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Milestones and growing up

Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids

Simplicity

June 25, 2012

To my dear children,

The world you will be growing up in would be so much more perplexing and complicated. I pray you will make God your guiding light in every step of the way.

I had a childhood in a much simpler world.

When I was your age, the playgrounds I knew consisted of sand, granite fixtures, wooden splintered planks for see-saws and rusty merry-go-rounds.

The grandpa I knew grew a jackfruit tree so huge cats could sleep on its branches. The grandma I knew pierced my cousin’s ears with a hot blistering needle. I watched her kill rats with her wooden clogs. I watched him crack open jackfruits from his harvest.

I ate iced pops for ten cents and called my mother at a pay-phone with the same amount of money. My father had a pager louder than a siren.

I took school buses that did not have air conditioning and carried a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle school bag in purple. My favourite Ninja Turtle’s name was Leonardo. My sister’s was Michelangelo.

I listened to cassette tapes and made collections of my favourite songs by pressing the record button on a blank tape. I played handheld games that needed only four AA-sized batteries. I wrote to penpals, collected stamps and joined the Bookworm Club.

I ran around barefoot, ate dirt and chomped down curdled pig’s blood in my bowl of yong tau foo.

I threw coins in a wishing well and got a Boggle game set and a Charlie Brown metal pencil case for Christmas.

When my mother and father took pictures of me, we waited for almost a week before we could see them.

This was a picture taken almost three decades ago. No surprises here which one is your mother.

Someday, when you’re old enough to recall bits of your childhood, remember to write a letter back to Mama. I would like to hear what you thought your world was like.

 

Love always,

Mama

 

Becks Kao Milestones and growing up The darndest kid quotes and antics

Being two

June 23, 2012

My daughter has officially entered the Terrible Two one month shy of her second birthday, and not a day goes by without fighting epic battles of wills with her. She’s learning to assert her independence and testing the boundaries so much so that bathing / feeding / changing / sleeping has become struggles between me and her on a daily basis. She would choose what to wear and the colour of spoon to eat with. And if she decides to sit on her diaper-filled poop today, she is so going to.  She would not have you shampoo her hair if she doesn’t feel like getting it wet, and trust me, she will.give.you.hell if you so decide to get her out of bed to go out. She will lie in bed for as long as she wants, and any attempt to pry her away from her bolster and carrying her from the bed will result in a fit so hissy you’d rather go find a hole and bury yourself. When she has her tantrums, she can wail non-stop for more than half an hour and no amount of talking sense and cajoling can make her stop. I have videos to prove that she can cry and scream at the top of her lungs for that long.

And to make matters worse, she has night terrors. They started when she was about 14 months old. She has been sitting up and crying inconsolably at regular intervals nightly for a while now, usually about three to four times between 11pm and 5am. And the past week has been hell. She yelled the house down while in her semi-conscious state at least five times in the night. She had a viral fever the week before and I’m pretty sure it could have been the reason for the excessive partial night wakings.

So I have no respite, day and night.

This is Becks after three tantrums today. She refused to wear the pretty jumper I prepared for her and when I attempted to put it on, she kicked and fussed and shrieked. That was the first. When I finally decided that I was not willing to die on this hill in this battle and allowed her to choose what she wanted to wear, she chose her brother’s t-shirt. I said no, and wailing started all over again. That was the second. When she finally stopped, there were mucous and tears all over her face. I cleaned her up and made her drink some water. She refused to drink, and that started her third outburst. She was promptly sent to the naughty corner. When she finally calmed down, I allowed her to choose what she wanted to wear, with the exception of her brother’s clothes.

She wanted to be pink from head to toe.

I almost fainted.

 

Ben Kao Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids

Farewell, my bunk bed

June 11, 2012

I’ve shared a little on how tough it has been trying to train the kids to sleep on their own.

Just that very night after I posted, fatherkao had a terrible time co-sleeping with Ben and Becks. He has had many nights of terribleness so far and it seems to be getting worse. Becks would have her witching hour nightly and it usually happens between 2 and 4 am. As for Ben, he would wake his father up religiously at 1.30am and ask if he could sleep with him. If fatherkao says no, he would sit on the floor and be really stoned out, looking pitiful and all, so usually the father says yes and they would be vying for space on the sofa bed.

And every morning fatherkao would wake up looking like a truck’s ran all over him. I think his eye circles are darker than mine. Already I’m waking up a few times in the night nursing the baby, who is having growth spurts.

Which was why he announced yesterday with no sentimentality whatsoever that we are getting rid of the fire engine bunk bed. No more funky stuff in the room. We’re gonna have to lay mattresses on the floor and everyone can all huddle like refugees. Don’t need to compete for space, don’t need to worry who would fall off the bed, don’t need to force the kids to stay, and sleep, on their beds.

So we’re saying goodbye. It was good while it lasted.

 

Milestones and growing up What to Expect... As a Mother

Sleep training history

June 4, 2012

The trickiest bit to parenting, in my opinion, is training the kids to sleep on. their. own. by. themselves. And it’s not just the toughest battle but the most arduous. Even with advice aplenty out there – sleep coaching, crying it out, no tears approach – it’s usually easier said than done. When Ben was born, fatherkao and I decided to preserve the sanctity of our bed and so we agreed that we will never co-sleep with our kids on our bed. I ended up co-sleeping in Ben’s room instead. I gave up running in and out whenever I heard the baby monitor, so we bought a sofa bed that I could sleep on in the nursery. That worked out quite fine because the husband got his rest and I could get my son to relieve much of the engorgement I had suffered in the night. Even when I found out I was pregnant with Becks and no longer had milk supply, I did the co-sleeping thing still because I was a needy mother, and being with my son at night had become more of an addiction to fix my withdrawal symptoms which I had earlier suffered in the day at work.

When I was pregnant again, we needed the cot for the second baby. So we hurried Ben’s graduation from cot to bed by (making the huge mistake of) buying him a bunk bed, thinking that it would make him want to sleep in it and on his own. Even with a funky fire-engine for a bed, he would be found on the sofa bed with a very pregnant me in the middle of the night. I was too exhausted to put him back to his bed every time he came down, and if I ever did so, I would have spent more time waking than sleeping, really. The plan was to hang on in there until the baby was born because I needed to give him as much assurance as I could (he was only nine months when I was preggers again) and fatherkao would take start training him while I co-sleep with the other baby.

But who would’ve known that fatherkao would suffer a sports injury so bad one month after our daughter’s birth that he had to be wheelchair-bound for the next eight months. I was back to co-sleeping, this time with two needy babies. That period was the darkest for me. The husband wasn’t mobile and needed care; Ben was bewildered and insecure with the changes at home, and Becks was a screamy bundle of terror. We huddled on the sofa bed every night for a year.

When fatherkao recovered and became mobile again, we attempted to proceed with the plan. Co-sleep with Becks but at least train Ben to sleep on his own, alone in his room. Stay with him till he sleeps. And when he does, come back to the master bedroom. Unfortunately, whoever puts him to bed hardly returns, largely due to extreme exhaustion.

We recently graduated Becks from cot to junior bed (a month before Nat was born). The two children are now sleeping with fatherkao in the same room. I am sleeping with Nat. Three years have come  and gone, and still, Ben cannot sleep without one of us being around. He can’t even just go to sleep with his sister in the same room. It’s like, he has the ability to feel the parent-presence. The moment that presence is gone, he is awake. And strangely, this ability is genetic. His sister has that power too. That is why when fatherkao wakes up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, you will usually also hear two kids whimpering / whining / moaning, “I want Dada!”.

I’ve been quick to blame myself for never really training the two of them with all the methods that I’ve read about from parenting books. Good thing is, my children usually don’t have problems falling asleep as the routine is pretty much set: dinner, warm bath, bit of TV or story-telling, milk, brushing teeth, a prayer and some songs, and they’ll soon be drifting off to slumberland. But to ensure they stay there for an uninterrupted length of time, there must be the parent-presence. Take it away and you will see two jokers in pajamas suddenly wide awake asking why you aren’t in the room with them. Sometimes, if I’m the one doing the tucking in, Ben wants me to hold his hand. He says I must hold it at all times. This afternoon, I tried taking my hand away from his after an hour. That promptly ended his nap.

I’m kinda at a loss right now as to how we should proceed with this sleep training thing with three kids. I don’t have a big enough house with rooms to lock every kid in and try the CIO method. Neither do I have the money to hire a sleep coach to train my kids to sleep without the parent-presence. I guess I may have to settle for all five of us huddling on the sofa bed someday.

Or perhaps, finally giving in and letting everyone loose (*gasp*) on our bed in the master bedroom. And then when the kids are finally asleep, we’ll dress two bolsters up with our clothes, play a broken record of sorts of our breathing and sneak into the children’s room and sleep together (finally) on the sofa bed.

Sounds like a plan to me.

Family life as we know it I ♥ lists Milestones and growing up Nat Kao The Kao Kids

Enter Lil’ Nat

May 19, 2012

It’s now triple the madness. Ever since little Nat entered our world, the Kao household is never really quite the same again. Here’s what has changed:

1. We’ve all gotten used to Nat’s crying as part of ambient sound. Because this is our third baby, we don’t pick him up as and when he calls. Although I sometimes indulge him a little; this being the last time (hopefully!) I’ll be holding a baby (that’s mine) this small.

2. Peak hours have extended. It used to be crazy from 6 to 8.30pm, but now it’s even crazier, with peak period officially ending at 10. This is because everything gets delayed with Nat in the picture (see #3).

3. My kids have become more clingy than ever. When I was pregnant with Nat, Ben and Becks were pretty ok with feeding themselves and having someone else shower them. But now, it’s “Mama, feed me“, “Mama, change my diapers“, “Mama bathe me“, “Mama clean my mouth“, basically, “Mama, [DO EVERYTHING]“. They would burst into fits and throw ginormous tantrums if fatherkao or the helper were to come along and do what they want me to do. Becks would refuse to eat if I didn’t hold the spoon. Ben would hold on to my thighs. They would both sit on the floor and cry because they want Mama. This is the reason for the extension of peak hours – the three kids would take turns to be fed / cleaned / showered by me, which means that by the time all is settled, Mama is an exhausted wreck. All these would happen on a daily basis while the helper and fatherkao watch helplessly at a corner.

4. My kids have learned how to be considerate and helpful overnight. The clingy part aside, they have turned into helpful little troopers, refilling wet wipes and entertaining Nat when I need a break. They’ve also learned to shush each other up and whisper. This never happened when there were only the two of them.

5. My husband and I have started asking each other for permission to go to the toilet. Usually, when permission is granted, we’ll also furnish each other with details of why we are going and how long we would take.

6.  Our house is filled with a lot more laughter amidst the madness. Yes, we are all stretched thin but when we see the two clowning around the little one, and the little one chuckling repeatedly, we can’t wait for the day when all three of them would start playing together. What fun!

Ben Kao Milestones and growing up The darndest kid quotes and antics The Kao Kids

Nice Ugly Dog

May 18, 2012

Ben’s been staying home with me more days than he’s been to school this week. He’s been down with a bout of stomach flu. Feeling chirpier today, we decided to head downstairs for a stroll and get some lunch.

It was mid-day and the estate was relatively quiet. An elderly man was walking his dog (a Maltese, methinks). The dog was sniffing grass, minding its own business.

Then my son broke the silence.

“Mama, see! An UGLY dog!”

The elderly uncle gave me a look and I returned it with a contorted embarrassed smile. When we shuttled past, I told Ben it was not nice to call a dog ugly. Though truth be told, it was. It was shaven bald and its skin was so raw there were patches of pink and brown and all sorts of blotches –  the dog did look horribly ugly.

Me: It’s not nice to yell “ugly dog”, dear.

Ben: Why?

Me: The uncle might feel hurt that you called his dog ugly.

Ben: Why? The dog IS ugly what.

Me: Maybe he thinks its the most beautiful dog in the world and you just hurt his feelings. (This, I know, was complete bull.)

He stated his point of view and I did mine, and that was it. I was honestly tickled by my kid who says the darndest things. At the darndest moment. Oh well, it’s just a dog. I was glad he didn’t march up to someone and declare that he/ she was fat / ugly / gross.

When we returned from getting lunch, we walked past the dog and the man again. This time, Ben yelled:

“Mama, see! A NICE dog!”

Becks Kao Ben Kao Getting all sentimental now Milestones and growing up Nat Kao The Kao Kids

Somebody stop time, please

May 16, 2012

To my precious ones,

You are all growing up too quickly for Mama to handle.

Ben, wasn’t it a while ago you were asking questions furiously? Now you speak like a little man; I miss the cheeky, curious you.

Becks, didn’t you just start walking and talking? Now you rattle non-stop to anyone and everyone, and your two little penguins have become your imaginary friends. I thought I heard you ask them to hold hands and hug each other yesterday. I miss your babblings and high-pitched giggles.

Nat, wasn’t it like yesterday I held you in the delivery room? I just heard you chuckle this morning. You’ve grown from the small helpless baby to one enthusiastic trooper doing mini push-ups every waking moment. I will miss holding the little baby that was you.

Not so soon, darlings, not so soon. I still want to baby all three of you.

With all my love, and more,

Mama

Milestones and growing up The Kao Kids What to Expect... As a Mother

Shit happens

May 9, 2012

As a mother, you deal with excretions of every kind. You clean up pee, poop and booger. You wipe away sweat, swab off pus from blisters and scrape dirt trapped in nails. You drain off mucus coming from the nose and phlegm from the throat. You see, smell and even feel the vomit belched out with force from an upset stomach, then remove (with the help of lots of Dettol) all its content from body/ clothes/ furniture/ floor. Multiply that by the number of kids and the number of years before they can be trained to perform the above themselves (I’m thinking, by twelve?) and that pretty much sums up the length of time you’ll be spending on this unglamorous side of motherhood.

Except that you may also outsource the ear-cleaning bit to someone else. I have outsourced mine to this wonderful woman also known as the kids’ PD.

 

I love it when I don’t have to worry about this form of excretion because she does such a good job taking them out whenever we visit.

It’s gross. And it could have been my job.

Ben Kao Milestones and growing up The darndest kid quotes and antics The Kao Kids What to Expect... As a Mother

Of ‘Whys’ and ‘Buts’

May 3, 2012

When Ben turned two, he started asking why. His whys came fast and furious and it seemed like he wouldn’t really settle for any shoddy answers. We tried our best to encourage that inquisitiveness and not kill his curiosity. I sometimes lost my patience because I felt he asked for the sake of asking (most of the time). Still, I tried my darn best to answer his whys with a smile.

Me: Get ready to go to school!
Ben: Why?
Me: Because when you go to school, you’ll learn new stuff, play with friends and have lots of fun.
Ben: Why? I don’t want to go to school…
Me: I need to work…
Ben: Why?
Me: And there’s no one to take care of you.
Ben: Why do you need to work?

Version 1.0 

Me: Because I need to earn money, and with money, we can put food on the table, clothes on your body and toy cars in your pocket.

Ben: Why? I can have more toys now? You have money?

~~~

Fatherkao overheard this exchange once and said this shouldn’t be the values we impart, so the next time he asked (we have this conversation on a daily basis, even now that he is three), I answered with v1.1.

Me: Get ready to go to school!

Ben: Why?

Me: You go to school and learn new stuff, play with friends and have lots of fun.
Ben: Why? I don’t want to go to school.
Me: I need to work and there’s no one to take care of you.
Ben: Why do you need to work?

Enter Version 1.1

Me: Because work is meaningful and our lives would be more fulfilling, and this is how God made us, to find work that is meaningful and be satisfied. At work, we can be the best we can be and use our God-given gifts and talents and…

Ben: (putting on his uniform) Can I bring a toy to school?

~~~

So besides imparting the value of work, explaining why the moon comes out at night and the sun in the morning, why all children need naps, why he needs to eat his food, how sweets destroy his teeth, I’ve pretty much covered all categories of questions he’s ever asked. Lately, he’s stopped asking why (I’m quite glad I get a little breather now that he’s out of the why phase). He’s now using the conjunction, ‘but’, and it’s annoying the hell out of me.

Me: Get ready to go to school!
Ben: But I don’t want…
Me: You need to go to school and learn new stuff, play with friends and have lots of fun.
Ben: But school is not fun.
Me: You mean to say you don’t have fun in school? You said you enjoyed music class and playing with Ryan yesterday.
Ben: But I don’t like my friends. They are not nice.
Me: What do you mean they aren’t nice?
Ben: But they bully me.
Me: Did you tell your teachers?
Ben: Yes, I did. But yesterday you said I don’t need to go to school.
Me: I say that on Saturdays and Sundays.
Ben: But today is Saturday.
Me: No, it’s not. Now get ready for school.
Ben: But I don’t want… (the cycle repeats itself)
Me: (exasperated, and thinking if I should use the ‘I’m your mother, so just listen’ option) Here we go again…

~~~

I’m waiting for the other coordinating conjunctions to appear in our conversations, like so, yet, and nor. I can so imagine what this boy would say:

I’m very tired, Mama, so I am going back to bed…

I don’t want to go, yet I have to…

I don’t want to wake up, nor do I want to go to school…

Kids, they sure learn grammar fast!