As a mother, you deal with excretions of every kind. You clean up pee, poop and booger. You wipe away sweat, swab off pus from blisters and scrape dirt trapped in nails. You drain off mucus coming from the nose and phlegm from the throat. You see, smell and even feel the vomit belched out with force from an upset stomach, then remove (with the help of lots of Dettol) all its content from body/ clothes/ furniture/ floor. Multiply that by the number of kids and the number of years before they can be trained to perform the above themselves (I’m thinking, by twelve?) and that pretty much sums up the length of time you’ll be spending on this unglamorous side of motherhood.

Except that you may also outsource the ear-cleaning bit to someone else. I have outsourced mine to this wonderful woman also known as the kids’ PD.

 

I love it when I don’t have to worry about this form of excretion because she does such a good job taking them out whenever we visit.

It’s gross. And it could have been my job.