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MotherKao

Milestones and growing up Nat Kao The darndest kid quotes and antics The Kao Kids

Can’t carry on

November 9, 2012

Does your kid have a favourite phrase he’d say to you regardless of time and place? My two older kids’ fave is “Mama, carry me”.

Of course, depending on the time and place, my replies are usually as follows:

“How am I supposed to? I’m carrying your baby brother.”

“Why don’t you walk, my dear?”

“Shall we hold hands instead?”

“You’re getting quite heavy, my love!”

“I’m really tired today and would like to rest my arms / back / legs.”

“Darling, let’s hug first. And then you can sit next to me.”

Of course, fatherkao often reminds me that we won’t be getting these requests soon enough and that we should savour every moment. I totally agree. In fact, I’d always say to myself ‘to heck with the backache and fatigue’ and try as much as I can to smother these babies, all three of them, with loads of hugs and kisses, and indulge them in a great deal of carrying. In fact, I baby the baby so much I now have a problem: he wants to be carried all the time.

At nine months, he is unable to travel in the car on the car seat. For nine months, I can never drive without witnessing moments like these:

Pardon the picture quality – snapped this shot at a dark basement carpark yesterday

At nine months, just like his older siblings, he’s learned to say their favourite phrase his way, “Mama, carry me”!

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Re: learning and child training

Prepping to homeschool #3

November 9, 2012

I have this grand plan to do lots of outdoor experiential learning when I stay home with the kids next year. I intend to bring them out to breathe lots of fresh air and get in touch with nature A LOT, and if we do serendipitously get caught in the rain, eat some mud and fall asleep on rolling hills, yea! – that will be perfect.

So item #5 on my to-do list is to schedule plenty of field trips for exploration and discovery. Here’s what I plan to do:

1) Explore nature with the kids (Ideas adapted from parentmap.com)

  • Seeing the world through a magnifying glass: Get the kids to look at everything in the park up close with a magnifying glass
  • Catching bugs: Make simple plastic boxes with removable lids for crawly critters, and try to catch some of our common city bugs like shiny black beetles, grubs and caterpillars.
  • Drawing what you see: Bring drawing paper and crayons and have the kids draw/colour whatever they see at the park; this will be followed by a conversation to have them share their favourite part of the park and why they’ve decided to draw what they drew.

2) Go to the wet market

  • Yes, shopping for fresh food will be a field trip in itself. Kids will get to learn the parts of the fish – gills, scales, gut, whatever – and get to touch their cold dead bodies. (Reminder to self: must bring sanitiser and wet wipes.) Kids will also learn to count by helping Mom take the required number of carrots, potatoes and onions, and how to manage simple accounting by holding the grocery purse.

3) Visit the zoo to learn about the animals, one animal at a time

  • Since we have the zoo membership, we’ll make good use of it next year by going there as often as we can. Children can take turns to choose an exhibit/enclosure and we will only head to the selected one for each trip. We’ll learn all we can about that particular animal. Follow-up activity includes going to the library for the rest of the week to read up about the animal (non-fiction) and find stories featuring the animal (fiction).

4) Take a bus / MRT / LRT  to any destination and people-watch

  • Perfect lesson to teach modes of transportation, occupations and parts of a vehicle / transportation system.

5) Build sandcastles on the beach

  • This is to make sure kids can walk on sand barefoot without going “eewww”. Kids can also learn to mould things with their imagination.

6) Play at the various kid-friendly parks, pay money to go longkang fishing (again and again) to train dexterity and go to the Animal Resort near our place before it relocates. Also visit the new Gallop Stable at Punggol when it opens.

  • Learn about small animals, horses and pets. Play and expend energy!

We’re Friends of the Zoo and the kids love to go there!

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Re: learning and child training

Prepping to homeschool #2

November 8, 2012

We all know there are countless benefits to early musical training. I recently read a very good article on the benefits of music education for children. I didn’t need any convincing, by the way; the article spelled out 12 reasons why a child should learn music at an early age. I was doing more of a mental checklist to see if I displayed any of those traits mentioned (spatial intelligence, reasoning ability, language proficiency, creativity, teamwork skills and discipline, just to name a few), since my parents also put me through some form of a music education when I was four. After reading that list, I didn’t feel that I was a good representation of someone having been put through classical piano training, because, seriously – spatial intelligence? creativity? logical reasoning ability – are you kiddin’ me? me? But that will be for another post another time.

Nevertheless, research has shown that a little music training, even if it’s for a few years, goes a long way in improving the adult brain when it comes to listening and processing complex sounds. According to a study, short-term music lessons may enhance lifelong listening and learning. Other studies also prove that listening and playing music benefits many areas of the brain at the same time. Music is able to activate the cerebellum, a brain area traditionally thought to coordinate only fine movement or motor behavior, in a very powerful way. Learning music has also been proven to help children mathematically and linguistically.

So we’re going to try to teach Ben and Becks some basics in understanding notation, scales, chords and keys since fatherkao can play the guitar and the organ, and I can still recall some things I learned from classical piano training. A good friend of ours recently picked up the ukelele and bought Ben one for his third birthday and now fatherkao is frantically learning how to play some simple tunes from Youtube to teach Ben. I recently chanced upon this website that provides free resources for teaching simple notation using worksheets and games. Let’s see if we can get a simple tune out on the keyboard and ukelele by Christmas next year.

The plan is to teach Ben the ukelele and get Becks to hold the case and send them busking away!

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Re: learning and child training

Prepping to homeschool #1

November 7, 2012

As Ben is fast approaching four and as I’m preparing myself to stay home, I can’t help but start making plans for the things I want to do with the kids, and what I want them to learn. I guess it’s a really good thing to have made the decision to stay home and homeschool them next year, because all of a sudden, I’m thinking, breathing and taking full responsibility and accountability for what will fill their waking hours and how they can develop and grow. I mean, if I’d continue down the full-time working path, I’d just leave them in the care of their teachers and hope that they’ll do a good job training them and developing their potential. Mentally, I’d probably not feel the urgency to fully take charge of their learning. I’d also probably not feel so panicky as I do now. I’m not panicking because I’m a kiasu mom; I just feel the heavy weight on my shoulders to start making good decisions and plan meticulously for these early childhood years, which I’ll have the privilege to spend with them.

So on my to-do list to ensure that we make good these three to four years together, I intend to:

1) Properly plan the homeschooling curriculum, teach good learning habits and impart godly values

2) Hunt for a good kindergarten programme which would support my homeschooling curriculum (I do not intend for it to be the other way round – it’s going to be homeschooling first and kindergarten learning as enrichment, particulary for Chinese)

3) Sign the kids up for sports education

4) Introduce music education and have them learn a musical instrument

5) Schedule field trips of discovery and exploration (which should include taking public transport, going to the zoo to study one animal at a time, playing barefooted at parks and making sandcastles at beaches)

With that, I’ve started my research and reading up so I can be more ready to stay home next year. I’m starting a series of learning more about each item on my to-do list this November. We’ll start with item #4 tomorrow. Join me as I discover the homeschooling momma in me.

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Nat Kao Thunderstorm days

One too many

November 6, 2012

My baby boy has seen viruses and infections of many kinds. He’s eight months old, coming to nine, and to date, this boy has had:

1) two bouts of diarrhea, one lasting as long as two weeks

2) one bout of gastric flu (the virus was so potent it knocked me out too)

3) two throat infections followed by the works: phlegm, cough, runny nose

4) three occasions of congested nose followed by high fever

5) and this just in yesterday: conjunctivitis

People who know me know that I stand by my decision to send all my children to infantcare. I stand by it because this is the best option of all the limited options I have being a full-time working mom. Sure, there’s the option to leave my babies with a domestic helper (or even two helpers) and have her mind my kids, or to leave them with a nanny and do pick-ups when I knock off. I chose to leave all my babies at infantcare because I’d much prefer to trust professional teachers who have experience and genuine love for caring for babies, and have my children interact with other babies and to socialise. At the infantcare which all my three kids have gone to (and Nat will still be there till I stay home next year), the teachers fill the infants’ day with lots of activities – storytelling, music-making, sing-along and mini-lessons to help in their development. They’re not plonked in front of the tv the whole day or just mechanically fed, burped and put to bed when it’s naptime. My babies have done gym workouts, cut cheese, rolled sushi rice, squeezed frozen toothpaste and painted with their fingers and toes. They go for outdoor strolls, do simple craft work and play with the many available developmental toys there. The infantcare teachers that loved Ben and Becks to bits and showered them with so much love are the same ones that are caring for Nat today.

Unfortunately, the babies also catch each other’s germs and viruses more easily and readily, and I’ve had my fair share of heartaches during the early years when Ben and Becks were there. This is now the third time running of having my heart broken again and again – for Baby Nat.

How much can a mother take? I’m seeing my PD as frequent as once a week, and sometimes even twice a week and the medical expenses are escalating to a new high. Yesterday, after three days of low-grade fever and lots of sniffing, my poor baby started to have gooey green discharge coming from  his eyes. Those big, round, charming eyes have been reduced to swollen, red, slity ones. Antibiotics, Iliadin nose drops, Sterimar nasal spray, antihistamines, nebulising – here we go again. I’m not sure if it’s fair to make the causal link to him being in infantcare but it’s surely not rocket science that there’s a correlation. I can only encourage myself while being up and comforting a sick baby at 1, 3 and 5 in the morning that he will be stronger and tougher after each episode and pray that God protects everyone in this house from these virus attacks.

My dear baby boy, it won’t be long till Mama stays home to take care of you full-time. You’re one tough cookie for a baby, my love.

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Close encounters with the maid kind

Maid Woes, Part 3

November 1, 2012

Never judge a book by its cover. And never dismiss a maid because of her skin colour.

That’s the other lesson I learned from my week-long maid woes, apart from the fact that I should heed my gut instincts when I meet someone with shifty eyes. My current domestic helper is in a hurry to go back to her country to get her ears checked. She’s called her family to meet her at the capital and given them instructions to bring enough money so she can get an MRI scan at a private hospital. Unfortunately, at the agency’s end, there aren’t any maids with ready passports. To get a new one would mean my helper, who is now unable to focus with the swelling pain in her ears and spinning head on her shoulders, would have to stay on for another four to six weeks more before her replacement comes. I didn’t want to prolong her suffering, so I asked the agency to let me know when they have suitable transfer maids coming in. They did – they sent me two sets of biodata and I chose the one with the more pleasant smile. And fairer skin.

The thing about being transferred and “returned” to the agency is that, it usually is never a good thing. You must take the time to go listen to the story behind why the maid is there. So the story for the one I sent home (yes, the one I got suckered) went like this: she worked for 13 months without any problems. But one fine day her then-employers got a call from their previous maid who worked for them for 4 years saying she wanted to return. So without any hesitation, they made arrangements to take back the old and promptly “discarded” the new. Yes, so I got the one the employer “discarded”. She came and staged a pitiful drama and was a complete disaster.

Now that she’s gone, and I am still desperately seeking a replacement, I asked about the other transfer maid whom I didn’t choose. I didn’t choose her in part because she had a big built (she looked huge in the photo) and in part because she was, well, very, very dark-skinned. Don’t judge me now. Believe you me, I’m not racist. My first concern was that I’m worried if my kids would be used to seeing someone who looked so different from us in the house. But after what happened with the shifty eyes girl,  I was desperate. I decided to interview the dark-skinned one. I was also allowed to bring her home for a four-hour orientation, to see if she was suitable for us. In those four hours, I was able to assess her attitude and aptitude to learn. I could also make sure she didn’t have shifty eyes. And I also had the chance to observe how my children took to her and if she genuinely liked children.

The conclusion after those four-hours? I kicked myself really hard. Why didn’t I choose her in the first place? She was warm, friendly, and most of all, kind. She shares the same faith as us. She listened attentively to my helper who was trying to explain things to her. Her transfer story (with lots of corroboration) was acceptable: elderly folk she was hired to take care of had to follow son to to his new post in Japan, so maid was sent back. Best of all, she was bubbly and happy, and even tried to make Becks laugh. Now, anyone who attempts to engage my daughter and tries to play with her, in my opinion, is worth her salt. So I said yes to her and told the agent to proceed with the paperwork. And I also told myself to never ever dismiss someone because of her skin colour.

Shame on you, motherkao, for judging a person by the colour of her skin. Let’s hope things will work out for us now.

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Close encounters with the maid kind

Maid Woes, Part 2

October 29, 2012

I am so angry. I was made a fool last weekend. This replacement maid whom I’ve sent back to the agent is probably kicking her heels off in her hometown now, sipping a nice cup of tea, laughing at me, the sucker she suckered in Singapore.

Why couldn’t I tell she had no intention to work? Why couldn’t I read her better? Why did I even trust the recommendation of the agent? I knew I couldn’t trust her right from day one – she had those shifty eyes that made me very wary – but I just couldn’t put a finger to how I really felt about this new person in the house. The signs were everywhere – unwillingness to follow instructions, never smiling at my children, trying too hard to please only when I was around – I was the fool to believe the best; that she was trying to adapt to working in a new environment and needed time to adjust. To be fair, it would be overwhelming for anyone to help out in a house with three adrenaline-charged kids.

So when I told her I was sending her back to the agent on Saturday, she broke down and cried. I asked her if she wanted to go home instead and she said yes. I could do two things: buy her an air ticket and send her home (but this means she had to stay for a few days more till I get all the documents processed and the air ticket settled) or send her back to the agent and get them to buy her an air ticket on my behalf. I chose the latter, because it was infuriating to have her around every minute. So I assured her I would tell the agent to buy her a ticket home. And for the first time, in six days, she smiled genuinely. And laughed. She even told my helper with such glee that she could finally go home.

So we went back to the agent and I paid her a month’s salary even though she “worked” only five days, and she’s off on a jet plane back home as of now, with this money. I’m thinking: did she maliciously stage this? Showing us such horribly lazy attitude just so she can worm her way out of here with a one-way air ticket fully paid for by the sucker that is me? I mean, these girls know that the moment they’ve found employment, no matter what, they would have to be paid 30 days’ worth of work even if the employers decide to return them to the agent, isn’t it? I knew I couldn’t trust those shifty eyes. And to think that I could have been used that way! It sure feels terrible to be suckered like that.

I have so many takeaways from this lesson: number one, the agent and domestic worker always stand to gain more than the employer, so from now on, I’m not gonna assume the best of everyone – this world is really the survival of the fittest and wittiest; and number two, the next domestic helper had better be able to look me in the eye for more than 20 seconds. Shift your eyes and I’ll stay clear of you. I’m not going to be your sucker anymore.

8 Comments
Close encounters with the maid kind

Maid Woes, Part 1

October 27, 2012

Having a good domestic helper in the house is like having three extra pairs of hands and legs that are intuitive, quick and nimble. My second maid from Myanmar is a godsend and has been, for the past one year. She started off not knowing English and what to do around children. She also vacuumed the soles of our shoes, washed two of my Tempur pillows (and subsequently made them totally unusable), and brought bedbugs into our house. But she’s got great attitude and such a tremendous sense of keenness and initiative.  She also takes pride in her work and has a spirit of excellence. She learned how to cook and take care of the baby from the confinement nanny after Nat was born. Because she cooks well, we look forward to going home for  home-cooked food everyday.

Unfortunately, she is also going home. If you’ve read this blog in April, you would remember that I brought her to see an ENT specialist for the pain in her ear. The problem didn’t go away; in fact it’s worsened and gotten so bad this girl is getting dizzy and woozy. I’ve brought her for reviews, sought a second opinion from another ENT specialist, and even taken her for TCM treatment. No one knows what’s wrong. The specialists couldn’t find anything when they investigated. So far, nothing’s worked – not even popping six Panadols a day – and she’s really desperate to get the pain in her ear fixed.

She’s reluctant to go though, having built such a good rapport with all my kids and loving them like they’re her little siblings. She doesn’t have to stay – she’s finished her loan and doesn’t need this job in the first place. Her family is extremely wealthy and prior to this job, she stays home to watch Korean drama all day. She speaks almost fluent Korean and knows the names of every Korean heartthrob by heart. She once pointed to one of the bungalows in Thomson while on a car journey and said her house back at home looked like that. Her family owns land, dogs and horses. She rides a motorcycle and gets manicures, pedicures and hair treatment on a weekly basis. She came to Singapore because she was bored with her life and has now grown to love this job as our helper.

Last week, her replacement came (and went). The new one was a constant source of our frustration with her utter lack of initiative. My helper, who’s the most patient one in the house, lost her patience with the replacement so many times. Whilst she stayed on to train the new helper, the new girl refused to learn and succeeded in annoying everyone at home. The straw that broke the camel’s back? She held open the fridge door for a good two minutes looking for sugar despite being told many times where sugar was kept. AND shoved a scalding hot mouthful of porridge into Becks’ mouth. We promptly sent her back to the agent and could finally heave that much awaited sigh of relief.

Now we’re in search of a new one. I’d wished my helper doesn’t have to go. With our plans to homeschool the kids next year, it’s so crucial that we get good help so I can focus my energies on teaching the children.

Here we go again.

 

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Motherkao's recipes The Kao Kids

My children’s first year birthday cake

October 26, 2012

I baked this orange-zesty olive oil cake for my children’s first year birthday celebration at infantcare. I don’t really fancy buying creamy, chocolatey, buttery cakes to feed 12-18 month-old babies, so I bake this because this is something I would give to Ben, Becks and Nat at 12 months old. The recipe calls for little sugar, lots of orange zest and no butter at all.

Zesty Olive Oil Cake (Recipe makes 8 huge slices & about 16 small ones)

Ingredients:

2 eggs
160g caster sugar
zest of one huge navel orange
zest of half a lemon
125ml olive oil
185g self-raising flour (add 2tsp baking powder if using plain flour)
60ml milk
60ml orange juice(I juiced the navel orange I used for zest)
 

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 180 deg C. Grease a shallow 20cm round cake tin and line base with baking paper.

2. Whisk eggs and sugar in a large bowl using electric beaters until well-combined. Add orange and lemon zest, then stir in olive oil.

3. Stir in sifted flour alternately with orange juice and milk. Stir mixture gently for about 30s. Pour into cake tin.

4. Bake for 45 min. Leave to cool in rack for 5 min.

5. Dust with icing sugar. Serve and enjoy.

Becks’ first birthday cake

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The real supermom Thunderstorm days

Of losing weight and finding help

October 22, 2012

Last weekend, my baby boy signed me up for a weightloss programme called “detoxification by gastric flu”.

The programme involved an intensive period of throwing up and diarrhea-ing, and taking nothing at all the whole day, except for the occasional sips of water.

It all began when Baby Nat first started having loose green stools and throwing up on Thursday, and fatherkao starting to feel unwell on Friday. I was trying to keep the house in order that evening, which was a mean feat with one adult down, and by Friday night after tucking the kids in bed, I was deciding if I should camp near the toilet for the night or bury my head in the toilet bowl permanently. By Saturday morning, the helper started to feel woozy too and by late afternoon, Becks also started having the runs. With the adults all down, a fussy infant and two tods needing attention, both fatherkao and I dialed 1800-CALL-A-MOM.

Help arrived in the form of a pint-sized woman who made sure that the older kids were fed, bathed and entertained, and the baby was taken care of; and more importantly, that the sickly big ones in the house were undisturbed. She patiently constructed Lego with the kids, read them story after story, sat next to them while they coloured their boredom away. She brought them to the playground when the sun came out and brushed their teeth, cleaned them up and tucked them in when the sun set. She cooed the baby and carried him all day long so that his fussing was minimal and I wouldn’t need to keep getting up to nurse the baby. Fatherkao and I slept in the whole of Saturday, and I felt as if I repaid a three-year sleep debt since Ben was born. I have not stayed in bed for so long ever since I brought my first baby home from the hospital.

On Sunday, I woke up to a house in order. My fridge was stocked with food and groceries, my children’s nails were cut, and my daughter’s hair was trimmed. The helper was also given instructions to prepare a nutritious meal of soup with fresh pomfret for lunch.

Will the real supermom please stand up?

 

 

More details:

This weightloss programme has helped me shed three kilos effectively. To sign up, simply head on down to any children’s clinic while the gastric flu season is on.

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