When there was only one kid in the house, life was a breeze. A dear friend (bless her soul) came by a month after Ben’s birth with a book on how to turn my baby into a CLB (a Contented Little Baby). This woman (the author, not my friend) knew exactly how babies worked – she told mothers what time to feed, what time to put baby to bed, what time to have lunch, how much milk to express. If you followed her routines to the letter, you’d be guaranteed a CLB. We tried the routines on Ben religiously, and wala, what did we know, we had a CLB in our arms! Naptime, bedtime, feedtime, me-time – bring ’em on! Easy as pie! This was why we decided since we were the privileged few who knew the secret to having contented babies, let’s have one more.
So when I knew I was pregnant with Becks, I headed to Borders to buy The Contented Baby with Toddler book. I thought I had it all figured out. I would follow the routines to the letter and I would have two contented babies and a blissful life. Awesome.
Awesome. NOT. Becks was a baby who disliked routines and she very much wanted to do what she liked when she liked however she liked and you’re not stopping her because she is a strong-willed girl with a mind of her own and a fearsome temper. She’d shriek the house down if you woke her up at 7am if she wanted to sleep and she’d scream her lungs out if she wanted to guzzle more milk beyond the stipulated time for feeding. She sent the message loud and clear – I will be contented when you give me, my royal highness, what I want, so buzz off and just let me be the baby I want to be. ‘Nuff said.
So there were no more CLBs in the house because Ben’s routines were disrupted by the sister who called out to Mama at her whims. I turned to other baby-led routines and tried other ways to fit Becks in. There was no way to CLB, Ferberize or Baby-wise this girl. It was a tough year, because Ben and Becks were like chalk and cheese – one needed routines to follow, and in turn, feel secure; the other was a free-spirit. I don’t know what we did but we somehow survived by just keeping naptime, bedtime and mealtime consistent for the two of them. And it helped that they started to attend the same preschool and the routines are very much fixed at school, and so life just got better and better.
In a few months, Nat is going to spend more time waking than sleeping and start solids. I practically threw all routine-advice out of the window and did what I felt I should when I should, for Nat. Perhaps it’s experience, or perhaps, it’s instinct. Although because I didn’t follow some form of a routine, he is refusing the bottle now, I am swallowing my lunch and dinner (not much chewing involved) and can go constipated for days because everyday springs new surprises. You don’t know when baby would wake or sleep or want milk – you think you know but you actually don’t – yesterday is not the same as today and tomorrow will be a different day altogether. Some days you think, ah, it’s almost time for a feed so let me get ready, and baby sleeps an hour more and you’d be like, dang, I should have taken a bath and cooked some lunch; and some days you put baby down and you know for a fact that he has just spent the last hour feeding so it’s time to drift off to slumberland with a full tummy but no, he’s all gurgles and smiles and you badly need to brush your teeth, move your bowels, scrub and double-scrub your-smelly-leaking-milk-dirty-self and cut your dirt-and-poop-trapped-nails.
So this is what having three kids taught me, apart from learning to groom myself, eat my food and move my bowels in record time of 4:36 minutes (all together), that each kid is different and with each kid I am different, and have to be. It’s impossible to tell a first-time (neurotic) mum to go with the flow but with three kids, you can and may sometimes even feel guilty that you’re hecking it. I’ve come a long way since my CLB days and am doing what I do best like a fish in water – mothering – and being a CLM, Contented Little Mother.
