This is Dell. Isn’t she beautiful?
A dream came true last week. I (finally) went horseback riding. Thanks to a Groupon offer by Singapore Turf Club Riding Centre, I fulfilled my childhood dream. It was 20 minutes of pure bliss.
When the introductory lesson ended, I felt a little sad to part with this beauty. She was a feisty and spirited one, I tell you; I could tell just by riding her.
So wanna pick up horse-riding and start lessons!
Ben: (after school one evening) I don’t want to play with my toys today.
Fatherkao: Why?
Ben: Because I don’t want to keep them. Every day ah, I play then I need to keep. Today I don’t want to keep.
Me: (to myself) Right, let’s see how long you can hold out.
~~~
* WTBW: Welcome to Ben’s World
It is my desire to raise healthy, happy kids. I believe there is nothing more that a mother wants than to see her children socially, mentally, physically and emotionally strong and well-adjusted.
Which is why I applaud and endorse Rise & Shine, a community initiative and nationwide campaign that aims to drive greater attention to raising healthier and happier children. Rise & Shine is also supported by many government agencies including the Health Promotion Board, People’s Association, Ministry of Community, Youth and Sports and the National Youth Council. As an official ambassador and partner blogger of Rise & Shine, I will be sharing more on this campaign throughout the year and how together, as a community, we can work towards raising fit, happy, smart and resilient kids.
Check out their website and fb page today, or better still, find the Rise & Shine Breakfast Team every week at their ambient installations at the public libraries nationwide as they share with you the importance of healthy breakfast eating for kids this month. And yes, don’t forget to watch this space!
Dear Little Baby Honey Bun,
Your name means “God has given” and God has indeed given me so much joy and happiness every day with you. You’ve brought so much laughter to my life and I cannot help but to love you more and more with each passing day.
I remember months before you were conceived, I was looking at your older siblings and thinking to myself, “I can live with having two kids” because they were learning to be independent. Moving around and going out was becoming so much more convenient. But then I knew your father always felt that we must have you to complete our family. And so you came.
You’re distinctively different and unique as an indivdual. You’ve got your own ways of teasing us, giggling, babbling and being coy. And you’re ALWAYS so happy.
You’re the first baby we’ve had that’s able to interact with everyone. You chase after Ben on all fours; you yank Becks’ hair and laugh whenever she goes “yeow!”; you press your forehead against mine and rub your cheeks on my face and chest to tell me you want me; and you yak with your father and signal for him to move around in signs only the two of you speak. Last week, you started to walk! I’ve not seen a wider grin on your face than when you toddled towards everyone at home, and you must be feeling on top of the world seeing how everyone at home was cheering crazily for you. It was as awesome a feeling it was for us as it was for you, baby love! You made us so proud to receive you with open arms as you took turns walking towards each one of us.
Thank you for completing the family, and for making me feel I’m the most blessed person in the world to have you in my life.
With all my affection, and more, and then some more,
Mama
Throughout the short four years I’ve been a mother, I’ve devoured a couple of parenting books. Some were forgettable, and some stuck with me and influenced, in some ways, the way I’m parenting. I’d thought I’ll review some of these books and start a series on good reads that can serve as a resource for myself (and you out there) who’d like to revisit some Parenting 101. In each review, I’ll share my takeaways and more importantly, the things that I’ve caught from the heart of the author.
A dear friend and colleague learned that I was struggling a fair bit with Becks as she entered her Terrible Two stage. Some time last year, I was pleasantly surprised to find this book on my desk at work!
This book, The New Strong-Willed Child, by Dr James Dobson, not only gave me a clearer understanding of my daughter, it also took me through a (rather painful) journey of uncovering and knowing myself all over again. Undoubtedly, in terms of the strength of the will, both Becks and I score on the high side. We are the assertive, aggressive and independent breed of people whose temperaments are “prepackaged before birth”, as Dr Dobson puts it. I was looking for answers and help to deal with my strong-willed daughter (who is very much like myself) and I was so blessed by the godly advice and encouragement provided by Dr Dobson in his book. Thank God for this man and his ministry!
Here are some key takeaways from the book:
1) On shaping the will: “If the strong-willed child is allowed by indulgence to develop ‘habits’ of defiance and disrespect during his or her early childhood, those characteristics will not only cause problems for her parents, but will ultimately handicap the child whose rampaging will was never brought under self-control.” That is why it is of utmost importance that we must begin teaching respect for authority while our children are very young.
2) On protecting the spirit: As parents, we need to shape the will without breaking the spirit. Dr Dobson admits that “hitting both targets is something easier said than done”. This is accomplished by “establishing reasonable boundaries in advance and then enforcing them with love, while avoiding any implications that a child is unwanted, unnecessary, foolish, ugly, dumb, burdensome, embarrassing, or a terrible mistake”.
3) On the most ineffective approach: Anger only “emphasises impotence”, “does not influence behaviour unless it implies that something irritating is about to happen”, and should “never become a tool to get children to behave when we have run out of options and ideas”. Authority, which is conveyed mostly by confidence and determination, is what creates respect.
*Note to motherkao from Dr Dobson: You don’t need anger to control children. You do need strategic action. You need to exhibit an attitude of confident authority. You have the power to decide on a logical course of action without needing to be exasperated or frustrated.
4) On child-rearing: Healthy parenting can be boiled down to two essential ingredients: love and control. Children tend to thrive best in an environment where these two ingredients, love and control, are present in balanced proportions.
5) On attitudes: Good attitudes are modelled by parents and then reinforced in the every day, not during a brief bedtime prayer or pep talk.
6) On sibling rivalry: “Recognise that the hidden ‘target’ of sibling rivalry is you.” True that. Now, whenever Ben and Becks fight, I bend down, look at them in the eye and say, “Guys, I don’t want to watch this. Can I please ask you to go into the room now and fight? When you’re done, come out and tell me who won, k?” This always works. Always.
Here’s one thing I caught from the heart of the author:
“Keep the tenor of the home pleasant, fun, and accepting. At the same time, however, parents should display confident firmness in their demeanour. You, Mom and Dad, are the boss. You are in charge. If you believe it, the tougher child will accept it also.”
I’m learning every day to do this. I’m also laying hands on my daughter every night and praying that the Holy Spirit conquer her strong will without destroying her spirit, and that I’d be a mother who will lovingly guide her with understanding and the appropriate kind of discipline. Not an easy job, but with prayer and practice, I shall soldier on.
One of the things I find extremely therapeutic is to push a trolley down supermarket aisles. Before I had kids, I looked forward to that quite a bit every week.
Now with three kids in tow, grocery shopping is a whole new experience altogether. When we do lug the kids along, there’s just so much to do. I can no longer zone out and just look at things. I gotta strategise and plan my shopping route. Get the items on the checklist. Check out the weekly offers to stock up. Dettol, detergent, toilet paper, tissue boxes, frozen food, wet wipes, fresh milk, tofu and Sakura chicken – grab these standard items every trip and stock ’em all up if they are cheap. I gotta make sure all bladders (mine included) are emptied before the kids are chucked in the trolley. I gotta make sure they keep their fingers to themselves and have enough entertainment to last about an hour while I push around at breakneck speed.
Sometimes, I break up fights and end up pushing two trolleys, a mean feat if I’m alone; a meaner one if I’m alone and wearing the baby. Some days I abandon all groceries and flail my arms like an insane woman if one of them has to poo or pee. But now with experience and tricks to avert disaster under my sleeves, I’d get them some ice-cream or finger food to eat so they’d sit quietly in the trolley for a good 15 minutes.
Going to the supermarket is spelled F-U-N for Ben and Becks. They’ve had much fun sampling all sorts of finger food, melting aunties’ hearts by cheekily waving and saying hi to random strangers, pinched and stabbed their fingers into tomatoes, carrots, apples and mushrooms, squealed at live crabs, butchered frog legs and fishes awaiting their deaths in the tanks, and playing with plastic bags, using them as gloves, socks and helmets. Yes, apologies to my tree hugging friends, but I’ve resorted to giving them plastic bags to play with to keep them out of mischief.
Yesterday, everyone who saw them in the trolley did a little giggle and gave me a sympathetic nod.
These two alien coneheads made their day, I’m sure. They made mine too. I wouldn’t say it’s therapeutic now but I’m certainly laughing a lot more bringing them out grocery shopping.
P/S: We know the risk of giving a plastic bag to a child and have explained to the kids about the danger of suffocation. Which is why they did a “Look Ma, it’s on our heads and not over our faces – duh!”.
My iPhone and iPad are two items I protect with all my life from my children. They don’t play games or watch anything from these gadgets. They don’t know my passcode even though they technically know how to unlock them. They swipe and swipe and enter all sorts of random numbers (and sometimes disabling my phone!) but they’ll never get to use any apps.
Until lately, they discovered that they could go ask other people for their phones using the excuse that they’d like to have a picture with them. These are smart kids, I tell you.
So my BFFs, and all the other aunties and uncles, grandpa and grandmas end up being suckered by Ben and Becks. Of course, my kids end up making their day cos’ these happy folks get to upload a ton of pictures on fb with smiling pictures of themselves posing with my kids.
Lately, Ben has also discovered the camera and what he could do with it. Last Saturday, at my cousin’s wedding dinner, while I was busy chatting with my cousin at my table, my son who must have been bored to his last toe asked if he could have my phone.
I just checked my phone today and found out he took 300 over shots of himself without even needing my passcode to unlock the phone! He’s meddled with people’s phones enough to learn how to use the camera and toggle to snap pictures of himself.
So I scroll through pictures of his socked foot, his sneakers, his silly faces, his fingers, the steamed garoupa on his plate, the chandelier on the ceiling and my skirt!
‘Gawd! They start camwhoring young!
I thought I’d do a little happy dance today and celebrate 321 days of breastfeeding my littlest.
That’s a hell load of unlimited, all-you-can-drink liquid carbohydrates, proteins, fats, antibodies and lymphocytes that’s on demand and FREE.
That’s 4 full feeds in the day and 6 snack feeds throughout the night, and a lot of running in and out of the nursing room if I’m at work. That’s also having to endure pain from itchy gums and 6 tiny teeth that’s bent on tugging and yanking.
And looking at this boy’s happy face, I don’t intend to stop. It’s been so fun being his milk machine.
Milk for you, yes Sir!
I still try to make the kids bento as often as I can. They are still not eating much and remain as picky as ever. But I am a persistent mother who would very much like to win this long drawn battle of wills at mealtimes.
These were prepped during Christmas. I taught them the song “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer” one day and made them a little Rudolph with a cherry tomato nose. I used fried wantons (meat and shrimp dumplings) as his antlers.
I made these when my goddaughter came over for dinner some evenings ago. I used a little ketchup to make the rice a little orangey in colour and cut nori (seaweed) to make the tiger cubs’ stripes and ears. I used a craft punch for the mouth. The cubs sit on some baked chicken wings, tomato-scrambled eggs and broccoli.
And this was how I shaped rice just to get them to eat when we had some roast duck. The brownish black bit is the roast duck sauce.
The kids always prefer pasta to rice. For pasta meals, I would usually cookie-cut some cheddar cheese slices to add to their pasta. I tried to make the shape of a bone using flying fish roe some time ago but it was an epic failure.
Kids: Wow, look! Dogs! Mama, erm, but what’s that thing? (referring to the roe)
Me: It’s roe. The stuff you love in your sushi.
Kids: Oh yay! Pok pok pok! We like! (they refer to roe as that cos’ of the fun they have trying to bite into each one)
Didn’t connect to any “bone”.
The tv’s turned on in the house again.
Nope, I’m still the nazi mother that I am with the tv ban on regular tv programming. It’s now switched on for a different reason. A dear friend blessed us with an Xbox 360 Kinect and we’ve been having so much fun as a family, as well as with friends who came over to visit during the festive season. The weather’s been wet last month and the kids’ been so bummed not being able to go to the playground or run around wildly in the park. So we’ve been home playing Kinect Sports and Fruit Ninja a lot these days and laughing at one another till we are rolling on the floor with stitches in our abdomens. Totally entertaining to see each other throw the javelin, box, sprint, dance and slice fruits.
Ben and Fatherkao sprinting away!
Oh yes, I also happen to be holding my husband hostage now with a video of him dancing to “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”. Hur hur hur. I love the Xbox 360 already! Come to think of it, there’s just so many things to blackmail him with. Such a great start to my new year!