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Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids The real supermom What to Expect... As a Mother

Bye bye sleep training, bring on co-sleeping

September 11, 2012

The marriage bed has lost its sanctity. I thought I could preserve it, but alas. I have also officially lost the battle in sleep training.

Everyone’s now on our bed, in our room, every night; while fatherkao sleeps alone in the children’s room. So much for buying fancy bunk beds and cartoon bedsheets. For the kids, it’s not what they sleep on, but who they sleep with that matters.

So for a while now, we’re all sleeping in the master bedroom. Tuck-ins start at 9pm. Baby’s on my chest, Ben’s on my left and Becks is on my right. They fall asleep after a lot of nagging and threatening (of Mr Cane coming) from me.

We’ve managed to squeeze a toddler bed from IKEA and a toddler mattress on the floor in the master bedroom to accommodate everyone, so by 10pm when they all fall asleep, I shift everyone into position: Ben sleeps on the floor, Becks sleeps on the bed next to mine, and I sleep with the baby. Like this:

 

But with this arrangement, I shuttle around the room every night on a three hourly basis on good nights and an hourly basis on bad ones.

12am: Ben discovers he is alone on the floor. He gets up and cries. I awake (usually with great annoyance) and pat him to sleep in the little corner where his mattress is. On good nights, he sleeps through and gets over the fact the mother-presence is a metre away. On bad ones, he wakes up again and crawls onto the bed to search for my armpit and snuggles under it. Don’t ask me why. I think he feels very tucked in and safe under it.

2.39am: Baby Nat stirs and looks for the mother-presence, usually with his rooting reflex in full gear, ready to suckle for comfort. I indulge his bad, bad habit. Since going to infantcare, he has had the sniffles frequently and my heart has been broken so many times to see him ill. And so he suckles, left and right and right and left, all night long. And by the way, I do the moving from left to right and right to left – the baby doesn’t.

4.58am: Becks whines and asks for milk. Her night wakings have become less frequent, so on good nights she usually wakes up at this time to ask for milk. Some nights I ignore her and she falls asleep again. Some nights I roll over to her bed and hold her tight and speak to her in a soft voice telling her to wait till it’s “wakey wakey” time. Some nights she badgers till the baby wakes up and Ben starts stirring, and I do a shuttle run and make her milk at the fastest possible speed to stop her from crying the house down. Some nights she gives me hell even before this time with her night terror screams and I’m like running from one corner of the room to the other in a semi-conscious state making sure everyone is ok. During those nights, if they all wake up in shock and can’t go back to sleep, I gather everyone like a mother hen and we all huddle on the bed.

6.20am: Time for motherkao to wake up

My night duty applies for both weekdays and weekends. I’d thought if I delay tuck-ins a little later on weekends, the kids would probably be knocked out and not have me perform this running about in a groggy state, but boy was I wrong about that.

I’m severely sleep deprived. I’m so glad Kai Kai and Jia Jia are coming soon. I hear they are on a ten-year loan from China. Tis’ great cos’ for the next ten years of my life I will bring my kids to the zoo and teach them personification with illustrations: my mother is a panda.

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Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids

Life’s too short not to…

September 7, 2012
Life’s too short not to be running in the fields
And feeling the dew under the skin on your toes
 
Life’s too short not to be having a splashing good time
In the rain
 
Life’s too short not to be making a mess
And then some more
 
Life’s too short not to be blowing soap bubbles
In a tub full of suds in a room filled with laughter
 
Life’s too short not to be snuggling a minute more
Together on Mama and Papa’s bed
 
Life’s too short not to be twirling around
And dancing to another song
 
Someday, my love, you’ll grow up
And life’s too short to be wishing we’ve done more of these things with you
 
 
 
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(Self) Examination Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids

How motherhood has changed me

September 5, 2012

When Justina (http://makingmum.blogspot.fr/) invited moms from the SMB group to reflect and share how motherhood has changed us, I was hesitant to answer the call to contribute a guest post for her blog. I mean, motherhood has changed me in so many ways. There’s the lack of sleep, the ability to swallow food whole, and the power of holding everything in, if you know what I mean – from your own pee to the frustration of being driven up the wall the 95th time. And then there’s the I-became-a-more-efficient-and-competent-person kind of change. At least for me, I have bragging rights of being able to nurse an infant, sing lullabies to my toddlers and use my toes to scroll the iPad to read my e-magazine, all at the same time. Motherhood has helped me discover powers I never knew I had, such as the untapped potential of using my toes and elbows to perform many a circus act every day.

Nevertheless, I eventually decided to take up the challenge to do a little bit more reflecting. Three years as a mom is no mean feat. I know I have indeed changed. Perhaps this opportunity to reflect would help me discover what it means to be a mother and who I’ve become today, and to give me a clearer direction on how to soldier on this challenging journey.

And it did. Justina featured me in her blog today. You can read the entry here and join us as we celebrate a month of motherhood. You can also hop around her blog to read other posts by mothers whose lives have been radically changed by just being moms. [Thanks, Jus, for the opportunity].

This post is my most honest piece yet.

***

Before I became a mother, I was a prissy, stuck-up, pain in the ass. I had an attitude. I thought the world of myself and very little of others. I was driven, demanding, and a no-nonsense kind of person.

I did some things I was proud of: I wake-boarded; I scuba-dived. As an undergraduate, I worked at a prestigious lifestyle mag and interned at a dive magazine. My boss sent me to Australia to market his magazine at a dive symposium. I shook hands with cool people from the diving circle. When I got married, I went backpacking with the husband. We travelled to Italy, Vienna, Czech Republic and Hungary. We explored quaint towns, and stayed with the locals and at youth hostels. We made friends from all over the world over beer, coffee and goulash.

I’d like to think I was pretty accomplished before I had kids.

Today, I no longer dive, wakeboard or backpack. I bake. And cook. I change poopy diapers, clean mucous and sing lullabies. Along the motherhood journey, I’ve lost my cool, blown my top, terrified the galls out of them, complained, murmured, and done all of the above on a repeated basis. I’ve failed too many tests of endurance and the willingness to sacrifice. Along the way, I have also crushed them with some of the most horrid things I’ve ever said, and treated them way too impatiently, emotionally and unfairly. In short, of the three years of being mom, I’ve made quite a mess of the whole process.

But I’ve also watched, as the days go by, how my heart is slowly transformed by just being my children’s mother in the everyday. I’d like to think that having gone through three pregnancies, three deliveries and now, mothering three very different, but unique individuals, motherhood has changed me for the better. In the good and the bad of everyday parenting, my children have molded my heart and invited me to experience God in ways deeper than I’ve ever imagined.

Being a mother has taught me that it’s ok to make a mess. I’ve learned to admit my mistakes, deal with my guilt and move on; more quickly and steadily than before I was a mom. I learned that children can be very forgiving. And above all else, I’ve learned that God the Father extends his forgiveness and love ever more readily to me now. He stops me from beating myself up, takes me into His loving arms and tells me “Liz, it’s ok”.

Being a mother has taught me to draw parameters for my anger and to pursue love at all cost. To channel my emotional energy at the right places, for the right things and towards the right people. It’s impossible to be a parent without feeling a host of intense emotions, but it’s definitely possible to lean on His grace to handle the trickier ones. Best of all, God has shown me that as my Heavenly Father, He has pursued me with love at all cost. And as a mother, I have the best example to follow and model after.

Being a mother has taught me what really matters in life. All of a sudden, when you become a mother, you possess the amazing ability to differentiate between futility and priority. I began to realize that life is brief, and that there remains the absolute need to live for the now and to leave an influence and impact so great for my children for the future. So I learned to be more efficient to exchange for more time with them. I learned that character matters. Imparting values matters. Being a better me matters. Ben making funny sounds with his tongue does not. Becks kicking off her shoes in the car does not. The kids making a paper cut-out mess and flinging shreds and gravel from the fish tank into their baby brother’s cot does not. In the grander scheme of things, even though they may be annoying, it’s just futility to be sweating the small stuff.

And last of all, being a mother has taught me to see the beauty in the small things. Where once upon a time I was a way-too-busy-to-smell-the-roses kind of person, today, I’ll give anything to kiss my children’s little feet, stroke their hair and put my finger in their tiny hands. They’ve taught me to stop, take a deep breath, and listen to the ambient sounds: that little sigh, that gurgling chuckle, that inaudible whimper. I’ll put my nose close to Nat’s mouth just so I can take in the smell of his baby breath. I’ll whisper into Ben’s ear just to see him wriggle away, tickled and laughing. And I would peck Becks on her chubby cheek just to watch her break into a coy little grin. I learned that I am mother and I am not too busy to enjoy my children.

In motherhood, I’ve learned to lose my attitude. That attitude. I don’t think I’m so prissy and stuck-up anymore, although it’s really still a journey and I’m very much a piece of work-in-progress. But I wouldn’t change anything. Without my kids, I wouldn’t be who I am today; and I am happier to be me now than me then.

How has motherhood changed me? My children have cut me open. That has allowed God to do something to my heart. They’ve added a profound dimension to my life in which I will continue to discover as long as I am their mother.

Motherhood has made me a better person.

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Becks Kao Ben Kao Learning fun!

Mandarin fun at PerchingKids

August 8, 2012

I love my mother tongue. I really do. I grew up in a Mandarin-speaking environment. My parents were Chinese-educated folks who trained me well in the Chinese language. I could read and write in Chinese by four. I recited Tang poetry. I understood the history, folklore and myths behind Chinese idioms, sayings and proverbs and their metaphorical nuances. I took part in Chinese essay writing competitions in school and even once at a national level. And I’ve a few trophies in my parents’ place to boast of that. All through school, I’ve always excelled in the subject. I aced my Chinese oral and written examinations in primary and secondary school every year.

I can see some raised eyebrows now.

I also happen to be the proud owner of a certificate that qualifies me as an effectively billingual translator, written and spoken. I went to night school to study translation with the Singapore Chinese Chamber of Commerce while at my first job a few years back.

That said, my kids can’t speak proper Mandarin for nuts. Even when they do try, their pronounciation is so off you’d be laughing on your belly. I already knew I was in serious trouble the day their teachers said they demonstrated no interest during Chinese lessons. So much for me doing well in Chinese. What happened to my offsprings?

Given the sorry state we are in, no thanks to motherkao and fatherkao not speaking much Mandarin at home (*hangs head in shame*), I’d grab any opportunity for them to be exposed to the language. So when Regina (mummymoo.com) did a giveaway for trial lessons at PerchingKids, I grabbed the opportunity. This new Chinese enrichment centre (the first in Singapore and since 2003 in Shanghai) in the new I12 Katong boasts of its success in teaching children Mandarin in a fun and rewarding way. Its programme promises to make the language come alive and to engage each child. The children learn though play and experiential learning. At PerchingKids, there are no classroom settings – no whiteboards and markers, no teacher-talk, no assessment books. Just lots of play, interaction and theme-based learning, all done in Mandarin.

Becks and Ben attended the music class and creative learning class for their age group. They were the only students in the class and the teacher, Xiao Mei, took them through hand and finger actions, sing-along, running in circles and jumping up and down for the music class. I was encouraged to accompany them and participate; which explains why I could only start snapping pictures of them learning when they were seated. One of the songs they learned in the class was the names of each finger of our hand. But I doubt they remember them. I’m embarrassed to say, I forgot too.

The creative class was the more engaging of the two. Teacher Xiao Mei helped them understand the concept of weather changes and colours during the lesson. She switched the lights on and off to show them “lighning”, got them to slap their hands on the wall for the “roaring of thunder”, had them paint the colours of the sky using their hands and fingers in a variety of shades, and got them to make clouds by flinging wet, bunched-up toilet paper onto the walls. She also had them create “rain” with a wet paintbrush and taught them to describe the “drizzling” they see on the paper and floor. And this was all done in Mandarin.

Needless to say, the kids had fun. They didn’t feel so awkward to be using Mandarin and they learned new words to add to their vocabulary. I’d be expecting them to show their vocab off the next time it rains.

MORE DETAILS:
  • PerchingKids is at I12 Katong, #-04-04/07. Check out their website for more details of their programmes for children aged 0-6.
  • You can even sign up for a demo class. Contact them direct or call Judy at 9181 1130.
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Ben Kao Milestones and growing up Motherkao loves... Nat Kao

You’ll always have a place in my heart

July 31, 2012

These are my boys.

My firstborn and my littlest. Amidst the challenges I’ve been facing with their sister, the middle child, they’ve been the loveliest and most patient to have around. They wait their turn to get Mama, they play by themselves and with each other. Ben, my eldest, always has a smile on his face, a skip in his step and a question to ask. He follows instructions, listens to good reason and shows his love for the people in the house in his own little ways.

Baby Nat has been having a viral infection with a bad combination of mild fever, runny nose and whooping cough. He’s been wakeful every possible hour because it’s been just hard to go to sleep with a cough as bad as his. And yet, he always, always, always has a little grin on his face for anyone who asks how he is doing.

These are the two sweetest babies a mother would ever know.

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Becks Kao Happy days What to Expect... As a Mother

It’s my party and I cry if I want to

July 31, 2012

The little girl has officially turned two.  Most of you know I’ve been having quite a challenging time with her. Ever since she was born, she was this screamy bundle that wouldn’t give a hoot about the time and place to let her wails out. When she was a baby, at least I had a pacifier. Now that she’s 24 months, it’s hard to stop her from her crying crescendos. At 24 months, she still doesn’t give a hoot about the time and place. Just this week alone, she threw hissy fits in the lift, at the lift lobby at our flat and in the carpark. She also tortured me and the baby at night by crying and kicking hourly, and into the wee hours of the morning. It would have been perfectly fine by me if she whimpered like a baby; but unfortunately she usually yells her lungs out and we end up having to shut the windows to save ourselves from being stoned by the neighbours. Oh yes, she also bit me on my left leg when she got angry with me for trying to put her to bed.

Her turning two has left me feeling a sense of anticipation and dread. I’m hoping things with her will get better soon enough. Or will it?

We had a celebration for her in school on Friday. We got her excited way before this day came and asked her what she wanted for her cake about three weeks before her birthday. She was into penguins then, so she quickly said “Penguin!” and I got Debbie (sweetyendings.blogspot.sg) to customise a healthy, pretty Penguin cake for her celebration (read how she made the cake). We arrived at the school early hoping to surprise the little girl with this gorgeous creation, and pretty colouring-book-and-pencils party packs we had painstakingly packed the week before.

But when she came to the dining area, her royal highness was looking like the grumps. She obviously threw a fit before coming in. Her teachers said she didn’t want to wake up from her nap. She saw me and started sobbing.

Despite the clowning around by her father and brother and cuddles from me, Little Miss Grumpy still wasn’t excited, or even look it. We went ahead with the celebration anyway. A hundred marks for the loveliest big brother of the century who tried to twit around her to make her laugh. Needless to say, our birthday star couldn’t care for it.

Finally, after some time, it suddenly hit her that it was her birthday. And that she was gonna have cake! That was when she finally smiled.

The cake was the best part of the party. It was uber yummy and wholesome. Chunks of banana and cinnamon and generous toppings of cream cheese. Not too sugary. Not too heavy. The children all ate with a smile on their faces. Becks’ bestie, KM, had three helpings! The birthday girl and her brother licked off the penguin’s eyes, nose and pink ribbon.

Finally. At last, my darling was happy.

She also got a party pack for her dainty self that reads “Thank you for being a part of my 2nd birthday celebration“. Thank you, my dear girl, for being a part of your own birthday celebration. I was so afraid you were gonna sulk throughout!

 

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Family life as we know it Happy days The Kao Kids

Two loaves, sixteen cupcakes and a happy weekend

July 15, 2012

The car’s at the mechanic till Tuesday, so we were all home bound this weekend.

For the first time, we didn’t have to crack our heads to think of where to go for breakfast / lunch / dinner, or where to head to so our kids can have their energies expended. We told the kids the car’s not available, so we’d have to make the most of the weekend at home.

And so they did. They played with toy cars, rowed imaginary boats, blew soap bubbles, clowned around with Nat’s rattles, read books, solved puzzles (we finally got down to using the Grolier Logico Primo system) and watched the terrapins chomp down all the fish in the tank (yes, by Sunday there was zero fish). They also played peek-a-boo with their baby brother and hide-and-seek with each other, and helped me crack eggs, mix batter and measured flour. I churned out a total of two loaves of bread, one with whole wheat and one with organic wholemeal, using the bread machine, a dozen lemon muffins and four more with Koko Krunch, and a loaf of bluberry yogurt sponge. And since we couldn’t go to Pasta Mania at Terminal Three, which we do every weekend to satisfy Ben’s creamy pasta fix, I also made kickass angelhair Alfredo with pure cream, cheese and lots of streaky bacon and honey baked ham.

Very satisfying, for a mother who relieves stress by baking and cooking.

But what made the weekend a truly happy one was that I was eternally grateful we spent it as a family; and that Daddy came home. The reason why the car’s with the mechanic was because the car skidded on a puddle of oil while fatherkao was making the bend on the e’way on a rainy Saturday morning. The bumper crashed into the barricade on the road shoulder and the car spun three-sixty. But God’s angels protected fatherkao and kept him snug in the car. He was unscathed and unhurt despite the damage.

You have no idea how thankful I was to be able to snap this at bedtime:

Thank you, Jesus.

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Ben Kao Everyday fun! Fatherkao loves... Happy days

Unfulfilled childhood dreams

July 9, 2012

This is what happens when my children’s father has unfulfilled childhood dreams.

He goes to Planet Toy, blows a couple of hundred on Takara Tomy’s diecast cars and tracks. He says he would never allow our sons to say ‘I’ve always wanted one of these, but never got them’.

I wished I’d taken a picture of my two boys, aged thirty-eight and three respectively, playing with cars; and a video of them making funny sounds when they play.

And I happen to also know my husband had always wanted a massive rail system, complete with diecast trains, and a Husky. Uh-oh.

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Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids

Simplicity

June 25, 2012

To my dear children,

The world you will be growing up in would be so much more perplexing and complicated. I pray you will make God your guiding light in every step of the way.

I had a childhood in a much simpler world.

When I was your age, the playgrounds I knew consisted of sand, granite fixtures, wooden splintered planks for see-saws and rusty merry-go-rounds.

The grandpa I knew grew a jackfruit tree so huge cats could sleep on its branches. The grandma I knew pierced my cousin’s ears with a hot blistering needle. I watched her kill rats with her wooden clogs. I watched him crack open jackfruits from his harvest.

I ate iced pops for ten cents and called my mother at a pay-phone with the same amount of money. My father had a pager louder than a siren.

I took school buses that did not have air conditioning and carried a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle school bag in purple. My favourite Ninja Turtle’s name was Leonardo. My sister’s was Michelangelo.

I listened to cassette tapes and made collections of my favourite songs by pressing the record button on a blank tape. I played handheld games that needed only four AA-sized batteries. I wrote to penpals, collected stamps and joined the Bookworm Club.

I ran around barefoot, ate dirt and chomped down curdled pig’s blood in my bowl of yong tau foo.

I threw coins in a wishing well and got a Boggle game set and a Charlie Brown metal pencil case for Christmas.

When my mother and father took pictures of me, we waited for almost a week before we could see them.

This was a picture taken almost three decades ago. No surprises here which one is your mother.

Someday, when you’re old enough to recall bits of your childhood, remember to write a letter back to Mama. I would like to hear what you thought your world was like.

 

Love always,

Mama

 

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