Getting all sentimental now Archives

(Self) Examination Ben Kao Family life as we know it Getting all sentimental now Nat Kao

Being mama to my fabulous Feb boys

March 8, 2019

I always find it hard this time of the year not to go all crumbly and soft and shed tears of nostalgia and reminisce.

My boys are Feb boys and this time of the year each one of the boys adds one more candle to the cake and I’m always an emotional wreck.

I have penned many such entries every February as a mother because there’s just too much emotional flooding not to write and get it out.

Nat turned SEVEN on 20th and Ben turned TEN on 26th. I cannot believe that it is double digits now for my firstborn. Has it really been a decade already since I’ve mothered this child?

Both the boys are sassy and smart (and sometimes smart-mouthed) and they are growing up so fine, I find it hard to believe so many years have gone by. Nat is learning to navigate the forays of formal schooling, making new friends and discovering his interests.

Along the way we’ve found out he’s got a nasty temper when pushed and can really immerse in name-calling so much so you don’t want to piss him off and rub him the wrong way. He gets especially annoyed when his clean and neat and organised private spaces have been compromised by his siblings, or if I gave instructions to make everyone pack that included him because that to him is grossly unfair – he is the most organised child of the lot, so he thinks!

We’ve grown to learn that this boy does have fangs. Hurhurhur.

The other one, my beloved firstborn, is 10 this year and I would never have imagined him being almost as tall as me now and weighing so much that I can’t, for all the strength in me, lift him even a quarter inch off the floor. I know someday he will stand taller than me, which I need to prepare myself mentally for. This boy frustrates me to no end with his quirks (think farts and burps and the ‘floss’) but at the same time lets me in to his world with all that’s trending including fortnite dances, lame jokes, unfiltered language and everything he loves as a boy. I am just afraid I will not have him as a boy very soon and the thought of seeing him as a croaking, pimply teen is making me cry a little every morning when fb invites me to revisit my memories. I see all those cute little chubby Ben faces and I’m not joking, I really lay in bed to cry.

Boys, if you are reading this some day, know that mama has had a hard hard time adjusting to you guys growing up so fast and maybe that’s why sometimes she’s a little lunatic and emo on days you just don’t get her.

Those times you got frustrated not knowing why your mama was like that? Yea. Cos she also has got bad, bad separation anxiety she basically couldn’t function.

She too, has to grow, little by little, to accept that you boys will someday grow up to be fine young men and that she no longer can hold you both like the babies she used to squish.

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(Self) Examination Family life as we know it Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids

New challenges, new resolutions, new year!

January 20, 2017

Twentyseventeen.

It’s a new year – and we’ve made it here. I am grateful.

I’m grateful that this year, I have – in my brood – bigger, older, more sensible children. Children that I can reason with, confide in, talk to.

Children whom I’ve never imagine to be growing this tall and talking this much, and coming this far with me in this motherhood journey.

Children who love me as I am, whom I know can watch me grow old and still hold on to me.

Children whom I love, as they are; and whom I know that I can watch grow up and hold on dear to.

Tis‘ so true the saying; that in parenthood the days are long but the years are short, and I now have a 8-year-old, a 7-year-old and a 5-year-old this year. Instead of diapers to change and tiny hands to hold, I find myself having to do so different things.

Like sitting on the swing at night with my firstborn, talking about his hopes and dreams.

Like reading the little notes my little girl leaves on my desk, filled with hearts and words spelling out, “I love you, Mama.”

Like having my littlest call me over the phone, asking me, “How was your day, Mom?”

These littles have grown up, and this year, I resolve to do three things.

I resolve to disconnect to connect.

I resolve to eat right and live life a little more balanced, so I can be a healthier, mindful mom for them.

I resolve to work a little harder at making their dreams come true – if that would mean being more efficient, more effective and more excellent.

What have you resolved to do this year? How is this year looking like for you?

I hope twentyseventeen would be a great one!

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Becks Kao Getting all sentimental now Invites & Tryouts Milestones and growing up Motherkao loves...

The birthday party that was for My (not so) Little Pony – Celebrating Becks’ 6th

September 10, 2016

When I had to check myself into the hospital 6 years ago to deliver this 3.3kg baby, I was screaming my way all the way from the triage to the delivery suite. This girl, my gosh, is going to be a feisty one, I know. Gawd‘. The pain she was giving me kicking and shoving all my innards away and the contractions I was getting that made me scream ‘LEVEL 10!!!!!’ whenever someone asked me to rate my pain was just how I knew this girl was going to be one tough cookie.

Fast forward 6 years and look at this beautiful thing right before our eyes.

She’s given me my fair share of heartaches with her fits and tantrums and her night terrors in her toddler years but has more than made up for it by growing up so gorgeously.

So for the princess of the house, we have granted her royal highness her wish to have a party to celebrate turning 6 with her friends.

Becks decided that for her 6th birthday, she wants My Little Pony (MLP) for the party theme. I was not ready to vest too much money with getting a crazily elaborate one to add to the many things I had to do day-to-day, so I decided to focus on her having fun and resolved to keep the party simple and fuss-free.

So here’s how I did her simple MLP 6th Birthday Party with a few phone calls and emails after deciding on the theme:

1. Venue

Where else would it be but at Trehaus, where our beautiful sun-drenched Atelier lets in the most gorgeous natural lighting and its glass windows and high ceiling make it such a simple, uncluttered space to be with family and friends on a weekend. I booked the Studio + Atelier from 3-6pm on a Sunday a month in advance, and that’s basically how fuss-free securing the venue was.

Here’s the venue we chose for my little girl’s 6th. A shot here while everyone is prepping!

2. Decor

We had a simple one done up by Floral Garage SG who recently expanded to go beyond floral artistry to providing party decor services. I briefed the coordinator about the theme choice and colours, and she promptly turned up to put up pom poms, buntings, some tassels on the dessert table and letter balloons on the wall spelling ‘Becks’.

Simple, fuss-free decor by Floral Garage SG

Putting the rainbow tassels

They threw in a unicorn piñata for good fun, and I was reminded to purchase confectionery to fill it. Which I did, easily. A supermarket run to get some marshmellows, nougat bites and chocolates did the trick!

3. Dessert table

I DIY-ed this so I didn’t need to burn a hole in my pocket. I had @qiannybakes (follow her on Instagram) to do the two tier cake in rainbow and in rosettes; and had her also make the rainbow cupcakes, lemon meringue tarts and macarons (which were super delish and snapped up within an hour of the party) for the dessert table (she’s a homebaker, so she’s really affordable for a budget-conscious mom like me).

And that really was it. The table was also supplemented by me with fruit servings of blueberries, grapes and strawberries, and mini marshmallows in pretty cups (get them all from Phoon Huat).

The birthday cake! Too pretty!

The cake with the whole jing gang of My Little Ponies

Macarons in Rarity colours

Lemon meringue tartlets

Rainbow cupcakes with Speculoos toppings

Super nice of @qiannybakes to lend me her cake stands and pretty plates

4. Canapes

I got a coworker turned friend who owns @WhollyVida (Instagram follow tag) to take charge of prepping canapés for the guests. Since the party was going to be at 3pm, I figured most would be in the mood for light bites instead of something heavy. My friend, who’s also a raw food chef, nutritionist and a vegan-food enthusiast prepped us devil’s eggs, mushroom tahini crostini and cherry tomatoes polenta. They were simple pop-in-the-mouth wholesome goodness, and balanced out the sweet stuff from the dessert table.

Prepping the canapes at the pantry area

Pretty polenta bites

Crotini bites for the taking

5. Party activities

Ah. This was the one I scratched my head a little. How would I keep a group of 6-year-olds plus the other accompaniments ranging from toddler to much older siblings occupied?

I could get a magician – but that’s so not fitting for a party for Becks. She’s super reserved and if she gets singled out as the birthday girl all the time, she might really just hide in the toilet till the party’s over.

I could organise some painting activities; but she’ll be in white and purple and I wouldn’t want anyone well-dressed to have paint on them. (I’m considerate and practical that way, hurhur. For my helper, at least!)

So I made a call to my friends who own and run Tickle Your Senses, and asked what they could propose to do for a group of 6-year-olds and potentially some toddlers and 8 to 10-year-olds at a party. Playdough and waterbeads was the answer, and they agreed to do it as close to MLP theme as possible, with MLP colours and cookie cutters. I later found out they also threw in jewels for playdough play and the jewels kept Becks and her friends really really happy.

Water beads in Rarity colours

Home made, taste-safe playdough

Ready for little hands to play

Rarity – Becks’ favourite pony

Pretty in play

Tickle Your Senses make the best taste-safe, non-toxic playdough in the history of DIY playdough making. I assure you, you’ll never find playdough anywhere else that’s wonderful-smelling, therapeutic to mould and keeps children (and adults too) engaged for a such a long time!

Announcement: Tickle Your Senses tell me you can check out with “motherkao10off” for 10% off ALL products from now till 30 Nov 2016. Go try their playdough – you will change your mind about all other playdough!

6. Party favours

And because they were so, so kind – I’m referring to the ladies behind Tickle Your Senses – they sponsored mini playdough tubs with a Rarity ‘Thank you for coming to Becks’ 6th birthday’ sticker as the party favours, complete with moulds and cutters all nicely wrapped.

I also went online to MTRADE – The Novelty Wholesale Store to order some old school (water) games and some MLP trinkets to put in brown bags I bought from Daiso to make into little carrier bags the little guests could take away with thank-you printables from Etsy. While shopping at Mtrade, I also bought some purple disposable table cloths and an MLP themed disposable table cover.

Party favours, loving prepared by yours truly and Tickle Your Senses

7. Photography

This was a godsend because Fatherkao is usually the assigned photographer for any family event (which means he won’t be in the pictures and can’t really catch up with friends) but it turned out, through some new connections I’ve made at Trehaus this year, the photographer behind Tabledreamer Photography (follow Immanuel on IG @tabledreamerphotography), who absolutely loves photographing children in action, was available to be our photographer for the day.

I must add that our photographer for the day took on a rather challenging feat though – Becks is very used to being photographed only by her dad, and so Immanuel had to get her to warm up to him before being able to snap away. She’s terribly reserved around men, and it was very, very difficult to get her to even look at the camera.

Did he succeed, you think?

I’ll let his pictures do the talking.

And while I left the experts to handle all the above 7 items that make a birthday party, I focused on getting to know who’s who in my daughter’s class pre-party and during the party.

I’ve been pretty much disengaged with Becks’ school life, except the occasional bed time whining about friendship woes (they start early!) with some girls in her class whom I never had a face to put the name to. And so finally, sitting down with Becks to finalise the guest list (we invited everyone in the class even though she was adamant about not having boys at the party, haha) and updating the birthday girl herself on the RSVP list helped me understand my little girl, her take on friendships and how school life was for her.

And actually spending time during the party to get to know her friends and their mums and dads during the party.

Which was really precious.

On the day itself, all we did was to show up and have a good time. And so did Becks’ friends, our close friends and family.

And it was MOST important my birthday pony had the best time of her life.

Looking at the pictures, I think she did.

~~~

Thank you, everyone – family, friends, sponsors and partners – for all your love and for making this so very amazing for a 6-year-old who would be growing up beautifully in the year ahead and the years to come!

~~~

NOW FOR THE CREDITS *drumroll please*

Thank you, Chef Bibi and Chef CP, for prepping the food. And Fatherkao for prepping awesome pork ribs to share with everyone.

Thank you, Floral Garage SG, for putting up the decor at such short notice!

Thanks, @qiannybakes, for rushing down after baking and helping me plate those yummy desserts! And for loaning me all those pretty cake tiers and plates!

Thank you, Immanuel, for your patience in capturing many of these treasured moments which we will cherish for a long time.

Thank you, Chiao Chyi, for your patience with the girls at the playdough table, and for meticulously planning the activities for the party. I really appreciate you taking pains to prep each party favour!

Thank you, to all friends and family, who came to bless Becky with your presents and presence. Your love means a lot to us.

To Becky’s friends – you may all be parting ways after this year, but your paths may cross someday some way. She has wonderful memories with so many of you, and so thank you, for being her friend!

And lastly, THANK YOU, JESUS. I survived 6 years of that feisty baby since Day Zero at the delivery suite.

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Ben Kao Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up

7

February 29, 2016

This post essentially marks my firstborn turning 7.

S.E.V.E.N.

All five letters of it. All 7 years of it. All 2, 555 days of it.

This was the baby that started me on my journey to motherhood. He came to rock my world, and boy, did he rock it hard and shake it well. I became acquainted with all things mum, thanks to him, from babywearing and mastitis to classical music and puree-ing food. Because of him, I could apply all the wisdom gleaned from all the mistakes made for #2 and #3. I learned how to trim nails, scrutinise the colour and smell of poo and administer medicine (which required lots of skill through a syringe, by the way). I also mastered the art of tiptoeing all around the house, dancing and clowning around and reading labels on every single thing I wish to buy from the stores. I learned how to handle mum guilt, studied how to apply reality discipline and read copiously on all things parenting. Thanks to this boy, I charged full steam ahead like I’ve been given a new lease of life in my sluggish twenties, and wore the title “MOTHER” like a badge of honour.

Ben, oh, Ben. How much you have taught me. And how much I have learned because of you. All these seven years.

And every day I learn and grow, as your mother, and as a person. They say motherhood brings out the best and worst in you. It is true. I saw what I could do – in every sense of the word – good and bad, and learned above all else to manage myself in order to mother you.

Birthdays are always the toughest for me. While I sing you the ‘Happy Birthday’ song, I am always choking on the inside. Look at you, you’re a big boy now. And whilst the thought of you growing tall and strong and leaving me someday as you become independent flashes through my mind, I reminisce the days when you toddled, grinned and laughed.

How mixed my feelings are, every single year on this day.

Happy birthday, Son. You made me Mum on this day and I am proud of single minute of it.

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Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up Nat Kao

Letter to my littlest #10

February 23, 2016

To my dearest Nat,

YOU ARE FOUR! How did we get there so fast?

I can barely believe that my last baby, the one that’s destined to never grow up in my eyes, growing up. You’re almost as tall and heavy as your sister. You’re quite the chatterbox that you are and the funny bone of the family. I’ve found you singing and shaking your bum in the shower, laughing insanely like there’s not a care you have in the world (with that infectious laughter of yours) and making crazy machine gun sounds with your mouth and pretending that you are Ninjago / Transformer / Spiderman / Hulk / Batman / Green Lantern and hero of all heroes.

Boy, do you play like a boy, for sure.

You are balm to my soul and I know I’ve said it a million times but I’ll say it again – the apple of my eye. You make me throw all rules out of the window and become a Mama who helplessly breaks into baby-talk when she’s never ever believed in it nor done it with your older siblings.

Yes, this is your superhero ability, sweetie pie munchkin.

On your birthday, I hugged you tight and teared and asked for a hundred of those “true love’s kiss”. You must be wondering, whatssup with Mom, she’s gone mad on my birthday, making me eat cake twice and singing me the birthday song again and again and asking for hugs and kisses every single minute. Truth is, I am going through my rite of passage at a parent – letting you grow up one year at a time. And reminding myself that next time this year, you’ll grow taller, heavier, bigger, smarter, cooler and more of a superhero than you already are this time this year.

And I can’t handle it yet.

So baby boy, can I just say it again – here – which I know someday you’d read, that I love you to the moon and back and you’re the reason why my heart turns to mush every day.

Because it’s just such a happy, happy thing to be your mommy, and I wish to baby you forever.

Happy Birthday, Son. I’m glad I have you at four for a year.

Love,

Mama

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Ben Kao Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up

Baby boy no more

December 2, 2015

At the Kao household, we are bracing ourselves for some major changes.

One of them involves two dirty words – PRIMARY SCHOOL. Well, at least to me. It’s “dirty” because it robs me of the feeling that I can’t baby my firstborn anymore.

Sob.

So the Primary One registration process from start to finish has been a breeze, thank God. There were no tears, no struggles and no heart-stopping moments. For that, we thank our parents from the bottom of our hearts for putting us in good schools when they made their choices. Whether they had foresight 2 decades ago (3, for Fatherkao, hurhurhur) or did it because of convenience, I am so glad to be counted among the few blessed ones to have options of schools.

All we did was to make the major decision to move back to the west so that the travelling time to and from school would be painless, and we pretty much had all things set for our children with Ben’s entry to a decent school in Primary One.

We had uniforms, textbooks and workbooks, school bus and even the ECCA settled for our firstborn on 2 separate days last month. There’s one more orientation coming up on the 30th this month for him to orientate himself in terms of classroom and school buses, and he’s all set to enter the forays of formal education.

Excuse me while I go cry for a while. Was it just a while ago I said hi to him in the delivery room back in KKH?

As a former educator, I am also bracing myself for the fact that Ben will be entering a dungeon filled with unknown dragons to slay – peer pressure, the pressure-cooker system of assessments and performance-driven tasks, expectations and demands from teachers, school and possibly even from me; not forgetting the largest demon called the PSLE, which probably would render most of us at home incapacitated for that year – and I am wishing, right now, with all my heart, that he would remain my baby forever and I would never have to send him into this dark abyss where I can no longer mother him like I would a baby.

This is also a time of change for me. Once upon a time I had toddlers and preschoolers. Now I have one that’s growing up way too fast.

A few months ago, Ben started calling me ‘Mom’ (instead of ‘Mama’) and that just about changed the dynamics between us officially in this new phase. He’s showing me he no longer wants to be ‘babied’, oh why oh why. ‘It’s more grown-up to call you Mom, Mom,’ he tells me. A month ago, he was officially the bo-gay that would sing ‘All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth‘. A few weeks ago, he shed many tears looking at his graduating photos of himself with his friends from K2, telling me with sadness in his eyes that he missed them all and he is just “too sad that he’s growing up so fast”.

And just a few days ago I had to make sure he made a pinky promise with me that I would be his best friend forever. And that he would tell me everything that’s going on – in his mind, in his class, on the bus. ‘Ok, Mom. I won’t keep secrets from you,’ he says.

That’s my way of making sure I can still baby my firstborn. That’s also my way of holding him hostage to his words should he ever read this blog some day.

Meanwhile, the work to prepare him for dragon-slaying is on full-steam. We had a few things put in place the entire year for him. This includes making sure he enjoys the Chinese language through conversation and stories (he has a Chinese tutor come in to do some work with him and enthrall him with stories like Journey to the West), encouraging his progress beyond the K2 syllabus for Math and English (lessons at BlueTree, board games and story books are best for this!), developing his creativity and adaptability through craft and innovation (we have a craft trolley filled with recycled raw materials and LEGO for that!) and getting him to pick up a sport of his choice (more on that experience soon on the blog).

This baby’s all grown up now!

No need for kids’ size – Ben is an ‘S’ now!

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Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids

I’ve got a new name

October 22, 2015

How fast are my children growing?

Fast enough for everyone to give me a new name.

The name’s Mom.

Mom, mom.

What happened to Mama? That’s what I’d like to know too.

I’m still dealing with being called this new name and losing the baby-talk-term-of-endearment. When once upon a time, it was ‘Mama, look! Me draw circle!’ Today, it’s ‘Hey, Mom, check this out. Way cool, right?’

When a year ago, everyone would be whining and crying, ‘I want Mama!’ Today, it’s ‘Bye Mom, I love you, I miss you, and have fun at work.’ Believe you me, my three-year-old speaks in this manner too.

Too fast, kids. Way too fast.

I guess my only consolation that I still have some babies left in the house is at bedtime where everyone still wants their Mama sitting next to them and tucking them in bed.

Please leave a space for Mama in your heart always, babes.

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Ben Kao Getting all sentimental now Happy days Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids

6.

February 26, 2015

My firstborn occupies a special place in my heart.

He is creative, spontaneous, imaginative and curious.

He is sensible, kind-hearted, and always eager to learn and help.

For the longest time ever, I have yet to handle a meltdown or a tantrum from him. He understands and listens to reason, and always chooses to love and obey. He is affectionate all the time and hardly has a mean word for anyone.

Yet these are not the reasons why I love him so.

This boy was my very first. The very first baby I carried in my womb for 38 weeks. The very first human being I held in my arms to say, “Hello, I’m your Mama.” The very first person that my world has known that was flesh and blood.

I love him so because … just because.

He’s mine, that’s why.

Ben turns 6 today, and I am giving thanks for all these beautiful years of having him as mine.

Happy Birthday, Son! You’ll always have that special first place in my heart.

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(Self) Examination Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids The real supermom

Memory Lane

February 12, 2015

Recently, a reporter from the papers rang me up to ask if she could do a story about what motherhood is like, having three kids so close in age. She then asked me some routine questions so she could find the interest angle in my story. I don’t know if what I shared would end up as a feature in the papers, but talking to her sure brought back a flood of memories.

Memories – though somewhat a little hazy now – of how I discovered I was pregnant after Ben was barely nine months, and having to deal with a very horrible, terrible, no good first trimester of wretching, wretching and more wretching, always feeling so sorry that I couldn’t last longer breastfeeding Ben (and to think I even wanted to try tandem feeding!) …

Memories of how tough being pregnant in the last trimester was, with a toddling toddler in tow, and being every bit the hands-on mom that I am, doing everything for him (and refusing to let the domestic helper do what a mother should do) …

Memories of how Becks was such a difficult baby refusing to latch, Ben graduating from infantcare to toddler class at daycare, and me breaking down like a wreck seeing how hard he cried at our separation every morning after his sister was born …

And memories of how the road to having an infant and a toddler was made even tougher when my husband broke his leg and was out of commission for the following half of the year…

And then discovering that I was pregnant again when Becks was transiting to solids well and learning to toddle like a pro…

To realise that the moment Nat was born it was almost an automatic given that Becks would enter her Terrible Twos, albeit half a year earlier …

And then I suddenly had in my hands – gosh, not enough hands! – two toddlers and one infant …

And that when they were in childcare and infantcare, and falling sick quite often with germs having a heyday in the house, I had used up all my leave, my savings, and my energy …

Those years were insane years.

And then I was asked the question: if I could do it all over again, would I at least try to space them further apart? Or maybe… stop at two…?

And a deluge of sentimentality hit me so hard it took me quite a while to recover. While I sounded composed and did all my polite laughs, I was choking on the inside.

Those years were hard. Those years were crazy. What was I thinking?

But these faces.

These children today, at 6, 5 and 3, and the bond that they share being each other’s best friends, is the reason I say makes everything worthwhile.

I would do three kids, 18 months apart, in a heartbeat. My world has never known otherwise, and yet my world has been made complete with the three children I have today.

It has been one hell of a mad, mad ride, but it’s totally worth it.

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(Self) Examination Getting all sentimental now

Last post of the year

December 31, 2014

In 2014, I embraced the challenge of starting a business on top of juggling the demands of full-time motherhood.

In 2014, I had the privilege of being the mother to a 5-year-old, a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old and being in a marriage of 10 years.

In 2014, the blog turned 2. This post marks the 430th piece of writing I have done on this space. This space has grown to be a place of meaning and purpose – at least for me; a platform in which I could breathe in and reflect – and reconnect with life, living and motherhood.

It was a busy, glorious year.

And part of the glorious busy would not have happened if not for you. Thank you for being a part of this gloriously busy, but fulfilling year, because this blog would not exist if not for you.

Happy New Year!

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