Mom rules

I have these rules for myself to follow as much as I can. They guide me in the day-to-day handling of the kids and my role as their mother.

Mom rules

Nick Junior

Channel 304! Another terrific babysitter. My kids love this more than the one you read about at the Letter D. I find this channel more educational, slower in pace of moving images, and more engaging. I do still try to limit TV time (but it’s becoming increasingly tough these 2 weeks with no helper) but I really wouldn’t mind them catching the 15-minute segments of the many good shows on this channel – Go, Diego, Go!, Dora the Explorer, Bubble Guppies, Wonder Pets and Ni Hao Kai Lan.

One-pot meals

These help me save time and yet give the kids a meal. I throw frozen prawns, frozen corn and canned pineapples with pineapple rice paste in the rice cooker and we get pineapple rice for dinner. I throw some ribs and lotus in the slow cooker and we get soup. I put in chicken, carrots, potatoes and mushrooms and we get stew. Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Playground

When I see the kids getting restless and sense that they need to expend their energy a little, I head on down to the nearest neighbourhood playground. Now that the kids are older, I leave them to play and climb and run while I sit and stone on the bench. Keeps me sane in the evenings too.

Quiet time

Now with the Bible app on my phone, I read the verse of the day and meditate on it throughout the day. For me, it really is crucial to spend time praying. Like the saying goes, prayer IS really the best way to draw strength from heaven.

Running Man

Ooooh! I am addicted to this, and like what you’d read while at the Letter K, the thought of being able to unwind with this after the kids go to bed keeps me going when the going gets tough. On particularly bad days, I find myself needing to watch this to have a good laugh before I sleep. I laugh out loud heartily (this variety show is just TOO funny!), release all the tension of the day, and when I finally feel that the stress is all gone, I go to sleep happy. Running Man *Hwaiting!* !

I catch my Running Man episodes here

I catch my Running Man episodes here

Singapore Mom Bloggers

I belong to this wonderful closed group called Singapore Mom Bloggers and we have meaningful virtual connections and friendships online. I share and rant there, and seek advice a lot from the mothers in the group, and having these moms as my friends keeps me sane on crazy stay-home days.

Terminal 3

If the kids need space to run; if you need a decent place to eat out on weekends but don’t want to queue for that long (compared to places in town); if you need to dream of a holiday; if your kids want to be monkeys without you being judged, head on down to Terminal 3. This is our place to go on weekends; and my kids monkey around at the viewing gallery together with many other kids while the parents look out at planes and plan their next getaway.

Updates

I have stopped feeling guilty of scrolling my phone to check status updates on FB and Instagram. Why, I need to connect with people too, I face the kids almost 24/7, y’unno.

Verbal diarrhea

Known fact: women de-stress by talking. Talking helps them connect. Talking helps them unwind. So talk. Talk to husband. Talk to children. Talk to children’s stuffed toys. Talk to children’s school teachers. Talk to furniture. Talk to self. Talk to cleaners, pump attendants, service staff at restaurants and cashiers. TALK. It ALWAYS makes you feel better. Just make sure you won’t have to put your foot in your mouth while at that.

Water play

For hot days. For days they refuse to get in the bath. For days when I need 15 minutes to chill with a cup of tea. I turn on a trickle, throw in lots of plastic cups, bottles, bottle caps, and pails and get them to play while I sit outside the toilet with my cup of tea and watch them. Fun at a small price, and will certainly continue if PUB doesn’t increase our utility fees.

Or places like these also can:

Free fountain fun at Greenwich V

Free fountain fun at Greenwich V

Xerox-ing

Having a printer that can photocopy is extremely helpful. I zap things for the kids to do again and again, like their favourite colouring pages and activity mazes. If you own one of those Grolier Logico sets, the back of each card has an activity which you can xerox for the kids to try.

Young Living’s Essential oils

I’ve tried essential oils from Young Living for close to 6 months now and I am one happy convert. I oil the kids’ soles – and mine and Fatherkao’s – religiously and use the oils for various ailments and aches. They work great for me, by the way, especially Peace & Calming, which soothes me much after a tiring day with the kids.

Zoo (and the River Safari)

Our two default places to go if the weather is good and I have energy (the River Safari is fully sheltered, by the way). These two places never fail to thrill the Kao kids, and they just love the idea of being there looking at animals. Favourite hangouts: Frozen Tundra, Giant Pandas’ Den and Rainforest Kidz World. Oh yes, I’ve calculated that the zoo family membership is worth it if you visit at least 6 times a year. And also, this is the place to go during the school holidays if you’ve run out of things to do.

Z is fo Zoo

Love the cool at Kai Kai and Jia Jia’s den at the River Safari

There you have it, a list from A to Z! My favourites are the letters H, K and R. What are yours?

~~~

The next mom on the blog train is Summer, who blogs at A Happy MumSummer is a media executive turned SAHM from Singapore who stepped into the gratifying journey of motherhood during her four-year stay in Sweden. It was then she realised that this was her destiny all along and she is now the mother of two lovely girls. She believes that contentment is bliss and that happiness is about making the best of what you have. A Happy Mum is a place where she blogs about motherhood, babies, love, DIY crafts, travelling and all things happy. Join her tomorrow as she shares a heartfelt post on how she maintains her emotional well-being as a SAHM.

Summer_A Happy Mum

Need more survival tips? Read them all here from all of us on The Gingerbread Mum’s Blog Train! 



This post is part of a blog train hosted by The Gingerbread Mum 
where 31 stay-at-home mums share their survival tips. We hope that you’ll find our tips useful and remember that you’re not alone!