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My definition of a good time in bed (no, not a post on sexy time)

June 15, 2013

Recently, my husband did the sweetest thing ever. I was touched beyond words, and happy, happy, happy.

He took the kids out to the supermarket – all three of them – on his own, by himself.

This meant the helper finally had an hour to clean the house and I finally had one hour to myself. Without the kids.

While he drove with a crying baby in the car and walked aimlessly down the aisles of the supermarket with three kids in tow – cos’ you can’t really buy anything when three kids fill your trolley, yes? – I spent a total of 30 seconds worrying about how things were going, another 53 seconds trying to rid that “Mama..Mama…Mama…” ringing in my ears, a few minutes getting used to the sudden silence in the house, and the remaining time sprawling on the bed, doing absolutely n.o.t.h.i.n.g.

Oooh, what bliss. Reminds of good ol’, pre-kids days like these:

Except that I didn’t check my phone or take a bubble bath. I just lay in bed, spaced and drifted in and out of sleep. I had needed that me-time desperately because this on-call 24/7 mothering duty has been consuming my entire being like wildfire and making me hot and fiery in all the wrong ways.

I spent that precious me-time hearing nothing, doing nothing, thinking nothing. Lying still and being in this state of nothingness, paradoxically, filled me. I actually felt like a battery that’s fully charged again, and all ready again to face the challenges of everyday mothering, without going snappety snap.

Not difficult to make a tired mother happy, I say. Just check me in a hotel (hurhurhur), but if that’s not possible, give me a bed and just 60 minutes.

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Going Out! Invites & Tryouts The Kao Kids

Meeting Barney & Friends

June 11, 2013

Regular readers of this blog will know that my kids don’t watch regular tv programming.

So whenever we’re invited to Meet and Greet sessions and live shows at malls, my kids usually go, “Huh? Who?” We usually still accept the invites because we love the electrifying atmosphere at live shows, and it always turns out to be a fun day out for all of us. But we usually don’t go as fans.

There was once we were at T3 and it happened that the Strawberry Shortcake folks were staging their live show. Ben and Becks saw the performers on stage and went, “Who are these girls with funny hats?” I think those children around stared at them for the longest time with utter disbelief.

So when I received an invitation by City Square Mall to catch Barney and his friends live, and to do a Meet and Greet after the show, I asked the kids, “Hey, wanna go meet Barney?”, and they were all “Yay, yay, yes! Meet Barney!”

You see, everybody knows the purple dinosaur. Even these kids who’s not watched a single episode of Barney at home. He’s everywhere. On their friends’ shoes, bags, water bottles, stationery, and clothes. Sometimes, the teachers in kindy play them Barney videos (and other programmes like Mother Goose, Veggie Tales and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse) at the assembly room while waiting for all the other children to arrive before starting praise and worship, and daily prayers. So thanks to their friends who are fans and their teachers, my children who don’t watch kids’ channels at home now know who Barney is and actually can’t wait to meet him.

Last Friday, we were at City Square Mall to catch the Barney Live Show. When we arrived at 3.45pm for the 4pm show, this was what we saw:

So many Barney fans!

I didn’t know the SOP for catching live shows was to queue up 1 to 2 hours before the starting time so you can chope a seat in the front. We were thankful we were specially ushered to a cordoned off corner where we needn’t jostle with every ~~crazy~~ Barney fan present, and were told we would be the very first family to go give Barney and his friends hi-fives. Which explains why most of my shots were taken from this angle.

Watching Barney & Friends Live

When the purple and green tyrannosaurus (yes, he is a T-Rex! A friendly, monotoothed one!) appeared, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The cheers and squeals were similar to those fan girls screaming at a K-pop concert. The little Barney fans were ecstatic! They sang with Barney, Baby Bop and BJ, belting out familiar tunes together with Barney as he sang and danced his crowd favourites.

It’s Barney, everybody’s favourite purple dinosaur!

And what were my kids doing? Watching the live show, of course. They were stunned, in fact! Some girls a few feet away were singing at the top of their voices, the kids in front were jiving and grooving, and everyone around seemed to know every single Barney song and dance. Ben and Becks didn’t, but it didn’t matter. They were soaking up the atmosphere, nonetheless.

Watching the show

Occasionally, they would turn around to ask me if there was a person hiding inside those costumes. These are my kids for you – they were more concerned if the Barney they would stand next to later was a real dinosaur or a fake one.

Despite knowing full well that there were people inside those costumes, they were still kinda freaked out when we had a photo taken with Barney, Baby Bop and BJ. Which explains the looks on their faces.

Looking a little worried here: are they real, or not, Ma?

When we walked around the mall later that evening after the show, Ben and Becks asked if they could watch the live show a second time, when they saw people starting to fill out the space at the atrium for the 7pm show. That to me was a clear sign that they enjoyed the show, and wanted to experience it again.

I told them I had a better idea.

We headed home and I got their father to download Barney vids to the computer which was then synced to the tv. The kids finally watched Barney & Friends on tv at home, learned those familiar tunes (If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops is my personal favourite now, hurhurhur) and are now officially fans!

Barney’s on TV at home!

How do I know? Becks is loving the Barney water bottle from her goodie bag from City Square Mall, and taking more water than she’s ever done after Barney came along, and Ben’s asking for more Barney on tv now!

Thank you, City Square Mall, for inviting us to be part of yet another exciting live show!

More details:

City Square Mall is Singapore’s first eco-mall, and is located at the junction of Serangoon Road and Kitchener Road. This Great Singapore Sale, redeem an exclusive pass for the Meet & Greet session with Barney & Friends with a minimum spending of $50, and sing and dance along with Barney, Baby Bop and BJ at the Level 1 Atrium at 4pm & 7pm (Tue-Fri); 1pm, 4pm & 7pm (Sat & Sun) from 7 to 16 June.

Disclosure: The Kao kids and I were given media passes to the Meet and Greet session with Barney & Friends. All opinions here are Motherkao’s own.

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Becks Kao Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up

Before you turn three

June 10, 2013

Dearest Becky,

I need to tell you a couple of things before you turn three.

You’re Mama and Dada’s beautiful princess. I know we don’t tell you enough that you’re beautiful.

But you are. Every day. Even in your tantrums. Even in your tears. Even if you refuse to wear a dress for the longest time now, and pretend that you’re a boy. You’re beautiful, my love. At one year, at two, and before you turn three.

You’re precious to us, so very precious. I know we don’t tell you enough how precious you are to us.

But you really are. We cannot imagine our lives without you. You’re not sandwiched between two brothers. You’re not the middle child. You’re you, and you’re the only little girl we’ll ever have in our lives. You’re precious, my dear. From the day you were conceived, till right now before you turn three, and always.

It hasn’t been that easy, this Terrible Two thing, and we’ve learned so much about you this year. We’ve watched you blossom into a confident little girl who speaks her mind, laughs a lot and plays with much abandonment. You’re without a care in the world, yet you can be so focused when you set your mind on something. I pray you will always set your mind on loving, laughing and living strong, like what you are doing now, before you turn three.

Before you turn three, can I just say that I love you so much, and I will miss the little you that was two – all giggly, random and funny? I don’t know what three would bring, and there’s still a month more before it comes. But I know we’re going to grow deeper in love with you.

With all the love in my heart and more,

Mama

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Fatherkao loves... Invites & Tryouts Product Reviews The Kao Kids What to Expect... As a Mother

Be a breastfeeding dad [A post for fathers]

June 7, 2013

Postpartum. Day 1 to 30.

The hormones are raging and she’s on the verge of slipping into those scarily depressing postnatal blues. A fragile little thing is rooting all the time and suckling at her breast round the clock.

She gets no rest.

Overactive let-down. Engorgement. Blocked ducts. Mastitis. These are the “good” problems if she has more than enough milk.

Poor latch. Nipple pain. Cranky, whiny baby. The problems when she doesn’t have enough.

The first 30 days postpartum, she’s likely to be thinking: How can I ever do this, this thing called breastfeeding?

Enter the valiant knight in shining armour. She calls him the husband. How he supports her during this trying period will be the key to her breastfeeding success.

~~~

Dads, you can be a support to a nursing mother (must be your wife, yes?!) in very practical ways. You can show her you are with her in this, besides saying, “I love you, honey, you can do it” so that she finds the strength to persevere in the days of breastfeeding madness.

Here’s how.

Be a breastfeeding dad in FOUR simple ways:

1. Help with the little things

Sitting close to her while she’s nursing, putting your arms around her just so she knows she can count on you for support, giving her neck and shoulders a good rub, bringing her a glass of water or propping her tired legs up on a footstool are just some of the little acts of love you can do to show that you’re emotionally and mentally with her in this. You can also take over with a bottle feed once or twice a day, so she gets a break, and you get to bond with the baby. And do you know, by being around to massage the baby while she is nursing, you can stimulate the baby’s physical and mental development too?

So dads, jump in when you can. Pays great dividends in the long run.

2. Shoo fly, don’t bother me

Your wife doesn’t need an audience to tell her whether she can or cannot breastfeed. Sometimes, the older folks would come by with their well-meaning advice. And sometimes, you have to play the villain by telling the confinement lady and the aunty-mom folks to shut their nagging up. Most importantly, as a couple, whether you choose to breastfeed or bottlefeed, be at peace with your decision and shut your ears out to the world who may have a hundred and one things to say to you.

I’m very appreciative of the fact that my husband put his foot down and told everyone who had a comment to make (especially my first confinement lady, gawd’ she’s a nagger alright!) during my first few weeks of struggling that he’d appreciate it if they let us handle the challenge by ourselves (nicely, of course). Well meaning or not, it’s our baby, and we certainly don’t need the extra stress from anyone else.

3. Invest in a good breastpump

If you see her having trouble nursing during those first few weeks after giving birth, it pays to get a good electric breastpump for her. Especially if baby isn’t able to nurse enough for her to build up her milk supply. Selecting a good one will help keep her milk flowing and prevent plugged ducts or an infection.

I recommend getting one that is fully automatic, has adjustable suction levels to prevent nipple discomfort and is designed to mimic a baby’s sucking patterns, like the Philips AVENT single (or double) electric Comfort breastpump, which allows her to sit more comfortably with no need to lean forward, gently stimulates natural let down and milk flow, and lets her choose from 3 pumping settings to be at her most comfortable.

The single electric Comfort breastpump

4. Send encouragement her way

Yes, I did say that little kind acts are better than “I love you, hun, you can do it” but it’s nice to hear some positive words from you once in a while. So please, please, go tell your wife, the mother of your child, that she’s still babe in your eyes and oh-so-sexy, cos’ well, it sure feels like crap to be nothing but a 24/7 milk machine and still looking five months preggers.

Most importantly, if you were to show the slightest sign of giving up too, you could be negatively affecting your exhausted postpartum wife to do her best for your baby. Sorry dude, in this mega project called ‘Breastfeeding Baby’, you’d have to be the stable one to encourage her to continue with the gig until everything is established.

I was very blessed to have a breastfeeding dad in the house who would be involved in every possible way so that I always have someone to count on for support, and not feel that I was in this all by myself.

Fatherkao, the breastfeeding dad, with Ben, Becks and Nat (clockwise)

He’s bought me breast shields (first in M size, then L, then XL – imagine his embarrassment when he kept returning to the store), read up and bought me my first breastpump (preloved, from a forum – imagine his embarrassment collecting it), asked female colleagues (who are mothers) how to help boost my milk supply (the Chinese will tell you soup, soup and more soup), made countless trips to the pharmacy to get fenugreek, nipple cream and lanolin ointment, and the market to get green papayas for soup every week during the confinement period.

This breastfeeding dad in our house also bought me a whole array of breastfeeding accessories ranging from the nursing pillow to the nursing poncho and all the different brands of breastpads, in addition to doing the four things mentioned above, three times in a row. Because of him, our three kids have had Mama’s elixir of milky goodness for almost 30 months put together.

Most fathers feel that breastfeeding is between mother and child. It doesn’t have to be so. It can involve you. Yes, dad, you. Together, as a family, you can conquer this and make postpartum days a lot easier to bear. And you don’t even need to wear fake boobs.

This story was brought to you by Philips AVENT. Philips AVENT is committed to helping parents give their babies the best start in life, with breastfeeding accessories that help along the way. Every Philips AVENT product is designed with mom and child in mind, and is intuitive, reponsive and easy to use. Their premium quality products support a mother’s choice to breastfeed, bottle feed or do both, by giving her the assurance that they are flexible and designed to support her and her baby.

To look out for more to come from Philips AVENT: www.philips.com.sg/avent

Disclosure: I reviewed the single electric Comfort breastpump and Natural range feeding bottles in earlier posts. This post is part of a series of sponsored conversations by Philips AVENT.

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Becks Kao Ben Kao Everyday fun! Milestones and growing up Nat Kao The Kao Kids

Just like that, the three of ’em

June 5, 2013

And just like that, the three of them are playing together and doing everything together.

Playing with shoes: all ready for a fashion parade

They shower together. They eat together. They watch tv (when I allow it) together.

Bath time is fun time: guess who can’t wait to jump right into the shower?

Watching tv together: they sit in a row, and enjoy the show!

They have conversations with one another, yes, all three of them. The youngest can reply by nodding and shaking, and knows exactly what the older ones are talking about.

Most of the time, it’s monkey see monkey do. If Ben and Beck troop around the house, Nat follows. If they bounce a ball, he follows. Whatever they scale, he scales. Whatever they climb, he follows suit behind.

Monkey see, monkey do. Small monkey can copy anything!

Anything small monkey see, small monkey do – with JieJie!

And just like that, the three of them are growing up so quickly. Quicker than my tired feet can run after.

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Food, glorious food! Motherkao loves... Motherkao's recipes Product Reviews

Very addictive pork rolls called the Ngoh Hiang

June 2, 2013

I finally made ngoh hiang, and am now proud to call myself a real Hokkien mama! For the uninitiated, ngoh hiang is a delicious fried pork roll dish that is unique to the Hokkien and Teochew dialect, and is essentially a composition of fatty minced pork and prawn, seasoned with five-spice powder (after which the dish is named) rolled in beancurd skin. The dish is usually served with ketchup manis (or sweet sauce) and chilli, and eaten together with other items like the century egg, deep fried beancurd, ginger, cucumber and fried prawn fritters.

Every Hokkien and Teochew mother I know knows how to make this. My grandmother did. My mother and aunts still do. With pride. They’ve all diced and minced and rolled many, many, ngoh hiangs in their lifetime. And it is of utmost urgency I know how to. How else can I join the league of these mothers who churn out such unforgettable, flavourful pork rolls?

As a child (and even now), I could sit at the table all day eating these juicy, chunky meat rolls on end, never finding the will power to stop. It is my desire that this is a dish my children would remember me by, and would remember eating it with so much fondness.

Ngoh Hiang (Recipe makes about 12 six-inch rolls.) I dumped most of the work to my new Philips Jamie Oliver Food Processor – the chestnuts and onion were chopped in seconds. Review coming up soon!

Ingredients:

About 500g minced pork (or get a slab of the shoulder for its higher fat content and make your food processor do the work!)
250g of fresh shrimp, shelled and minced
1 large egg
2 tbsp light soya sauce
1 tsp salt
1 tsp ground white pepper
1 tsp five-spice powder (I got mine from Hock Hua for 80 cents!)
12 water chestnuts, washed, peeled and ground
1 yellow onion, minced
3 tbsp plain flour
Dried beancurd skin, cut into 6×6 inch rectangles)
Corn oil / canola oil / sunflower oil
Sweet sauce (and chilli) for dipping
You can also add finely chopped spring onions or leeks if you prefer

Instructions:

1) Mix the pork and shrimp in a large bowl and add the beaten egg. Stir to mix. In a small bowl, stir together the soya sauce, salt, white pepper, five-spice powder, then add it to the pork and shrimp mix.

2) Stir in the finely chopped water chestnuts, onion (and leeks/ spring onion) and mix to distribute the ingredients evenly.

3) Sift in the flour and mix thoroughly.

4) Lay out the prepared skins on the tabletop with damp palms. Arrange a heaping tablespoon of the pork mix along the longer edge of the skin. Shape the meat as you would a slim sausage.

5) Tuck in the side edges, then roll the skin starting with the edge closest to you. I followed the step-by-step tutorial from Little Teochew. Roll till the meat is fully wrapped, and place it seam down on a plate.

TIP: To reduce the saltiness of the skin, you can try wiping the skin very carefully with a damp clean cloth. Or try asking the Chinese grocery store for a brand of beancurd skin which is not so salty. The folks there oughtta know. (Credits: Motherkao’s Supermom)

6) Steam the rolls for 10 minutes, until the skins are translucent and the rolls are firm. Cool rolls on wire racks.

7) To fry them, cover the surface of a non-stick pan with just enough oil and pan-fry away. Handle about 3 – 5 at a time, depending on the size of your pan. Remember not to overcrowd your pan. Fry on medium heat until you see skins turn dark, crisp brown.

TIP: You can wipe down the pan with paper towels after each batch before cooking the next to prevent your rolls from getting burnt. I didn’t bother. Was in a hurry to eat!

8) Leave the rolls to cool on paper towels. Slice them into 1-inch chunks and nomnomnom away with the dipping sauce. Enjoy!

Also linking up with:

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Becks Kao Ben Kao The darndest kid quotes and antics

My new mum and dad

May 31, 2013

Did I mention that recently, two kind souls adopted me as their child? They are both 4 and (almost) 3 respectively, and they are parenting me in a whole new way.

~~~

One morning during breakfast, Ben and Becks announced they were no longer, well, Ben and Becks. They are now Mummy and Daddy, and I had to address them as such.

Becks: (to me) We’re Mummy and Daddy, ok, Mama?

Me: Um, I guess. Ok.

Becks: Na, eat your breakfast ah. Finish everything.

Me: Waa, Becks, you’re so rude huh! What happened to ‘Good morning, Mama, here’s your breakfast’?

Becks: I’m Mummy now. I’m not Becks! Daddy and me will go to work now!

Ben: (to Becks) Ya! Let’s go now, dear!

~~~

On the bus one morning, on our way to school, I suggested that we all find our seats quickly and drink some water. The heat’s been so crazy in the mornings. I think Ben and Becks took their water bottles out and took a sip after they settled; I didn’t check or ask. Some minutes later, I whipped out my bottle and started gulping away.

Ben: (to me) Do you know you’re NOT allowed to eat or drink in the bus?

Me: Mmm. Uh. Ok.

Ben: You continue doing that and the bus driver will scold you.

Me: I think water’s ok. Didn’t you drink too?

Ben: Ya, I did but that’s because YOU asked me to and I was obeying you. But I think you should OBEY the sign, you know.

Me: *speechless*

By the way, the last I checked, I didn’t see the ‘No Eating or Drinking’ sign on the bus. I think he must have confused it with the MRT. Just saying.

~~~

Just yesterday, I fell down the stairs. I missed a step and tumbled, and twisted my left ankle. If you really must know, I was checking my phone.

Becks: What happened, huh, tell me. Why you put bandage?

Me: It’s an ankle guard. I fell and my ankle’s swollen.

Becks: Ok, next time please be careful and don’t hurt yourself lah!

Me: Um, ok.

Becks: Remember: BE CAREFUL!

Yes, Mummy Becks. I will remember your words of wisdom. Thank you so much. What happened to good ol’ sayang sayang, love?

~~~

Can I have my children back, please?

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Milestones and growing up Nat Kao The darndest kid quotes and antics

Call me, I’ll be waiting

May 30, 2013

One of the greatest thrills in motherhood is to hear your babbling baby finally associate the word “Ma” to your face, and to hear him call out, “Mama”.

Unfortunately, I haven’t had the chance to experience this thrill the third time yet. At 15 months, Nat has called out to the birds at the park, the cars on the road, and even those Moove Media cows in the fields.

He’s called his father…

He’s said “Ah Ma“…

He’s called Gong Gong…

We’ve even heard him say Che Che twice with Becks…

He’s called Ben “Kor Kor” (one of the first few words he’s said) and says it like a hundred times a day. They are best buds now, and hang out together ever so often.

But when I ask him to say, “Mama”, he either gives me the silent treatment or goes korkorkorkor on me. -_-

I hope Mama’s still your favourite person, Nat! Call me soon, ok?

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Going Out!

Jammin’ the arty way at Museo

May 28, 2013

Over the Vesak Day weekend, the kids and I were invited to Museo, a new boutique restaurant at Sentosa Cove’s Quayside Isle. The swanky fine dining restuarant, with its seamlessly integrated bar concept and painting studio, is by the same people behind Arteastiq Boutique Tea House at Mandarin Gallery, known for their luxury high tea and social painting.

We were invited for an art jamming session in the afternoon, as well as to have tea on the house. Problem is, the only jamming I know involves either music or traffic. What exactly is art jamming?

The concept of art jamming is pretty new in Singapore. Art jamming – which is about being in a relaxing and conducive studio environment and taking time out from the busyness life to a place of creativity and self-expression through art making – is beginning to be quite a hit here.

And here at Museo, it’s impossible NOT to relax. The stunning view from the restaurant overlooking the tranquil quayside and marina area provided the perfect backdrop to chill, with a capital C. And CHILL, we did.

Add to that, a comfy, luxurious daybed to sprawl and people-watch, funky acid jazz playing in the background, and their extensive selection of Specialty Tea Sets, I almost forgot we were there to paint!

Before the kids and I art-jammed, we decided to try their Mezzanine Set ($39) that comes highly recommended by all the people I know who’s been there. Museo does a twist on conventional fine dining by serving food in a cup, and the Mezzanine Set allows you to customise 4 out of 12 entrées to your liking.

It was hard to make a decision because all the food sounded so delicious just by reading their names on the menu. I loved it that all the items on the menu were named after famous artwork by great artists. In the end, I ordered The Great Wave (tuna tataki), Picasso’s Blues (deep fried prawns flavoured with lavender), Smile of Mona Lisa (deep fried camembert cheese served with cranberry sauce), and Joys of Life (smoked roast pork belly served with hot sauce), and a French Rose tea set. Fatherkao went with a smoked salmon salad and a cup of cappuccino for himself.

My favourite has got to be the deep fried prawns with the most delicious and fragrant lavender flavoured dip. Ben loved it too and devoured almost all the prawns, leaving me and fatherkao to try only one each.

Being a meat lover, Becks, my little girl, loved the crackling roast pork belly best. She didn’t have it with the hot sauce; she loved the cranberry dip so much that she licked it clean with every bite of the pork. The deep fried cheese was great but it was a pity I had to eat it without the cranberry dip, thanks to her.

The tuna tataki was freshness in a glass, dressed just right, but quite forgettable, really. The smoked salmon came wrapped in asparagus and was dressed lightly with a generous serving of microgreens. The honey mustard dressing was sweet and I must say, pretty refreshing.

When it was time to get down to art jamming, we were given two canvases, a set of paintbrushes and an iPad to choose any picture we would like to paint. The folks at Museo will print the picture for you in a jiffy, and you can head on to the social painting space and spend as long as you like there and let your creativity explode on canvas.

We started with one canvas first and my grand plan was to paint a picture of the sunset with the kids. Hurhurhur. I haven’t the slightest artistic vein in me, so I wasn’t sure if I would end up drawing an egg yolk instead. My plan was to draw it out and palette the paint first, then have the kids take turn to hold the brush with my guidance. Very ambitious, I know.

Halfway through my sketching, the kids got restless waiting for so long (I am not Picasso huh, deal with it, kids!) and started to monkey around as usual. When we finally started painting, they were upset that they had to wait for their turn and started their usual “hey-when-is-it-my-turn-why-am-I-waiting” bickering with me and each other. When they sat on my lap, they started to ruin the canvas by adding colours not meant for the picture and basically going abstract on me.

Now, I can get pretty task-oriented. Upon seeing my masterpiece go down the drain, getting upset was quite an understatement.

So I decided to let them to go free expression on the second canvas, and that kept them laughing and happy for a long while.

Until they couldn’t agree on what colour to paint their canvas. Becks had decided to paint it almost black, and Ben obviously got quite distraught that his portion got swallowed up in darkness.

That was when I decided, heck my masterpiece. I gave my canvas up to Ben who finally stopped sulking, and watched the two of them go impressionist, then surreal, then abstract, all in one sitting.

I’m glad that towards the end, they had some fun finally. They got very, very dirty, and very, very messy but it didn’t matter. They painted their masterpieces without their mother breathing down their necks. And I was honestly quite happy I didn’t have to wait for the canvases, probably layered thirty times over, to dry, or to bring them back (you have to pay an additional $20 if you want to per canvas).

Now that was our art jamming experience.

Methinks art jamming is excellent for parent-child bonding but probably more suitable for older children who are able to follow instructions, appreciate art, and WANT TO paint something decent on the canvas.

More details:

Museo is located at Quayside Isle (Next to W Hotel), 31 Ocean Way, #01-22, Sentosa Cove, Singapore 098375.
You can get a free canvas for art jamming if you spend a minimum of $20 in your dining bill. Connect with them on their Facebook page for updates and specials.

Disclosure: We were invited to an art jamming session at Museo. We were given a complimentary drink and a passport with F&B discounts. All opinions and text here are Motherkao’s own.

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(Self) Examination Parenting 101 Re: learning and child training

Vicious cycle, virtuous cycle

May 28, 2013

I have been running kind of low on fuel lately, largely because I’m sort of stuck in this rut of a vicious cycle:

I can’t pinpoint how this all started. Probably at Point Tired Mother. I’m still nursing the youngest at 15 months at least twice a night, picking up the bolster for her royal highness in the middle of the night whenever it rolls off the bed (lest her fits become full blown bratty tantrums), and being awakened ever so often by long conversations Ben has with himself in his sleep. These days, his dreams are also in Chinese, which is totally amusing to listen to.

Actually, I’m also sleep-deprived because I have been catching up on drama serials and reading blogs, e-magazines and articles on my fb news feed because I feel like such a total loser being out of touch with this world after stopping work for three months. After a whole day of talking to kids and doing kids’ stuff, the urge to be back in the adult world couldn’t be greater and stronger.

And something awful happens every time I clock less than 6 hours of sleep. I start to grow alligator jaws.

Then I run the household the next day snapping at everyone that annoys me and going batshitcrazy, barking and hollering at the kids from breakfast to tuck-in.

Well, I did try going Orange Rhino on myself. There’s been good days. And then there were also MANY days I failed miserably.

So, as I feel utterly defeated in this mothering endeavour, I find myself having to deal with incessant mom guilt and wanting to escape. I start shutting myself off from the kids. It’s not rocket science to know what would follow: kids running on an empty (love) tank start seeking attention from Mama who’s not available emotionally, and sometimes even mentally and physically.

The poor kids start crying out for L.O.V.E. in their worst behaviour. Kids don’t put on their best when they are deprived.

There you have it. This is how I got stuck in this rut. Is this also a good time to say “FML”?

~~~

A few days ago, I had an epiphany. What if the starting point isn’t Tired Mother? What if the starting point had all along been the fact that I wasn’t convinced that everyday the kids need 100% of me?

What if I fixed that?

What if I quit looking at the phone and iPad, give them lots of eye contact and just be with them?

I’m thinking, perhaps, just perhaps, the bad behaviour, rowdiness, restlessness and attention-seeking antics would gradually diminish into non-existence, and that may just be my way out of this rut.

Into this virtuous cycle: