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Ben Kao

Ben Kao Milestones and growing up The darndest kid quotes and antics The Kao Kids

Nice Ugly Dog

May 18, 2012

Ben’s been staying home with me more days than he’s been to school this week. He’s been down with a bout of stomach flu. Feeling chirpier today, we decided to head downstairs for a stroll and get some lunch.

It was mid-day and the estate was relatively quiet. An elderly man was walking his dog (a Maltese, methinks). The dog was sniffing grass, minding its own business.

Then my son broke the silence.

“Mama, see! An UGLY dog!”

The elderly uncle gave me a look and I returned it with a contorted embarrassed smile. When we shuttled past, I told Ben it was not nice to call a dog ugly. Though truth be told, it was. It was shaven bald and its skin was so raw there were patches of pink and brown and all sorts of blotches –  the dog did look horribly ugly.

Me: It’s not nice to yell “ugly dog”, dear.

Ben: Why?

Me: The uncle might feel hurt that you called his dog ugly.

Ben: Why? The dog IS ugly what.

Me: Maybe he thinks its the most beautiful dog in the world and you just hurt his feelings. (This, I know, was complete bull.)

He stated his point of view and I did mine, and that was it. I was honestly tickled by my kid who says the darndest things. At the darndest moment. Oh well, it’s just a dog. I was glad he didn’t march up to someone and declare that he/ she was fat / ugly / gross.

When we returned from getting lunch, we walked past the dog and the man again. This time, Ben yelled:

“Mama, see! A NICE dog!”

Becks Kao Ben Kao Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up Nat Kao The Kao Kids

Somebody stop time, please

May 16, 2012

To my precious ones,

You are all growing up too quickly for Mama to handle.

Ben, wasn’t it a while ago you were asking questions furiously? Now you speak like a little man; I miss the cheeky, curious you.

Becks, didn’t you just start walking and talking? Now you rattle non-stop to anyone and everyone, and your two little penguins have become your imaginary friends. I thought I heard you ask them to hold hands and hug each other yesterday. I miss your babblings and high-pitched giggles.

Nat, wasn’t it like yesterday I held you in the delivery room? I just heard you chuckle this morning. You’ve grown from the small helpless baby to one enthusiastic trooper doing mini push-ups every waking moment. I will miss holding the little baby that was you.

Not so soon, darlings, not so soon. I still want to baby all three of you.

With all my love, and more,

Mama

Ben Kao Milestones and growing up The darndest kid quotes and antics The Kao Kids What to Expect... As a Mother

Of ‘Whys’ and ‘Buts’

May 3, 2012

When Ben turned two, he started asking why. His whys came fast and furious and it seemed like he wouldn’t really settle for any shoddy answers. We tried our best to encourage that inquisitiveness and not kill his curiosity. I sometimes lost my patience because I felt he asked for the sake of asking (most of the time). Still, I tried my darn best to answer his whys with a smile.

Me: Get ready to go to school!
Ben: Why?
Me: Because when you go to school, you’ll learn new stuff, play with friends and have lots of fun.
Ben: Why? I don’t want to go to school…
Me: I need to work…
Ben: Why?
Me: And there’s no one to take care of you.
Ben: Why do you need to work?

Version 1.0 

Me: Because I need to earn money, and with money, we can put food on the table, clothes on your body and toy cars in your pocket.

Ben: Why? I can have more toys now? You have money?

~~~

Fatherkao overheard this exchange once and said this shouldn’t be the values we impart, so the next time he asked (we have this conversation on a daily basis, even now that he is three), I answered with v1.1.

Me: Get ready to go to school!

Ben: Why?

Me: You go to school and learn new stuff, play with friends and have lots of fun.
Ben: Why? I don’t want to go to school.
Me: I need to work and there’s no one to take care of you.
Ben: Why do you need to work?

Enter Version 1.1

Me: Because work is meaningful and our lives would be more fulfilling, and this is how God made us, to find work that is meaningful and be satisfied. At work, we can be the best we can be and use our God-given gifts and talents and…

Ben: (putting on his uniform) Can I bring a toy to school?

~~~

So besides imparting the value of work, explaining why the moon comes out at night and the sun in the morning, why all children need naps, why he needs to eat his food, how sweets destroy his teeth, I’ve pretty much covered all categories of questions he’s ever asked. Lately, he’s stopped asking why (I’m quite glad I get a little breather now that he’s out of the why phase). He’s now using the conjunction, ‘but’, and it’s annoying the hell out of me.

Me: Get ready to go to school!
Ben: But I don’t want…
Me: You need to go to school and learn new stuff, play with friends and have lots of fun.
Ben: But school is not fun.
Me: You mean to say you don’t have fun in school? You said you enjoyed music class and playing with Ryan yesterday.
Ben: But I don’t like my friends. They are not nice.
Me: What do you mean they aren’t nice?
Ben: But they bully me.
Me: Did you tell your teachers?
Ben: Yes, I did. But yesterday you said I don’t need to go to school.
Me: I say that on Saturdays and Sundays.
Ben: But today is Saturday.
Me: No, it’s not. Now get ready for school.
Ben: But I don’t want… (the cycle repeats itself)
Me: (exasperated, and thinking if I should use the ‘I’m your mother, so just listen’ option) Here we go again…

~~~

I’m waiting for the other coordinating conjunctions to appear in our conversations, like so, yet, and nor. I can so imagine what this boy would say:

I’m very tired, Mama, so I am going back to bed…

I don’t want to go, yet I have to…

I don’t want to wake up, nor do I want to go to school…

Kids, they sure learn grammar fast!

Becks Kao Ben Kao Family life as we know it Invites & Tryouts Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids

Don’t worry Mama, we still love each other

April 26, 2012

My kids have started to fight. I don’t know when it started but I guess it’s inevitable because feisty-with-fearsome-temper Becks is growing up. But after all that snitching and snatching (we never really interfered till we see blood because, well, sibling rivalry, it’s part and parcel of life), they always kissed and made up and told each other they were sorry and still love each other.

Still, I’m missing this – what they used to do when they were a little younger:

Rowing a boat together

Rowing a boat together…

Kissing...

Kissing…

Rocking on a rocking horse

Rocking on a rocking horse…

Hugging each other ALL THE TIME!

Hugging each other ALL THE TIME!

 

Ben Kao Milestones and growing up Parenting 101 The Kao Kids

We’ve fought the good fight. Now it’s time to bring on the iPad.

April 24, 2012

The children are learning with iPad apps. We’ve finally succumbed to the evil-ness of Steve’s creation (I bet he must doing the laughter in his grave now). Yes, the iPad is a wonderful tool for work and leisure for busy adults, but for kids – no way. Kids should learn their ABCs from mum and dad and books and flashcards. They should learn how to count and trace and colour using pen and paper and stickers. Not with the iPad – that to me spells L.A.Z.Y for mama and papa.

Shame on you if you have to keep your kids entertained with the iPad while they are being fed or waiting for food to be served at restaurants. Shame on you if your kids have to hold on to their iPads to sit still in their car seats. Shame on you if you’ve allowed the apps to teach them A is for Apple and 3+3=6 and oranges are round and a triangle has three sides. Shame on you if you never bought a single box of colour pencils for your kids and took the pains to sharpen them one by one because your children’s idea of colouring is tapping the colour swatches on the ColourRama app to fill the pictures.

I believe in reading to my children, holding their hands to teach them penmanship (on paper, not on touch-screens), mixing water colours on the palette with a real paintbrush and singing songs out loud complete with actions and exaggerated expressions. I believe mealtime is family time and no TV (or iPad) should be allowed because we need to look into each other’s eyes – engage – and talk about our day – it was irrespective of age, we could all listen even if you were 21 months old (we shall talk about mealtime in another post). We must play real board games, touch actual chess pieces and roll a proper dice. We must learn how to speak our mother tongue from grandma and grandpa and mama and papa. We must teach our children the old-fashioned way.

So this prissy Mama shook her heads at parents who took out their pads to keep their children entertained and wagged her finger at mommies who bought apps to teach their children (cheaper than tuition, you know, a friend once told me). Fatherkao has always kept his iPad out of reach and the children never really knew it existed (they were busy entertaining themselves with real books, real card games, real flash cards, real colouring – intelligent and well-behaved, I know, aww, my wonderful kids) which was why we were shocked when one day, Ben walked over to fatherkao who was watching Top Chef Season Nine on his iPad and asked:

“What are you doing with your (*pause*) iPad?”

We gasped. Time stood still for three seconds before I locked eyes with him and asked him, “How did you know this is called (*pause*) iPad?”

He couldn’t give me an answer. I guess he just knew. Either by osmosis or he could connect two and two together and realised this device had a name (Ben is really an intelligent boy, by the way. He listens in to our conversations and can ask pretty smart questions). Or someone in daycare (gasp, someone brought an iPad to school!) must have told him so. So there it all began. He was always interested in the iPad and soon, we found ourselves downloading flashcards, counting games, shape sorters and alphabet tracing. Last night, he held the stylus for the first time and sat down (a good ten minutes in total) to trace the letter A, properly, stroke by stroke, on the iPad. Two days ago I have tried to hold his hand with a pen to get him to write the letter on paper but he could not even sit still for ten seconds.

But I have fought the good fight for three years and three months. I have bought and read books to my children and plastered the living room walls with their masterpieces done in pastel and crayons. I have bought them real stickers and got them to arrange the stickers in proper sticker books (which were very hard to find these days). I have blasted songs in mandarin and learned how to sing them before teaching them to my kids, complete with made-up actions and expressions. I have stayed away from technology (namely those beginning with the letter ‘i’) and kept them away from my children for as long as I could. Mama was cool but the iPad was way cool-er and there was no escaping the clutches of the ‘i’ Monster, who could transform your learning experience into one that was animated and funky and fun-ner than the ones you had with Mama.

I still believe in what I believe but Mama needs to check her competition out. So I am getting an iPad myself.

Becks Kao Ben Kao Milestones and growing up Nat Kao Parenting 101 The Kao Kids What to Expect... As a Mother

Contented Little Mother

April 24, 2012

When there was only one kid in the house, life was a breeze. A dear friend (bless her soul) came by a month after Ben’s birth with a book on how to turn my baby into a CLB (a Contented Little Baby). This woman (the author, not my friend) knew exactly how babies worked – she told mothers what time to feed, what time to put baby to bed, what time to have lunch, how much milk to express. If you followed her routines to the letter, you’d be guaranteed a CLB. We tried the routines on Ben religiously, and wala, what did we know, we had a CLB in our arms! Naptime, bedtime, feedtime, me-time – bring ’em on! Easy as pie! This was why we decided since we were the privileged few who knew the secret to having contented babies, let’s have one more.

So when I knew I was pregnant with Becks, I headed to Borders to buy The Contented Baby with Toddler book. I thought I had it all figured out. I would follow the routines to the letter and I would have two contented babies and a blissful life. Awesome.

Awesome. NOT. Becks was a baby who disliked routines and she very much wanted to do what she liked when she liked however she liked and you’re not stopping her because she is a strong-willed girl with a mind of her own and a fearsome temper. She’d shriek the house down if you woke her up at 7am if she wanted to sleep and she’d scream her lungs out if she wanted to guzzle more milk beyond the stipulated time for feeding. She sent the message loud and clear – I will be contented when you give me, my royal highness, what I want, so buzz off and just let me be the baby I want to be. ‘Nuff said.

So there were no more CLBs in the house because Ben’s routines were disrupted by the sister who called out to Mama at her whims. I turned to other baby-led routines and tried other ways to fit Becks in. There was no way to CLB, Ferberize or Baby-wise this girl. It was a tough year, because Ben and Becks were like chalk and cheese – one needed routines to follow, and in turn, feel secure; the other was a free-spirit. I don’t know what we did but we somehow survived by just keeping naptime, bedtime and mealtime consistent for the two of them. And it helped that they started to attend the same preschool and the routines are very much fixed at school, and so life just got better and better.

In a few months, Nat is going to spend more time waking than sleeping and start solids. I practically threw all routine-advice out of the window and did what I felt I should when I should, for Nat. Perhaps it’s experience, or perhaps, it’s instinct. Although because I didn’t follow some form of a routine, he is refusing the bottle now, I am swallowing my lunch and dinner (not much chewing involved) and can go constipated for days because everyday springs new surprises. You don’t know when baby would wake or sleep or want milk – you think you know but you actually don’t – yesterday is not the same as today and tomorrow will be a different day altogether. Some days you think, ah, it’s almost time for a feed so let me get ready, and baby sleeps an hour more and you’d be like, dang, I should have taken a bath and cooked some lunch; and some days you put baby down and you know for a fact that he has just spent the last hour feeding so it’s time to drift off to slumberland with a full tummy but no, he’s all gurgles and smiles and you badly need to brush your teeth, move your bowels, scrub and double-scrub your-smelly-leaking-milk-dirty-self and cut your dirt-and-poop-trapped-nails.

So this is what having three kids taught me, apart from learning to groom myself, eat my food and move my bowels in record time of 4:36 minutes (all together), that each kid is different and with each kid I am different, and have to be. It’s impossible to tell a first-time (neurotic) mum to go with the flow but with three kids, you can and may sometimes even feel guilty that you’re hecking it. I’ve come a long way since my CLB days and am doing what I do best like a fish in water – mothering – and being a CLM, Contented Little Mother.