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Re: learning and child training

Becks Kao Milestones and growing up Parenting 101 Re: learning and child training What to Expect... As a Mother

Mama’s not ready for toilet training even if you are

December 17, 2012

When you have one kid that constantly needs to be engaged, one kid that is always engrossed and one kid that’s perpetually putting things in the mouth ranging from dirt to plastic bottle caps (and more recently fir leaves from our Christmas tree), you can forget about toilet training.

It’s time to toilet train the middle child but it’s been nothing more than a daunting feat.

Picture this: the girl’s at the stage where she’s fully aware of her need to go, finds the diaper cumbersome and wishes to do her business swiftly and confidently, just like her kor kor. She takes off her diaper (or refuses to wear it) and goes about the house, doing her own things. Mom occasionally remembers she has diapers off so she asks her for the first ten minutes of her diaper-off time, “Do you need to pass urine?” and reminds her to go to the toilet if she needs to. Then Mom goes about the house, doing the things she needs to do to keep everyone out of mischief, such as reading to the eldest brother, role-playing with no-diaper-little-miss herself, and stopping the baby from chewing the house down, which includes running up and down the hallway, into rooms, toilets and kitchen 459 times. Very soon, half an hour passes and everyone forgets that little-miss is not wearing her diaper, including little-miss herself.

Little-miss has so far peed on the playmats, the coffee table, while sitting on the sofa and halfway through pretend play, craft lessons and just walking around the house. After every “accident”, we’d remind her to go to the toilet when she needs to pee and she’d say “ok!”. Have I ever mentioned I have a daughter who plays with a great deal of abandonment?

It was much easier with Ben, partly because he’s the first kid and partly due to the fact that he’s a boy. Boys have it easy. Especially with the trainer urinal. All I needed to do was to put the urinal at an accesible height in the toilet and the novelty of pee-ing soon caught on. That boy just couldn’t wait to pass urine and watch what comes out. When he needed to poo, he’d would yell for an adult to fix the child toilet seat, sit there, entertain himself while doing his business, and ask for reward stickers after he was done. It was such a breeze, and so much fun.

With Becks, we have to keep reminding her of her need to go and even physically drag her there because she tends to lose herself in play and can get so engrossed she wouldn’t move an inch. There have been successes, to her credit. Sometimes she’ll walk to the toilet and sit on her potty. But of late, she seems to realise it’s no fun squatting, so she imitates her brother. And instead of wiping her, I end up having to bathe her after every time she tries to pee like him because she’ll be wet waist down. I also end up saying “I’m busy as it is already so stop pretending you have a penis, please”.

The worst is when she wants to pee but doesn’t hurry to the toilet and is next to the baby. Have I also mentioned besides enjoying putting things in his mouth, the baby also enjoys splashing in puddles?

I’m insisting that Becks wear her pull-up pants for now. She might be ready, but I’m certainly not.

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Re: learning and child training

No show and Tele: a non-indulgent mother’s tale

December 14, 2012

Some people have commented that I’m way too extreme as a mother to regulate tv in the house and not allow my children to watch cartoons on regular tv programming. Some have even gone as far to accuse me of depriving them of a childhood. There’s a story behind such a decision. So here goes:

“Once upon a time, the kids got to watch Handy Manny, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, and some other random cartoons on Disney Junior at a specific time every day.

Then epiphany hit. Fatherkao and I realised that if we had cartoons available 24/7 on cable, we might inadvertenly use tv to babysit the children, that there would always be the “tv option”.

That was something we decided we will not do.

We also realised that whenever the tv was turned on, the kids were often found in a transfixed state and oblivious to their surroundings; and when the tv was turned off, they would immediately kick up a huge fuss. It was like an addiction, and they would get visibly upset with one of us (usually me) for switching it off. For most times, and I would say nine out ten, Ben threw temper tantrums so bad we ended up having to cane him for his bad behaviour.

So we made the decision to cancel the cartoon cable channels, return the set-top box in the living room, and declared a tv ban for a while (plus the tv-only-allowed-with mom-supervision rule) and never looked back.

That decision did wonders for our time together as a family. Fatherkao now schedules play time in place of tv time and the kids are often found shooting with their Nerf guns, playing tug-of-war, hiding-and-seeking and riding their horsey father. On my part, I read and read and read to the kids. In place of tv time, we also tumble and roll a lot on the bed and play peek-a-boo with the baby.

On rare occasions, I would allow snippets of animal documentary programmes. I’d watch it with them and talk about what we’ve watched. Our favourite last month was the series on Wild Artic on Nat Geo Wild. We learned about seals, polar bears and penguins. Becks has always loved penguins and seeing the different species in the Artic got her very thrilled; Ben showed me his sentimental side by crying twice when the eagle ate the baby penguin and the elephant seal chomped the baby’s momma. Watching cartoons never taught them empathy and helped them develop such love for animals. Watching animal documentaries gave me a wonderful opportunity to witness the  emotions that could be stirred up within them, and how they could express these emotions in such powerful, emphatic ways.

I’m not one of those who think that tv is evil. I just feel that we need to use it with more discretion. I cannot control the cartoon content and I do not know its storyline most of the time. Plus, tv programming is something not within our control and that sucks (don’t you just hate adverts?). Oh, and I also have one self-serving agenda: I want them to love reading, and to love holding books, just like I did when I was their age.

This is the story of why the tv is usually not turned on in our house and how we have found so many things to do together as a result.

And we lived happily ever after.

The End.”

Reading a book together

Reading a book together

Playing with the Lettersaurus

Playing with the Lettersaurus

Fishing for ducks

Fishing for ducks

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Invites & Tryouts Learning fun! Re: learning and child training

Prepping to homeschool #4: Let’s play sport!

November 19, 2012

I’ve always led a largely sedentary  lifestyle (read: lazier than Garfield’s). I don’t fancy being outdoors. I dislike being in the sun. I have little ball sense and two left feet. My pyschomotor skills are often found wanting and it is usually quite frustrating for me to play a team sport.

I have a different vision for my children.

In order to make sure my kids have a balanced and holistic homeschooling education when I stay home next year, it’s crucial that the sporting and physical training aspects be outsourced. In light of that, I’ve singled out two suitable candidates to handle assignments in that department: enter their more athletic father, and Ready Steady Go Kids.

Ready Steady Go Kids is a multi-sports programme for preschoolers which focuses on developing a child’s motor skills through sports. Under their programme designed for age-specific groups, Ready Steady Go trainers  introduce 10 sports and cover 5 sports per term, with each term being 12 weeks. The 10 sports – football, tennis, basketball, hockey, golf, AFL or also known as Aussie Rules Football, rugby, athletics, cricket and T-ball – will be taught in an inclusive and fun manner, while challenging a child’s gross and fine motor skills, as well as balancing skills.

Ben and Becks had the opportunity to try out hockey at Burghley Lifestyle Hub last weekend. I was given a choice of a free trial lesson between golf and hockey, and I thought perhaps hockey might be more accessible, since they haven’t been acquainted with sports of any kind at all as yet. They were initially very apprehensive; and understandably so, as the only form of physical education they know includes running crazily in circles and tumbling on the floor.

The lesson lasted 45 minutes. They were first introduced to the hockey stick and puck and the technique of holding the stick properly, which was followed by a series of stretching and warm-up exercises of leap frog, galloping and zooming around like aeroplanes. They then had the opportunity to hit the puck with the hockey stick, and subsequently progressed to learning to score a goal. The lesson ended with circuit training across hoops and hurdles to make scoring fun and challenging.

The lesson was carefully and specifically designed for ages 2.5 to 4. Ben clearly enjoyed it. Although it took him some time to warm up to the coaches, he eventually got over his nervousness, and by the end of the lesson was jumping around giving high fives and tens to everyone in the room. Becks gave up halfway; she couldn’t really maneuver the puck with the stick and preferred to jump around the room and in and out of hoops instead.

All in all, they had fun. Ben asked if he could play again. I’m thinking, sure thing, since Mama would probably never play hockey or other team sports with him. Wait a minute, maybe air hockey at the arcade.

More details:
  • Ready Steady Go Kids offer free trial lessons for children aged 2.5 to 6. Send an email to info@readysteadygokids.com.sg or check out their website here.
  • Here’s something special for readers of this blog: get a free Ready Steady Go Kids t-shirt (worth $24) with every sign-up after the free trial. The t-shirt is a compulsory item from next year, so this is a great bonus. Remember to quote “motherkao” when you sign up to enjoy this deal!
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Re: learning and child training

Prepping to homeschool #3

November 9, 2012

I have this grand plan to do lots of outdoor experiential learning when I stay home with the kids next year. I intend to bring them out to breathe lots of fresh air and get in touch with nature A LOT, and if we do serendipitously get caught in the rain, eat some mud and fall asleep on rolling hills, yea! – that will be perfect.

So item #5 on my to-do list is to schedule plenty of field trips for exploration and discovery. Here’s what I plan to do:

1) Explore nature with the kids (Ideas adapted from parentmap.com)

  • Seeing the world through a magnifying glass: Get the kids to look at everything in the park up close with a magnifying glass
  • Catching bugs: Make simple plastic boxes with removable lids for crawly critters, and try to catch some of our common city bugs like shiny black beetles, grubs and caterpillars.
  • Drawing what you see: Bring drawing paper and crayons and have the kids draw/colour whatever they see at the park; this will be followed by a conversation to have them share their favourite part of the park and why they’ve decided to draw what they drew.

2) Go to the wet market

  • Yes, shopping for fresh food will be a field trip in itself. Kids will get to learn the parts of the fish – gills, scales, gut, whatever – and get to touch their cold dead bodies. (Reminder to self: must bring sanitiser and wet wipes.) Kids will also learn to count by helping Mom take the required number of carrots, potatoes and onions, and how to manage simple accounting by holding the grocery purse.

3) Visit the zoo to learn about the animals, one animal at a time

  • Since we have the zoo membership, we’ll make good use of it next year by going there as often as we can. Children can take turns to choose an exhibit/enclosure and we will only head to the selected one for each trip. We’ll learn all we can about that particular animal. Follow-up activity includes going to the library for the rest of the week to read up about the animal (non-fiction) and find stories featuring the animal (fiction).

4) Take a bus / MRT / LRT  to any destination and people-watch

  • Perfect lesson to teach modes of transportation, occupations and parts of a vehicle / transportation system.

5) Build sandcastles on the beach

  • This is to make sure kids can walk on sand barefoot without going “eewww”. Kids can also learn to mould things with their imagination.

6) Play at the various kid-friendly parks, pay money to go longkang fishing (again and again) to train dexterity and go to the Animal Resort near our place before it relocates. Also visit the new Gallop Stable at Punggol when it opens.

  • Learn about small animals, horses and pets. Play and expend energy!

We’re Friends of the Zoo and the kids love to go there!

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Re: learning and child training

Prepping to homeschool #2

November 8, 2012

We all know there are countless benefits to early musical training. I recently read a very good article on the benefits of music education for children. I didn’t need any convincing, by the way; the article spelled out 12 reasons why a child should learn music at an early age. I was doing more of a mental checklist to see if I displayed any of those traits mentioned (spatial intelligence, reasoning ability, language proficiency, creativity, teamwork skills and discipline, just to name a few), since my parents also put me through some form of a music education when I was four. After reading that list, I didn’t feel that I was a good representation of someone having been put through classical piano training, because, seriously – spatial intelligence? creativity? logical reasoning ability – are you kiddin’ me? me? But that will be for another post another time.

Nevertheless, research has shown that a little music training, even if it’s for a few years, goes a long way in improving the adult brain when it comes to listening and processing complex sounds. According to a study, short-term music lessons may enhance lifelong listening and learning. Other studies also prove that listening and playing music benefits many areas of the brain at the same time. Music is able to activate the cerebellum, a brain area traditionally thought to coordinate only fine movement or motor behavior, in a very powerful way. Learning music has also been proven to help children mathematically and linguistically.

So we’re going to try to teach Ben and Becks some basics in understanding notation, scales, chords and keys since fatherkao can play the guitar and the organ, and I can still recall some things I learned from classical piano training. A good friend of ours recently picked up the ukelele and bought Ben one for his third birthday and now fatherkao is frantically learning how to play some simple tunes from Youtube to teach Ben. I recently chanced upon this website that provides free resources for teaching simple notation using worksheets and games. Let’s see if we can get a simple tune out on the keyboard and ukelele by Christmas next year.

The plan is to teach Ben the ukelele and get Becks to hold the case and send them busking away!

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Re: learning and child training

Prepping to homeschool #1

November 7, 2012

As Ben is fast approaching four and as I’m preparing myself to stay home, I can’t help but start making plans for the things I want to do with the kids, and what I want them to learn. I guess it’s a really good thing to have made the decision to stay home and homeschool them next year, because all of a sudden, I’m thinking, breathing and taking full responsibility and accountability for what will fill their waking hours and how they can develop and grow. I mean, if I’d continue down the full-time working path, I’d just leave them in the care of their teachers and hope that they’ll do a good job training them and developing their potential. Mentally, I’d probably not feel the urgency to fully take charge of their learning. I’d also probably not feel so panicky as I do now. I’m not panicking because I’m a kiasu mom; I just feel the heavy weight on my shoulders to start making good decisions and plan meticulously for these early childhood years, which I’ll have the privilege to spend with them.

So on my to-do list to ensure that we make good these three to four years together, I intend to:

1) Properly plan the homeschooling curriculum, teach good learning habits and impart godly values

2) Hunt for a good kindergarten programme which would support my homeschooling curriculum (I do not intend for it to be the other way round – it’s going to be homeschooling first and kindergarten learning as enrichment, particulary for Chinese)

3) Sign the kids up for sports education

4) Introduce music education and have them learn a musical instrument

5) Schedule field trips of discovery and exploration (which should include taking public transport, going to the zoo to study one animal at a time, playing barefooted at parks and making sandcastles at beaches)

With that, I’ve started my research and reading up so I can be more ready to stay home next year. I’m starting a series of learning more about each item on my to-do list this November. We’ll start with item #4 tomorrow. Join me as I discover the homeschooling momma in me.

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(Self) Examination Love language Parenting 101 Re: learning and child training The Kao Kids

Understanding the five love languages [Part 3] – When saying sorry isn’t enough

October 5, 2012

A complete and genuine apology isn’t just saying “I’m sorry“.

There are five basic languages of apology: Expressing Regret, Accepting Responsibility, Making Restitution, Genuinely Repenting, and Requesting Forgiveness. To restore a relationship and sustain it, you need to deliver an apology when it’s due, and needed, in a way the other person recognises — and accepts — as an apology.

Some people don’t want to hear how sorry you are when you blow it; or have you explain the regret you feel – they want to know if you are making plans to right that wrong. “To make an effort to love ten times more to make up for the wrong you did is better than saying you’re sorry ten times”, and so says my spouse whose apology language is Making Restitution. Others like me, would be contented if you’d just tell me you regret hurting me and promise to never do it again. To hear the other person express regret, is my apology language.

It’s really interesting to find out how we’d like to be apologised to. When the kids are older, I’ll have them sit through the Online Assessment for their Apology Language Profile. I’m gonna be making mistakes as their fussy, neurotic mother along the way, and it’s important that I learn this so we can grow in this beautiful parent-child relationship together.

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(Self) Examination Love language Parenting 101 Re: learning and child training The Kao Kids

Understanding the five love languages [Part 2]

October 3, 2012

According to Dr Gary Chapman, to be their best, children need to feel loved. But if you and your child speak different love languages, your affection might get lost in translation, affecting the child’s attitude, behavior, and development.

In order to make a more concerted effort to demonstrate affection that doesn’t get lost in translation, I got Ben to try the Love Languages Personal Profile Online Assessment for Children.

For a child to attempt the online test himself, he needs to be be able to read and understand the two sentences presented in each question and choose the one he prefers to have Mom and Dad say to him. Since Ben is only three-half, I sat him down and paraphrased the statements in a way he could understand. For example, instead of reading out loud “Let’s go to the movies”/ “I’m gonna race you”, I would say, “Ben, do you like Dada to say ‘I wanna play catching with you’ or do you like it when he says ‘Let’s watch Transformers together’? Which one makes you excited?” I contextualised every question for him so we can find out which of these speaks his primary love language: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

The darling patiently sat through 20 questions, and I was one happy mom. The verdict: his primary love language, as I have always known, actually, is Quality Time and Receiving Gifts. The two scores were almost similar.

I also intend to cull about ten questions from the online quiz and tailor it to even smaller bite-sized pieces for my two-year-old. I need to understand her and speak her love language. Wait, that’s an understatement. Make that I desperately need to demonstrate love towards her and yell her love language so she wouldn’t act up all the time to get my attention. I already had my heart broken last week when she wanted to leave home.

It’s not easy being mom. And wife. For the big and little ones that matter to you, you gotta figure out what makes them tick and what they will interpret as love, and that itself needs a lot of learning, unlearning and relearning. Plus you need to speak their love language and practise demonstrating affection that resonates on a daily basis. Hopefully, that will also be a whole lot more rewarding and meaningful. I’m just glad this online tool is available for me to revisit the five love languages and take a step forward to becoming a better mother and wife. You should try it to understand the people that matter in your life a little bit more!

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(Self) Examination Love language Parenting 101 Re: learning and child training The Kao Kids

Understanding the five love languages [Part 1]

October 2, 2012

Is it ever possible to “love your children EQUALLY?”, and by equal, I mean, the same in degree and value?

I don’t think that it’s ever humanly possible; it’s not as if my love for my kid exists as one whole to be divided into three equal parts — one-third for Ben, one-third for Nat and one-third for Becks. I think those people who claim to love their kids equal are just saying that for the sake of making their kids (and themselves) feel good, but realistically it’s just not possible if you have more than one.

For one, I think it’s perfectly fine to love one or the other more on some days. Like when a little one falls ill. Or scrapes his knees. Or gets bullied by a friend. It’s inevitable that you’ll love one or the other a little bit more when he or she needs it more. That’s how God loves us, isn’t it? When you need it, when you’re especially down, He gets close and loves you just a little bit more. The sun shines for you. The rainbow appears for you. The gentle breeze kisses your face when you need that refreshing touch.

Above all, I think as parents, what’s of utmost importance is not sweating the issue of whether our children feel that our love towards them and their siblings is equal in parts, but more importantly that we’re speaking their love language and that whatever we do is translated into them FEELING they have been, and are loved.

You can love someone very dearly; but if you don’t speak that someone’s love language, it’ll never be felt and that can leave a great sense of disconnect. So if my love language is physical touch, and you come to me and pour me a nice cup of tea after a hard day’s work, I’d probably think ‘yea, nice gesture, how thoughtful’ but won’t go all mushed up inside as compared to you coming over to give me a big bear hug.

In other words, it’s not our job as parents to strive to love our children equally (it’s futile and frustrating to try to do that anyway); it’s learning the primary way of how our kids express and interpret love, and doing and saying the right thing according to their language of love. That will eliminate any sense of unfairness they perceive and help parents find their bearings as they find their way around a child’s web of emotions. 

To know more about the five love languages — Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch — check out Dr Gary Chapman’s website (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/).

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