I’m taking stock of how my life has changed ever since I popped three kids. And since tis’ the season for some reflecting and thanksgiving (ho ho ho, the year is coming to an end!), I’d thought I make a list of the things I won’t otherwise be able to do if I ain’t have no kids.

Now for my bragging rights:

10. Picking up clothes, paper, toys (basically, anything light) with my toes

Yes, I’ve discovered that as I plod along the house with a baby in my arms, I can still keep pathways uncluttered and the house quite organised with the help of all ten toes.

9. Scrolling the iPad with my toes 

During those boring days of maternity when the baby was velcroed to me almost 24/7, I was glad to be able to read blogs, e-books and digital magazines with the iPad. Brings multi-tasking to a whole new level.

 

8. Sleeping in a confined 6-inch space at the edge of my queen-size bed without tossing or moving

The three kids have officially taken over the master bedroom. They all congregate on the bed every night and carve out their own little space. I’m usually left with the space of my body width. It’s amazing I can still fall asleep and not fall off.

 

7. Using the mucus shisha

I’m getting pretty good at using this contraption to suck out my children’s gooey stuff in a totally glamorous way.

6. Planning a blog post in my head while events unfold and typing my thoughts down at breakneck speed the moment I have access to a computer

I’m able to cramp a lot more things in my head now and take them out selectively when the time calls for recall. I wouldn’t say it’s a useful skill; I’m feeling pretty cluttered up there.

5. Swallowing food with three (or fewer) counts of chewing

To say I can swallow food whole would be too incredulous but it almost feels like that every time we eat out. Someone would need to pee or poop; the baby would be whining; mischief would usually begin after four mouthfuls of food (think falling cutlery, sliding on chairs and the chicken dance). It’s no wonder I get indigestion. And piles.

4. Giving Ben and Becks the look

Like every mother, I’ve finally mastered the look which says “you had better stop what you are doing before all hell breaks loose and your mother goes certifiably nuts”. Every mother has one. If you don’t believe me, ask yours. Or better still, do something crazy and she’ll show you.

3. Doing the emotional blackmail

Not sure if every mother does it but I have, and can do it quite well. It involves some pretend-crying and pouting to get things done my way. I know, I’m a mother with issues.

2. Styling my children’s hair with soap

My favourite hairstyle for Becks is the onion.

 

1. Making useless lists like this and putting this up on my blog.

Need I say more? Completely useless exercise.