If you’re overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of parenting books out there, and don’t know where to start choosing one to read and learn from, I urge you to read only Dr Tim Kimmel’s Grace Based Parenting. Of all the books I’ve read and devoured, this is the book that matters, the book that I read and reread, the book I flip frequently, randomly for insight, the parenting book I seek advice from, and the devotional I use to study together with the Bible. I believe this is one author and literature that’s inspired by the Lord Himself – because we worship a God of grace, we can be grace-based parents.

The book deals with the heart of grace-based parenting, and provides help in which we can develop a grace-based style of parenting on a day-to-day basis. Grace-based parenting processess all actions towards the child through the filter of meeting his three driving inner needs. A child’s three driving inner needs are:

1. A need for security

2. A need for significance

3. A need for strength

Our role as parents is to provide our children with a love that is secure, a purpose that is significant and a hope that is strong through our everyday interaction with them, and understand – above all else – that this is how God raises His children. One thing the author said struck me and resonated deep within; he mentioned that our children’s needs will NOT be met as a result of reading his book but “meeting these needs will be the result of your putting what you learned into practice in your life first”. In other words, we need to know that we are loved by God, we have a purpose and we have hope, and that we are secure, significant and strong in Him – knowing this and living this will enable us to meet our own children’s inner needs.

Here are some key takeaways from the book:

1) All children are born with a need to love and be loved, a need to live lives that have a meaning, and a need to believe that tomorrow is worth getting up for: God designed the home, a grace-based home, for our children to find that fulfillment in Him who created these needs.

2) You can’t have grace when you have rules and little relationship: rules without relationship is the ideal formula for raising rebellious kids. On the other hand, relationships without rules will result in resentful kids too.

3) Grace-based parents enjoy the child just the way he is. They create homes of honour. Homes of honour see the other person’s time, gifts, uniqueness and dreams as gifts to be cherished and stewarded. They are generous with affection, and as parents, understand that God loves them more than they can ever know.

4) Grace-based parents worship the God of purpose and help build significant purpose into their child. They regularly affirm them, give them their attention and admonish them gracefully with guidelines and consequences. Grace-based parents train their children and groom them for greatness (Hebrews 12:7, 9, 11) and grow the “peaceful fruit of righteouness” by planting the seed with consistent and graceful discipline.

5) If our children want to have any hope as adults, they’ve got to harness their potential, discipline their desires, regiment their strengths and face their weakness with courage. And they’ve got to follow our lead.

6) Grace-based parenting works from the inside out; fear-based parenting works from the outside in.

7) Grace-based families are homes where children are given the freedom to be different, the freedom to be vulnerable, the freedom to be candid, and the freedom to make mistakes.

God knows we need security in our hearts, significance in our lives and strength for the future, and this is how he parents us. This is how we can respond to our children, as the recipients of His undeserving mercy and love towards us in our every day. Reading this book opened my eyes, and reminded me of God’s unconditional and personal love for me. I encourage you to get it and read it, and make grace-based parenting your lifestyle and your way of raising kids.