I’ve come up with three ‘DO NOTs’ for the kids.
I’ve had enough of being annoyed and vexed everyday, and sounding like the naggiest nagger of the century. I’m frustrated that I’m always yelling. So today, I looked Ben and Becks in the eye and said, “From now on, every time I give instructions, you must remember the three ‘DO NOTs’.
1) Do not ask why
Both Ben and Becks have this habit of asking why for everything now, and they usually ask for the sake of asking, and not because they genuinely want to find out about things. I’m training them to ask more intelligent questions, and also throwing each ‘why’ back at them if I feel they are fully capable of giving me the answer. And I have officially declared that when it comes to instructions, they are not allowed to ask why. On a daily basis, this is what they sometimes do to me:
Me: It’s 10 o’clock. Get changed to go to school.
Ben: Why?
~~~
Me: Come here and brush your teeth now.
Becks: Why?
~~~
In these two instances, there is no ‘because’. I often make the mistake of explaining to the children why they need to do what they need to do, but that, I realized, is not training them. I mean, why should I explain the reason for holding my hand when we cross the road, or why they need to take my word for what it is and follow my instructions in times of danger? The Nazi mum in me says they need to follow without questioning. I need instant obedience.
2) Do not say no
The other bad, bad habit is their reflex response of saying no to every single thing they are asked to do. In true militant style, I’m making them learn to say ‘Yes, Mama’ and not ‘No’.
I can say, “Come and drink some barley”, and they can go, “No, I don’t want”. I mean, did I give them an option? If they don’t learn to say yes to me, how are they going to learn submission and obedience to other forms of authority later in life? Imagine the primary school teacher go, “Draw a two-finger spacing margin” and my son says “I don’t want”. Epic fail in parenting.
3) Do not make me wait
Sometimes, they don’t ask why and they don’t say no. They simply ignore an instruction or disregard what I say. And I repeat it. And I repeat it. And I repeat it. And I repeat it. THEN I HOLLER. THEN I BLOW MY TOP!! This is such a stupid trap I fall into, so I’ve given them the order not to wait to respond to me. When I count to three, things must happen. They must come if I call. They must say ‘Yes, Mama’.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Onward with more child training this week with my three golden rules!
12 Comments
I hate the waiting too!! Its super fustrating when I asked my elder boy who is 3 this year and capable of listening to instructions, to do something and he makes me wait. Or when I asked him a question and he ignores me and continue playing with his toys!! And then I have to repeat and repeat till I get angry with him!. Argh! And now when he ask me questions that I do not have the answers to, I just answer him back, ‘Your mother’. hahahha, mean I know but after answering the 1000 questions, sometimes I just want some peace and quiet! Heehee ;p
Totally understand, I think we all answer like 459 questions a day from one kid! MAN! “Your mother” is such a great answer! Haha… Gonna try it!
I’m so with you on this, esp the utterly pointless whys! I’ve reached a stage where I don’t bother answering. I also have “Do not ask Why” on my list of rules! The others sound like good ideas too.
Yea, Mummybean. Now I say, remember “Do Not Ask Why” rule?” And then Ben asks, “Why?”, to which I either go, “Because, because, because – is the answer” or “There is NO Because!” Hahaha
Haha.. i like yr parenting style… esp no. 3. They always keep us waiting and waiting.. dilly dally, taking their own sweet tiem. .. oh.. that really drives me to wall…. i’m impatient I admit
Trust me. I am making the biggest effort of NOT SCREAMING.But they are pushing the wrong buttons ALL THE TIME!
I feel you, Irene. I totally understand what you mean.
Liz, I do this all the time too. =) Not Nazi at all. In my view. HAHAHA. I also tell my girl if mummy repeats the same instructions three times, mummy is going to be angry. Or simply, I am not going to help her do it. Like not brush her teeth, and then scare her with all the stories of how the ants are going to attack her teeth at night and how her teeth will drop in the morning.
Do the horror tales work? My kids are not bought by horror. They’ll just keep annoying me with their “whys”. Sigh. If I’d told them ants would go and attack their teeth, they would probably go, “Huh, but why and how? They don’t need to sleep? Why they want to come inside my mouth? For what?”
One trick we psychs like to use is to give them 2 options, one is the one you want them to pick and the other a more horrendous alternative. Like my girl hates sleeping without a fan and also hates covering with a blanket so I say, “Blanket and no fan or fan with blanket?” More often than not, she will pick the lesser of 2 evils, which is to cover with a blanket (what I wanted her to choose in the first place). This way, they feel they made the choice themselves so they cant blame anyone else after and you get your way! Heh sneaky right ;P
Excellent, sneaky idea! Ok, I’m going to be using this! Thanks for sharing! See la, so desperate.
Madeline, somehow this method NEVER worked with my kids! Noey would just reject both options and say “No, I want the fan and no blanket.” What to do then?