There is almost nothing constant in the world of parenting the Kao kids. The dynamics change. The demands change. The seasons change.

And now, I’m spending every single day breaking fights, stopping squabbles and wiping away blood and tears.

A few months ago, everything was still fine and dandy. I remember writing a post about how my babies are finally playing together.

Then just like that, everything’s changed. There’s suddenly a lot of angst in the house. The kids are smacking one another, snatching things and yelling. A LOT. Somewhere some time in the day, somebody’s being bullied, crying foul or yanking hair. I don’t interfere in their sibling quarrels usually, but now that there are more incidents of blood, I am yelling more frequently, sending kids for time out and inviting Mr Cane to handle some of these fights.

One of the reasons for this new situation arising is because someone is stepping into the zone called the Terrible Twos at 21 months. Oh man, this boy knows how to fend for himself, alright! He’s not one to be bullied, and he asserts his independence in as many ways as he knows how. He’s also started smacking (faces), throwing (things at people) and biting (body parts of anyone) whenever he perceives that he is at a disadvantage.

The other reason is because Ben is beginning to understand the notion of fairness, justice and revenge. I’m beginning to suspect that Ben may be more gifted than I think he is. He is verbally expressive, and argues with me like a lawyer would with another in court. The case he is arguing is usually his own, and he is very skilled in negotiating about rules, punishment, discipline, bedtime, dinner – basically nearly anything he doesn’t like or wishes to avoid (but that’s for another post another time, and another issue altogether). And because he thinks that whatever Mom and Dad expect of him should be the same with his siblings, he gets considerably upset and angsty when things are not equal. Things are not always equal because he is four and he should know better and has been taught more things.

Anyway, it is this grappling with the notion of fairness and justice that has caused him to be quite pent up. As a result, he sometimes act like a bully when things don’t go his way.

And of course, we have to add Becks to the equation, the little girl who still has tantrums and meltdowns, and who’s learning the art of negotiation from her brother by watching him every day. She joins this by contributing spiteful words with her unbridled tongue, always yelling, “I don’t love you anymore!” and getting way too emotional.

So there you have it. These two months have been tough with the kids with their evolving needs and temperaments. One minute they could be playing together and the next, they would be tugging shirts and pushing one another. They swing from adoring one another one moment and declaring “I don’t love you” the next. There’s a lot of tempers to tame, a lot of conflicts to negotiate and communication skills to be taught. This is one of the biggest challenges of having three children aged 18 months apart between each other thus far.

Some people say siblings that fight the most are the tightest and closest when they grow up. I sure hope that they will grow up tightly knit looking at the number of fights I have to break up every day.